Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Rapture Agency

Guarantee Your Place In God's Heaven!
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For a modest Fee (to cover Expenses, you understand), this service-industry would accept the waivers and powers-of-attorney from private individuals (or Groups! - perhaps at a Discount!) necessary to facilitate the guaranteed transubstantiation of their Mortal Flesh into Heavenly Spirit. (It might be necessary to gain a foothold in the so-called "right-to-die" states first, before expanding the franchise into less fertile Legal Ground, as it were.) Once applicants have paid their fees, they will be invited (at a time of their choosing, of course) to come to the local Rapture Centre for a period of intensive meditation, prayer, and fasting. At some point in the days of ritual, a delicious homemade Mushroom Stew would be served to the Annointed Ones. The follwing day, their remains would be cremated with all due ceremony, and their Rapture Experience would be complete!
bobthedog, Dec 27 2004


       This has got to be the most thouroughly baked idea in human history, possibly excluding sex and hitting stuff with sticks.
tiromancer, Dec 27 2004

       //hitting stuff with sticks// golf?   

       not sure if the local council will like the idea of delicious homemade mushroom stew much; they have outlawed homemade cakes pretty much as it is.   

       this is just assisted suicide isn't it?
po, Dec 27 2004

       >this is just assisted suicide isn't it? >po, Dec 27 2004   

       It depends upon whether you would Miss any of the potential Patrons of the service or not... ;~}
bobthedog, Dec 27 2004

       They were called absolutions about 750 years ago, and they were a bad idea then, too.
contracts, Dec 28 2004

       When I started reading I thought this was going to be some sort of legal service for the dead, helping outlaw souls fight their way into heaven, in case Angel Gabriel doesn't allow them inside.
Pericles, Dec 28 2004

       I thought it would be rapture insurance, for taking care of a client's family during the times of tribulation, in the event of a rapture. A lucrative scam, in essence.
Method, Dec 28 2004


       And - (yet once again!) - I see that *THE WHOLE WORLD IS OUT-OF-STEP WITH ME AND HAS GOTTEN IT WRONG*!!!   

       If only there were some Place I could turn to, where someone might invent some Device, some Procedure, which would allow the light of my Genius into these benighted eyes! Oh well...
bobthedog, Dec 28 2004

       I thought this was Purple Haze territory.
mensmaximus, Dec 28 2004

       Someone's been eating Special Mushroom Stew again.
disbomber, Apr 08 2005


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