Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Scrum master

Nothing to do with xtreme programming or scroti
  [vote for,

I guess there are probably as many fans of rugby on here as there are fans of bluetooth earrings. Irrespective, I love rugby but hate what the powers-that-be are doing to the scrum.

If you have watched rugby over the last couple of years you will have noticed that scrums have become an issue with the length of time taken to complete and the number of scrum collapses. This followed a set of rule changes that I, like many others, think were imposed to try to get scrums removed from the game altogether. Speaking as a former prop, scrums are crucial to the game of rugby since they are the only true test of strength and power in the game plus they require all 16 forwards to participate leaving the field open for the girls to do their bit.

Some would suggest that the reason behind the increasing number of scrum failures is the introduction of the pause phase in setting a scrum. The actual collapse, though, is invariably down to incorrect binding by the props. They are meant to bind on the shirt around the midriff of the opposing player which has become much more difficult since the introduction of tight shirts.

An easy solution would be to have handles on prop's shirts for ease of binding but I think a better solution would be to have pressure pads on the shirts with bluetooth transmitters linked to a handheld monitor for the ref. That way he can judge easily as to who is not binding properly.

The_Saint, Mar 13 2011


       Nothing to do with xtreme programming (-)
Voice, Mar 13 2011

       I read "Scrotum Master"... [ ]
FlyingToaster, Mar 13 2011

       Drat, I thought it was "Scrotum Maser," a contraceptive device for warming testicles using coherent microwaves.
mouseposture, Mar 13 2011

       [mouseposture], you are becoming an increasing cause for concern, and coming from us that's something to take note of.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2011

       The Borg have scrota? Who knew?
mouseposture, Mar 13 2011

       Well, we did.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2011

       Sorry about that. Must have been that black-after-market modification for jealous lovers.
mouseposture, Mar 13 2011

       Can't the ref + linesman look to see if said grasp is being applied?   

       Another option would be magnetic gloves and pads on the shirts - giving a full-on grip, which might be deactivated through specific hand movements.   

       Maybe something like cycling cleats in gloves?
Skrewloose, Mar 14 2011

       I like the idea of this scrum. Plus a catchy name. Could it not be a game unto itself?
bungston, Mar 14 2011

       //Can't the ref + linesman look to see if said grasp is being applied? //   

       Apparently not. There is only one ref and two linesmen on the field and a TMO (Third Match Official although oddly he is actually the fourth match official) who watches the game on telly. For some reason only the real ref can adjudicate on the scrum and since a scrum is fairly large he can only be on one side at a time. Needless to say every time the scrum collapses he moves to the other side of the scrum leaving the tighthead free on the opposing side to not bind properly (only tightheads don't bind correctly). If the ref were a photon and the scrum made of gold then there wouldn't be a problem.
The_Saint, Mar 14 2011

       Maybe data not to the ref but to another match official. Who knows what an Aussie ref might do with a bluetooth device in-game. Oh, no, yep you're right they miss most of it anyway...
4whom, Mar 14 2011

       This sounds like a Schrödinger problem. The ref can't observe all aspects of the scrum simultaneously.   

       The answer is clearly to throw a cat into the scrum instead of the ball, and let the players stamp on it.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2011

       [8th...] Clearly Maslow's HON v 1.16.39 is out of beta and is now Maslow 2.0, self actuation (not really applicable to the 'borg anyway) has given way, rather inevitably, to kill all cats.
4whom, Mar 14 2011

       //The answer is clearly to throw a cat into the scrum instead of the ball, and let the players stamp on it.//   

       That is the hooker's job and I don't think a hooker playing with a pussy would go down well at all.
The_Saint, Mar 14 2011

       The real answer to this problem is not to allow the southern hemisphere nations to have any say in the framing of the rules (perhaps by giving each country a number of votes equal to their annual revenue - this should leave just France & England with any influence whatever) and to go back to proper, old style rugby where it was the winger's job to stand out on the touchline and freeze to death whilst the rest of the team scrambled around in a huge, muddy bog in the centre as they tried to find out who had hidden the ball up their jumper. And then occasionally someone would kick a penalty. + anyway.
DrBob, Mar 15 2011

       +, first of all. I wish rugby were on in the fall, because if the NFL strikes I am done with it.   

       I am ignorant of the issue, being born an American, I hope you don't hold it too much against me. If I understand the concern, when a player in a scrum too quickly removes his hand from the proper position- I guess it allows him to swipe the ball towards his teammate.   

       With only one hand on his opponent, would he not be open to an" accidental" knee to the face by the opponent he illegaly took his hands from?   

       Sorry if I seem too violent.
Zimmy, Mar 16 2011

       [Zimmy] - no, it's more to do with the huge forces at play in the scrum, and a small imballancing force causing it to collapse. If the prop's don't bind correctly (set their posture and grip the other player to stabilise the "loose head" in the scrum) - it'll fall down. This is made worse by clueless officials who won't penalise the props for intentionally collapsing the scrum.   

       To my mind, the ref needs to be given the freedom to make calls (shortarm penalty is enough) when he sees one of the props collapsing it, or being a girly-man not able to hold his end up. This should overrule the "advantage" at the scrum - whoevers buggering it up should get penalised for being a sook.   

       I've always beleived that rugby refs should be ex-forwards, preferrably ex props. Handbags and other hangers-on just don't have the experience to know who's frigging around in the scrum and mucking it up. When I was a prop, you'd get pulled out of the front row by your own coach if you couldn't hold a scrum up, regardless if you were getting the penalties. It's a matter of pride - who'd want to be the whoos who couldn't keep their end up?   

       I think much the same about ruck&mauls. What the hell does an ex-winger know about sly interference in a ruck, or the complex interplay of momentum and force in a maul, and knowing when it's about to break? Any daft bugger can call offside amongst the girlies, that's the linesman's job anyhow. The ref needs to intuitively understand the tight play.
Custardguts, Mar 16 2011


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