h a l f b a k e r y
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I'm sure you've all been to this kind of restaurant. In the middle of the meal, while your mouth is full of a tough slice of steak, the waiter/waitress come over to your table and ask coyly - "How is your meal, sir?". All you can do is hand gesture like an imbecile for the next 30 seconds until you swallow.
I'm convinced many waiter do this on purpose, timing their stride to your table, to coincide with the worst time to ask. Perhaps, because they really don't want to know, perhaps because these are the only moments of fun they have all day.
Well, it's time to fight back. Have a few laminated flash-cards ready in your shirt pocket, with some clever retort (I'm sure I will get lots of annotations for this one). From the bland: "Everything is fine, thank you", to the evil: "Next time you ask me a question while my mouth is full- I'll deduct 5$ from your tip", to the down right obnoxious: "since you ask, this is the worst piece of meat I've had in a long time".
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||I know it annoys you but don't you think a cleaver retort might be taking it a bit too far?
||Sorry, it was a bad joke.
||Cleaver = heavy, broad-bladed knife or hatchet used especially by butchers.
||I was just imagining you waving a cleaver at some poor waiter in response to his question...
||Hide a dead roach under one of the decorative bits of lettuce that you won't eat anyway. Just when the waiter asks "find" it - free meal.
I don't think the flash cards will work. The waiter would probably ask just when I have my hands full with knife and fork. I don't have any extra hand left for flashing.