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Resume Resources

"SureShot" Professional Resume Paper
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Ever wonder why, after having submitted hundreds upon thousands of personal resumés in seeking that perfect job, it always happens that some other joker ends up landing 'your' position?! Well, surprisingly, the disparity isn't in your persona, knowledge or skill sets! People in the know already know that 'action words' are the key to scripting potent resumés. 'What?', you say .. Why??' Well, customarily, when Employers review your qualifications, they basically browse for catch phrases and keywords that speak as to your potential value for them. Luckily, (I said luckily) nowadays Employers are swamped with applicants and have resorted to being too lazy, too cheap, and too disinterested in thumbing through all of those well crafted, pertinent and valuable creative works! In today's job market, Companies scan resumés and enter the contents into a database. That information is then habitually processed thru use of a character recognition program (OCR). The more 'action words' that register, the more weight your application carries when it comes down to that critical interview.

NOW! Here's the juicy part! If you could pre-load your personal resumé's paper with a s**t-load of those magical little 'action words', you could veritably guarantee yourself interviews with the loftiest of business firms!

BUT HOW?? You didn't read what I said ... Load "the PAPER with 'action words'! Albeit invisible to the naked eye, their Character Recognition Program will give you the highest of ranking and have you sittin' pretty!

I mean, you could just about send in a handwritten note, "Give up da job, or your ass is mine!" LMAO!

Macdaddyx1, Feb 05 2008

I wrote and deleted two annotations because I decided that they constituted "taunting the newbie", and finally decided to start with this. Normzone_20Paragraph_20Breaker
It would help with that resume, if it resembles the first paragraph of this idea. [normzone, Feb 08 2008]

Expert Resumes for Computer and Web Jobs http://www.amazon.c...d=1202443805&sr=8-1
This book has several tips about dealing with electronic processing. [Spacecoyote, Feb 08 2008]

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       I'm guessing here that you have suffered heavily from the problem of sending in thousands of resumés without landing a job. Am I right, or am I right?   

       But I digress.   

       If I understand correctly (which I would consider to be quite a feat), you propose to "pre-print" paper with "action words" which are invisible to the naked eye, but are picked up by OCRs via a scanner. Is that about right?   

       OK, so, even if we accept the uncertain premise that companies use such a pre- screening technique, how does this work? I mean, can you describe in a little more detail this magical way of putting these invisible 'action words' onto the paper?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 05 2008

       I know when I'm screening for employees I certainly don't use some computerised scanning word-recfognition machine. Even if I did use one to first-pass screen for likely candidates, I'd still then read all of the 30-50 CV's of the short list. Then call and interview everyone that looks good, kind of like what I do now.   

       Are you suggesting that people get awarded jobs based solely on the output of these OCR's? What is the basis of this assumption? Have you ever had a job, or hired someone? There is such a thing as a phone interview, as well as face-to-face interviews.
Custardguts, Feb 05 2008

       My dear Mr. Buchannon: If memory serves me correctly, was it not at all long ago that very infectuous and popular job search television ads made parody of the frustrations actual job seekers encountered in submitting what amounted to gaggles of parchment to employer entities, not as magnanimous as, say, yourself?   

       .. 15/love
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       That is entirely possible, love.   

       However, I still wonder (a) whether any employers actually use OCR-based 'scanning' like this and (b) how your magic technology works.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2008

       To CustardGuts: ... not (awarded) the job, but 'an advantaged consideration' in the interview process with firms so large they have trouble recognizing their own HR people. My apologies; I see you are actually the magnanimous and prudent employer!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       I still have questions (a) and (b).
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 06 2008

       The idea concerns the paper. The technology is with the ink loaded cartridges. The copyright will be the software that conjures the cryptographic spells!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       Sadly this might work, but it is baked, because I did it. I had my resume in Word and added extra buzz words in white text at the bottom of my white resume. The trick is certainly as old as Google as tons of websites used to use this to appear high in the Google rankings.   

       I never got an interview from it, but I did get hundreds of calls based on buzz words that appeared visibly in my resume.
MisterQED, Feb 06 2008

       Welcome [Macdaddyx1] I like your name.
zeno, Feb 06 2008

       Buchannon: A D.O.L. Instructor currently uses this tidbit of information (scanned and electronically processed paper resumés) in assisting job seekers. Yes! This is the 21st century!   

       MisterQED: Having lengthy phone conversations with prospective employers is as bad as attending a formal gathering in your drawls! Unless you're a supermodel or heavyweight contender, you don't stand a chance trying to sell yourself over the phone. When was the last time you bought anything over the phone?? This hot résumé idea will help you to sell yourself. Glad you pointed out that it works!   

       Zeno: Why, thank you! I'm hopin' you're a cute & cuddly chick...
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       Scanners are designed to 'read' in only a fairly narrow range of contrast; if it's not easily seen by humans, it would also be invisible to the scanner.

(On top of which, the basic premise is fatally flawed.)
angel, Feb 06 2008

       This idea is much more practical for emailed resumes, which may be parsed into keywords by the recipient's email server. You could set the text color to white and type in thousands of keywords, invisible to the casual human reader but which would be marked "Excellent" by the computer.
phundug, Feb 06 2008

       //Having lengthy phone conversations with prospective employers// No, I got phone calls asking for interviews based on the fact that my resume included one magic buzz word (an obscure database program that I had installed but have never used).   

       //scanned and electronically processed paper resumés// No, that was the 20th century, today in the 21st century resumes are emailed or entered directly on websites.   

       So your idea is to print your resume on special paper using special ink, so that when it is mailed and opened, the regular part of the resume will be visible to the naked eye but the sneaky part is written in IR reflective ink that is invisible to the naked eye but visible to the OCR scanner that will then feed into buzzword scanning software.   

       Who knows, it might work, if you find the one industry that has just the right amount of technology at their fingertips, but for everyone else it will fail. As for the fact that some expert told you that HR people use them, well I'd rate that as high as anything I read on the internet. I went to a group of those guys after my company was immolated and they had no clue. All their information was seriously dated and ultimately useless. Here is one piece of information that you can take to the bank, or to your next employer, “80% of all jobs are found though networking”. Resumes are basically worthless; the only way to find a job is to be referred. Save a tree call a friend.
MisterQED, Feb 06 2008

       Scanners work by reading and interpolating diffracted light. That's why page wrinkles (the secret copy of that little incriminating memo), smear stains (the evidentiary signs of the fun you had after hours taking butt-shots on the scanner when nobody was looking), staples, coffee droplets, and a host of other page anomalies are recognized by scanners. The ink would have diffusing properties, most likely clear platelets in some plasma solution. The OCR processor then interprets any identifiable characters and filters out unrecognizable features.
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       The paper itself would be a camouflaged speckled color.   

       P.S. MrQED: (.. Your post probably came while I was responding to prior .. Touché ! )   

       I agree with you about said "experts"... But, isn't that why were here; to explore the possibilities??
Macdaddyx1, Feb 06 2008

       [-]Good idea but I had to go with the majority on this one. If you can do it, every other "joker" who is unworthy of this position can do it too. If they have the advantage now, they certainly will have it with this list of hot words.
Jscotty, Feb 06 2008

       I'm voting in favour [+]. Granted, it might only work with a minority of organisations. However, contra [Jscotty], I think that the kind of organisations that will fall for this will end up getting the kind of employees they deserve and will ultimately collapse under the sheer weight of system-playing, time-serving parasites, so that justice will ultimately be served... maybe.
pertinax, Feb 07 2008

       `You c`ould send s`ubliminal mess`ages by italicizing the lette`rs of "Giv`e up da job, or your `ass is mi`ne" in such a way that you don't not`ice that message unless you really look har`d to f`ind all of the italicized letters and then underline them. The HR f`olks aren't wise to these simple shennanogans, bu`t 60% or the time it works every time! I've used that trick on handwritten legal write ups before and gotten out of huge trouble, which I will attribute to the slightly darker letters (I pushed harder with the pencil) spelling out a hidden message.
quantum_flux, Feb 07 2008

       QuackScientist_Flux: Wkht dcrs ycvr ckqqsy kjnbcfgafbin cyqhcr hvwe to do wjrh my ewcxiiavt ihra? Djg't yfu heme a phqe of ydhr oyn to pezt to? Oh, I fafqct; yeu dqx't ewcn hvue a ljke!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 07 2008

       [Macdaddyx1]; I got the rest, but what is //kjnbcfgafbin//?
And I think what [quantum_flux] means is that a similar idea can work with people - the message of the italicised/bold text is subliminally registered by the reader. Hidden in plain sight, as it were. As with your idea, you can only read the actual message if you know how to look for it.
neutrinos_shadow, Feb 07 2008

       Sp: necesitate.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 07 2008

       Gotta hand it to Aeon-Flux for "slippin' one past the goalie!" Nutrinos... You seem to have totally missed that stealthy "kindergarten" apostrophe cypher that got me cranky. (..And I thought I was the newbie!!) This HalfBakery is too much fun! Nutrinos, you owe me a [+]...
Macdaddyx1, Feb 08 2008


       Thank you ever so kindly for your grace, forbearance, and benevolence in bestowing upon me, not one, but two 'faux pas pardons' as discreetly requested in the opening paragraph of my home page.   

       Now,...(pause)... you owe me a [+]! LOL!!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 08 2008

       Recruiters do use electronic processing, however they also actually read those resumes, so they'd probably recognize that either a computer wrote your resume, or you wrote it yourself after reading Dilbert and Doctor Seuss.
Spacecoyote, Feb 08 2008

       [Macd], welcome. If I may suggest, while the onus is on you to present the idea in such a way as to capture the attention of your reader, is! it! really!! necessary! to! deliver! all! your!! annotations! in! the! style!! of! a! circus! ringmaster!???   

       That is, relax. Your annos are much easier to read when they don't look like you're bouncing off the walls. Genuinely.
david_scothern, Feb 08 2008

       Oh, all right. Now I 'digress.' This is my virgin post; I thought all'o the quippiness was just part of the fun! Scroll to the top of this thread, you'll see that MaxBuchanon threw the first water balloon.   

       Two dead fish here; time to move to next!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 08 2008

       I just had a letter from a "potential" (for which read "hypothetical in the happy land of Oz") employer specifically informing me that my snail mail application for one of their posts is going to be scanned by OCR software and screened before being accessed by any human being. So, you see, it does happen.
nineteenthly, Feb 16 2008

       I would write back, sending your regrets but saying that, unfortunately, this employer was not successful in securing your services on this occassion.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 18 2008

       Mr.Buchanon: this is uncharacteristic of you, not crafting a completely coherent sentence. What? Were you gnawing away at your fingers? As is noted, this is a plausible concept.
Macdaddyx1, Feb 19 2008

       //not crafting a completely coherent sentence// Read it again, [Macdaddyx1].
pertinax, Feb 19 2008

       ////not crafting a completely coherent sentence// //
sp. "occasion" - does that make it any more coherent?

//Scanners work by reading and interpolating diffracted light//
I'm pretty sure mine works by reflected, then possibly refracted light. [-]
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 19 2008

       'diffraction' has to do with the angle of the light beam. Think stick bending in water. (a bending of the spoon, if you will) Wrinkles, stains, and other page anomalies appear because of this.   

       Don't forget to include my name in the patent! I'm sure you'll never forget where you got the idea from...
Macdaddyx1, Feb 19 2008

       // Think stick bending in water//
That is "refraction", same as what happens in the lens of my scanner.
Diffraction occurs with very small apertures, and is an interference pattern.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 19 2008

       'refraction' requires a passing of light thru a medium and affects light velocity. 'diffraction' disturbs the wave pattern, and creates an anomaly; but keep trying, I'm sure you'll get it!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 19 2008

       So how does the soggy bendy stick thing work then?
That's diffraction is it?
Do try to keep up.

Maybe you could make a diffraction grating with all those fishbones.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 19 2008

       Abs: you're on point about refraction; my quippy anno was meant as a 'sarcochasmistic blurp' - this idea is about 'diffraction' disturbing light to create physical objects that can only be read thru mechanical means.
Macdaddyx1, Feb 19 2008


       A fair and creative thinker with strong analytical problem solving skills with a devotion towards being goal and results orientated. A very resourceful, conscientious, and well organized worker as well as trustworthy, practical, and reliable. Excellent writing and communications skills. Has the ability to quickly identify and systematically deal with the problem at hand. Very attentive to details. Very personable and has a genuine desire to work with and help others. Will work independently or with a team. Always willing to accept the next big challenge and get the job done right.   

       If you want to toot your own horn even more on your resume, italicise hidden messages as well! However, it is important to keep in mind that this is just to get your foot into the interview room, and that's it, so say something nice!
quantum_flux, Feb 19 2008

       Three thumbs up Q_F! That was rather spanky! (You wouldn't mind if I used that ..?)
Macdaddyx1, Feb 19 2008

       Yeah, well, change it around a little bit though. Put in something like .... I've beaten Halo II and Mortal Kombat II in hard mode without any cheat codes .... something that makes them really want you.
quantum_flux, Feb 19 2008


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