Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pigeon sex doll

Pigeons don't do conversation - they'll never know the difference
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Spring is here, and all across the animal kingdom juices are stirring. Animals are rousing from their winter lethargy, and looking for something to do before the summer season on the TV really gets going. I observed this at distressingly close quarters the other day, hanging around a bus station where a crowd of pigeons were gathering to perform various extremely natural acts. Hence this idea to disrupt the process of making baby pigeons.

First, we need to create a reasonable fake pigeon. I suggest we leave this to a taxidermist, because all the options I can think of are either (a) grim or (b)wouldn't even fool a pigeon. Have the taxidermist pay careful attention to the pigeon's naughty bits - these must be kept in something approaching working order, and connected via a long flexible tube to a plastic bag.

Now (and this is the clever bit) distil some pigeon sex hormones. I'm sure these exist in a lab somewhere. Then fix your Pigeon Temptress to the ground in an area crowded with pigeons. Overcome by the seductive scent of your necrotic damsel, the male pigeons will spend their time romancing her, and will thus not be in a position to pay their respects to other females.

In this way, the population of flying rats can be decreased harmlessly and with much pleasure being given at the same time.

moomintroll, Mar 21 2005

YES! tomorrow the world... http://www.filmimag...rticle.jsp?id=30574
[po, Mar 21 2005]

Pigeon Litter Patrol pigeon_20litter_20patrol
[etherman, Mar 22 2005]

[link]






       substitute human for pigeon.
po, Mar 21 2005
  

       "Take a dead female human. Take it to the taxidermists"...no, I don't think that would be advisable, po.
half, Mar 21 2005
  

       exactly!, half   

       po pigeons - cut it out!   

       there's a new fillum about a brave pigeon. lets find a link while I am still awake.
po, Mar 21 2005
  

       So, you'd be okay then with an inflatable pigeon decoy?   

       This idea seems not to address the needs of the female pigeons.
half, Mar 21 2005
  

       Good point [half]... but the female role in the process (unless I've missed something) is largely passive and thus easier to fake. A male robot pigeon might be a possibility, but would be trickier...
moomintroll, Mar 21 2005
  

       In the interests of taste and decency I have removed the 'dead pigeon' bit...
moomintroll, Mar 21 2005
  

       It's not dead...
half, Mar 21 2005
  

       Are there baby pigeons?
JesusHChrist, Mar 22 2005
  

       ducks are notorious rapists as well. they look so innocent too.
po, Mar 22 2005
  

       "flying rats" = croissant
Klaatu, Mar 22 2005
  

       you're all wrong about pigeons. <link> is a better use of their talents.   

       //female role in the process.... easier to fake//   

       Unfortunately all to true.
etherman, Mar 22 2005
  

       <off topic> I saw an hermaphro-duck the other day. At least I think it was an hermaphrodite duck, it's head looked male but the body was definately female. <ot>   
      
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