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Rotating Ice, Skating Hamster, Exercise Wheel

domestic skating exercise machine
  [vote for,

Ice skating is a very good form of exercise. It's a chance to dress up and act like an ejit with impunity. Unfortunately it requires a lot of space and is impossible to do at home, until now that is with the introduction of the Rotating Ice, Skating Hamster, Exercise Wheel.

No one's buying Peloton bikes, given their recent advertising disaster, so a sizeable gap in the domestic market has opened and the Rotating Ice, Skating Hamster, Exercise Wheel is the perfect fill for that gap.

It's quite a simple piece of apparatus, consisting of a motorised rotating cylinder, into which a set of nozzels deliver a continuous spray of water. As the cylinder also contains a grid of freon circulation pipes, the water is quickly converted into a surface skin of perfectly smooth ice.

All our skater has to do now is don their furry hamster 'onesie' costume, then enter the rotating cylinder and begin skating within its curved confines. (other outfits are available, but the skating hamster is always a favourite)

xenzag, Dec 20 2019

Furry fandom https://en.wikipedi...g/wiki/Furry_fandom
The article is curiously reticent on the correct weapons and ammunition to be employed when hunting furries. [8th of 7, Dec 21 2019]


       This is stupidly dangerous and impractical ; at best there will be serious lower limb injuries due to inappropriate surface geometry, more likely users will break their neck resulting in paralysis or death.   

       [+] excellent. We have a list of people we'd like to receive one of these by Christmas.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2019

       The Canadian market will be huge...   

       The hamster will need special curved skates.   

       I'm sceptical about the scope for spinal injuries, though; the worst case I can see is where you hit the deck under gravity from a height of rather less than two metres: unpleasant, but not neck-breaking.   

       Perhaps [8th] is imagining a full-service package, in which a thickset attendant would tread heavily on the hamster just after such a fall, before snatching them up in a regrettably clumsy fireman's lift in order to "help" them.
pertinax, Dec 21 2019

       // I'm sceptical about the scope for spinal injuries, //   

       <Notes that [pert] has little or no direct experience of falling over while wearing ice skates/>
8th of 7, Dec 21 2019

       If you fall over in the cylinder, the padded hamster costume will protect you as you tumble around for a few complete revolutions, similar to being in a slow moving tumble drier. (tumble freezer idea!)
xenzag, Dec 21 2019

       <Notes that [xen] is a Furry/>
8th of 7, Dec 21 2019

       It's true.
xenzag, Dec 21 2019

       <Wonders if a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range is appropriate for hunting Furries/>
8th of 7, Dec 21 2019

       Wouldn't you need to have fingers to operate that instead of your barnacle encrusted tentacles?
xenzag, Dec 21 2019

       We favour a direct neural interface for such trivial tasks.
8th of 7, Dec 21 2019

       //falling over while wearing ice skates//   

       This case would differ from most skating falls in that, even after vigorous exertions, the hamster's velocity in the reference frame of most nearby objects would still be close to zero.
pertinax, Dec 21 2019

       It is instructive to consider not merely velocity, but momentum.   

       For a rodentine quadruped with a mass of less than 50g and a leg length of a few centimetres, the momentum is small.   

       For a 70kg human encumbered by ice skates, a furry hamster suit, and a lack of instinct for self-preservation deducible from a willingness to clamber into the proposed device, the momentum and thus the kinetic energy and potential for damage is much higher.   

       Due to the lack of availability of a hamster, testing is proceeding using a Manx kitten and a Whirlpool tumble drier lined with a sheet of Teflon®. Results so far are highly entertaining, but inconclusive.
8th of 7, Dec 22 2019

       I could see you confined in a nice industrial cement mixer, surfing the cement wave with increasing desparation as it relentlessly hardens despite the motion.
xenzag, Dec 22 2019

       Actually, if you ignore the cement aspect, a massive water- filled drum could allow perpetual surfing.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 22 2019

       He's going into the cement no matter...... we need a new item of garden furniture for the birds to peck at, and the cats to use as a scratching post.
xenzag, Dec 22 2019

       Turning the drum on it’s side and rotating it at sufficient speed while freezing could give you an approximate, if slightly parabolic, cylindrical body of ice.
RayfordSteele, Dec 22 2019

       Oh for Pete's sake, it's just skating people. Why cracking my head against solid ice several times growing up made me the man I will be yesterday.   

       It wouldn't be Christmas without a humbug! Where's that head hammering gif? ha
xenzag, Dec 24 2019

       // He's going into the cement no matter...... //   

       "Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, [xenzag] ..."
8th of 7, Dec 24 2019


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