Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Robot Royal Family

Replace weak meat monarchs with futuristic technology
  (+6, -1)
(+6, -1)
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Although many people believe the British royal family has no place in modern political life, there are a number of advantages commonly attributed to them:

They're entertaining
They're apolitical
They're good for tourists

But we could improve on this. A scientifically-designed royal family would maximise their status as entertainers and tourist attractions. A robot royal family would attract not only fans of pageantry and tradition, but small boys, halfbakers and other lovers of modern technology. And the new monarchs would be better looking.

Cybernetic royalty would provide an enormously impressive display, even more enthralling and marvellous than real life human beings, and they would never make off-the-cuff racist comments or commit adultery. The robotic aspect would also serve to showcase British technology to the world. In addition there would always be the possibility of them going on a Westworld-style beserk robot rampage.

The only downside would be the absence of royal births, but none of the current lot look likely to reproduce for the time being either. We could maybe manufacture new ones from time to time as the old ones get rusty and are melted down for scrap. Although slapping a malfunctioning cybernetic queen would be a pretty attractive alternative.

I should stop here before beefeaters burst through the door and haul me off to the Tower. Although that would also be cool.

pottedstu, Jul 02 2002

Self-Sustaining Royal Family http://www.halfbake...ng_20Royal_20Family
Alternative royals-as-entertainment idea. [pottedstu, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]


       We all ready did this. Why do you think the Queen Mother lasted so long?
[ sctld ], Jul 02 2002

       God save the Queen, and her plastic machine...
thumbwax, Jul 02 2002

       dammit, I only thought of posting a chocolate royal family, yesterday.
po, Jul 02 2002

       Hmm, there seems to be a bit of a contradiction in this idea, 'stu. I thought that it was the adultery and the ignorant racism that made them entertaining.
DrBob, Jul 02 2002

       The Queen Mum had 14 hips? (Is that 7 or 8 legs? or perhaps 6...? I was never good at math(s).)   

       But 'stu, the adultery bit is the only thing interesting about them.
waugsqueke, Jul 02 2002

       Why stop at the current ones ? You could have RoyalWorld at windsor, with robotic Henry VIIIs prowling the grounds looking for wenches to accost. Charles I's with detachable heads. Elizabeth I could genuinely have "the heart and stomach of a king".   

       Also, every commonwealth country could have its own RoboQueen to officiate at state occasions.   

       Would they have to be programmed with the 3 Laws of Robotics ? Surely they wouldn't apply to an absolute monarch, if you wanted them to be truly realistic ? Your "Westworld" scenario creeps ever closer ....   

       I would ask the Russians for advice. Leonid Brezhniev seemed to last an amazingly long time, until his final "slight cold".
8th of 7, Jul 02 2002

       Heard during a pro- / anti- Monarchy debate on TV: "If the republicans want to live in a republic, they should be able to. Can I suggest Khazakstan."
angel, Jul 02 2002

       New national anthem: "The Robots" by Kraftwerk.
calum, Jul 02 2002

       I started to consider the annotations about adultery, but then realised I was thinking about the royal family having sex. Ugh. So I think we could have a referendum on the prime directives of the robo-royals.
pottedstu, Jul 02 2002

       As an American, I hate voting on monarchy ideas. I don't feel qualified.   

       Although I've tossed my croissant into the mix already, I'll replace it with a fishbone if enough Brits want me to.
phoenix, Jul 03 2002

       Thats quite the funny thing about the new world. When i was in Canada, i noticed that they all seem to love the royal family, and they always ask you which one's your favourite, and what do you think of Edwards wife, etc. It was the same, only with less enthusiasm, when i ventured into the U.S. I don't think that those who asked me on the royal family realise that people in britain, in general, really don't care that much about the royal family. At the end of the day, the Queen is just like you and me.
[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       Only much, much, much, much richer. Does she hang out in the halfbakery?
thumbwax, Jul 03 2002

       Why don't we put the entire Civil List on an ongoing series of Survivor? Then the public could basically vote on who should keep getting our money to live off. By their entertainment value.
sappho, Jul 03 2002

       Any argument against retaining the Monarchy should sensibly be on some basis other than cost. Recently published figures show that the Royal Family costs each UK citizen just over a penny a week. I don't know about anyone else here, but I spill more beer than that between the bar and the table, and if anyone really thinks it's too expensive, let me know and I'll send you two year's worth.
angel, Jul 03 2002

       two year's worth of beer? Count me in.
thumbwax, Jul 03 2002

       that's very interesting, angel. So one could say "each week I spend a penny on the Royal Family". That's a statistic to please everyone. Thanks!
sappho, Jul 03 2002

       I want to know what kept Princess Margaret (the ultimate source of bits for the Queen Mum - "Gawd-Bless-Er") alive while all those bits were being transferred.   

       I reckon they're already robotised. I mean, Prince Philip's tact chip is still functioning from the 50's. How else can Queenie (Gawd-Bless-Er-Two) wave relentlessly in the way she does?   

       And anyone who saw British TV in the 80's (Spitting Image) know that the royals are just a bunch of latex puppets anyway.   

       Having said all that, a mate of mine met Prince Edward recently (the youngest one who doesn't do a lot except make films about his family). My mate said he was really pleasant - tact 2.0 obviously makes all the difference!
PeterSilly, Jul 03 2002

       //I want to know what kept Princess Margaret...alive while all those bits were being transferred//   

[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       Screw robots, just melt them all down in a big pot and serve them to the homeless. Then turn the palaces into a giant unemployment shelter and sell the art to forgers. Everyone's happy.   

       //none of the current lot look likely to reproduce for the time being// Prince william + Britney Spears
NickTheGreat, Jul 03 2002

       Don't believe everything you read Nick.   

       Why are there so many Nicks here. We have nick_n_uit, NickTheGreat, nick!, and i'm sure theres more.
[ sctld ], Jul 03 2002

       //They're apolitical//   

       What, like Edward, the Traitor King, Lord Haw Haw, and all the other aristos who had fascist leanings back in the 30's? Or any of the moder-day toffs who still toast Hitler's birthday? But then it's entirely understandable that the German sausagesucker Saxe-Coburgs should have their real sympathies lie with der fatherland. After all, Hitler was rather fond of der volk's Anglo-Saxon cousins and was rather unhappy, I understand, when they ended up on opposite sides.   

       Anyhoo, the Royals may not be robots, but as the product of centuries-old eugenics (ie. inbreeding) experiments, programmed from birth to play out empty, meaningless lives of cutting ribbons, waving, smiling, shaking hands and other such complex animatronics, they're pretty much as close as you can get. I pity them, with their porphyria and their extra fingers, I really do. But when they swan around Europe with their Nazi scum friends, spilling state secrets and putting their *subjects'* lives in jeopardy, or piss off to the Riviera from Paris, despite being on active duty, when the tanks get to close (that's called 'desertion', that is), I say shoot them down like the dogs they are.   

       Oh, for the halcyon days of tanks in George Square. John McLean, where are you now?
Guy Fox, Jul 06 2002

       He's been reincarnated as Tommy Sheridan.
calum, Jul 07 2002


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