Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Royal Shoelace Ironer

Rub Shoulders With Royalty
  [vote for,

Bored with your current job? Want more excitement in your life with the possibility of rubbing shoulders with the Monarchy? RockCo announces the career path of Royal Shoelace Ironer and Fastener.

Successful candidates with a steady hand and eagle eye will start as a Shoelace Ironer Third Class. Laces shall be extracted from footwear nightly, steam ironed to board flatness and relaced. Candidates will learn about heat intensity, natural vs synthetic materials, bias, braid tension, stealth techniques to extract and replace footwear after the owner has gone to sleep and kneeling obediently before the King while tying said laces.

When promoted to Second Class the individual shall discover the benefits of maintaining a supply of pre-ironed laces, thus eliminating the nightly ironing process.

Upon attaining the esteemed rank of Shoelace Ironer First Class the individual will maintain a weekly supply of applicable footwear with pre-flattened laces, thus reducing the nightly stealth missions to about 45 seconds.

Other career possibilities include Toothpaste Measurement and Brush Pasting Technician, Royal Soft Boiled Egg Timer Calibrator, Portable Leather Toilet Seat Cleaner and Conditioner, Royal Childhood Teddy Bear Mender/Defluffer, and His Majesty’s Complete Official Title Parser and High Volume Proclaimer.
whatrock, May 08 2023


       Approved.... but the royal shoulder rubber post is taken already.
xenzag, May 08 2023

       Now this is just silly. [+]
Voice, May 08 2023


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