Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Secret Sorta

A sort of distributed Sorta
  (+14, -3)(+14, -3)
(+14, -3)
  [vote for,

"In his day job, he’s known as Father Nick. He’s a cardinal, so he wears a red suit, but is only half-way to sainthood. (Which makes him a half-saint Nick)

Father Nick aspires to sainthood but has so far been held back by the ignominy of his brief televangelism career and the unexplained appearance of his image in a suspicious stain on a pew at the Church of No Pants. Until sainthood is achieved, he moonlights as…Sorta Claus."

The problem of course, is that as we get older we realise that Sorta doesn't actually exist, and this can cause terrible sadness.

A way around this is the Secret Sorta, where each person randomly chooses another baker*, and selects for them a suitable halfbaked gift. (See the idea 'Sorta Claus' from this category.)

On Christmas day, or before if you just can't wait, we all post our gifts (and if feeling generous, feel free to think up gifts for more than one baker – Sorta managed hundeds, a few won’t kill you), and hopefully the magic of [beauxeault]'s Sorta Claus will return.

Also, please try to be truly random when selecting. There are only so many high profile bakers to go around, but there are lots of other bakers who deserve gifts.

*I suggest going to the recent list, closing your eyes and clicking on a random idea, and therefore selecting the author. Alternatively you could view all ideas posted since, maybe the start of December, and randomly pick people from the annotations. Hopefully someone will suggest a better method that includes everyone who has posted, rather than just authors of ideas. If anyone devises a suitable filter, please link to it.

RobertKidney, Dec 21 2004


       Lovely! Can't give real pressies though, no real addresses to send them to. Still, 'bakers are an inventive and resourceful bunch - I'm sure they'll work something out.
wagster, Dec 21 2004

       Just want to make sure I get the idea: make up a virtual gift or select something that's been posted here, like [po]'s yo-yo earrings and post it "For: [this or that 'baker]?"
Machiavelli, Dec 21 2004

       If so and because I’ll be away for the holidays, I’d like to now send RobertKidney a ben frosty the snowman ‘hands in the air security jacket‘ to facilitate volunteering for cleanup details and avoid being zapped by fake death rays. Don’t open until Xmas!
FarmerJohn, Dec 21 2004

       Lucky escape, someones got a, 49'000 tonne airliner with airbags.   

skinflaps, Dec 21 2004

       Wonder if it's rigged: Hit random and got in-jokes by RobertKidney, who gets what I really want for Christmas this year, a Sliced Bread Flip Book.
Other presents, awarded inabsentia: some Connecting Coins to eehen, and a Credit Card Monkey for Guy Fox.
calum, Dec 21 2004

       Excellent, you all have the right idea.   

       Except you I'm afraid wagster, so I'm afraid you shall be recieving a dunce cap. On the bright side it's made of cotton-candy and you will also be recieving the rest of the '100 % Cotton-Candy Clothing' line.   

       I hope it tastes as good as it looks.
RobertKidney, Dec 21 2004

       I'm giving gifts to annotaters....NeilP gets the Taxi Hailer he always wanted. And calum, you're getting the Anti Guide Book.   

       Skinflaps, I don't know if you'll like your Drive Through Grocery Store, but it was the last minute, and when I saw it, I thought of you.   

       FarmerJohn, if the Defribillating Shoes don't fit, I saved the receipt.
normzone, Dec 21 2004

       thank you thank you [normzone].. it seems like I will therefore have to send you a spinning planet ("It's a small world, but I wouldn't like to gift-wrap it").
neilp, Dec 21 2004

       Thanks [RobertKidney], I am currently sitting at work half naked and billious after eating my hat and trousers. [Fishrat] - you get a Beat-Matching Indicator, may the tunes in your car always pump to the annoying rhythm of the blinkers.
wagster, Dec 22 2004

       I wish to give my friend [Klaatu], who was born to fly, two options. First the Solar LTA Glider Hybrid, and if that fails to get him off the ground, the Flying By the Seat of Your Pants Launcher should do the job.
dentworth, Dec 22 2004

       Oh, and I almost forgot to give [Machiavelli] her present - a gift certificate for [Elective Neurosurgery ]. For the woman who has everything....
normzone, Dec 22 2004

       //I wish to give my friend [Klaatu], a born flyer, two options.// there is a third!
po, Dec 22 2004

       (aside: I heard from the Not-secret Sorta Claus the other day. He is alive and well, but too busy to play halfbakery these days)
half, Dec 22 2004

       [half], Will you send him a present from the "not so secret society of the halfbakery"?   

       A whole bunch of love, a ton of admiration, and a secret amount of good wishes!
blissmiss, Dec 23 2004

       Now that is good news half. Well except for the part about him being to busy, but then the real world does have to come first. Pass on my good wishes as well if ye get the chance.   

       And thanks for my presents FarmerJohn and calum.   

       (Would anyone from the negative vote faction care to explain what's wrong with the idea?)
RobertKidney, Dec 23 2004

       Awwww, thanks [norm]! I've always wanted to electively neurosurgerize my brain, but it's just not something I would indulge in on my own! And for you I have a Chin-Stroking Appendage, for the great thinker within you. Merry Christmas.
Machiavelli, Dec 23 2004

       Upon [Yabba Blabba] I do bestow the [Visual Magnetic Field Guitar]. Hours will be spent blasting out those solos, with the added effect of whatever it is that this particular invention actually does.   

       [Desert Fox] can count out the twelve days of Christmas with this wonderful, [Fantastically Huge Abacus]. Those pesky squares will hardly be a problem with this beast of an instrument at his fingers!   

       Most of [Worldgineer]’s festive period will be spent tinkering with the design of the [Floating Bridges]. Let’s hope he can render it bake-able before Chinese New Year!   

       When [Ksra] is done unwrapping her present, she will find a big book of [Lifeless Limericks]. This present represents her gift to turn the mundane into an art form.   

       When [Contracts] peeks under the tree,
She will find not one, but three,
Gifts addressed to her, from me.

       I’m no poet, as I’ve just proved, but Contracts shall never hear me recite anything ever again when she puts to use his brand new [White Noise Ear Plugs], [Active Noise Cancellation], and [The Husher].   

       [Machiavelli] has the honour of receiving a gift that I have half-baked myself. I give to you, the [High Brow Nosebrow], for those days when prettying up them eyebrows becomes too much.
spiritualized, Dec 25 2004

       Interesting use of he and she spiritualised. I don't know if it's ever been an idea here, but I'll gift you with a gender neutral pronoun to use in future. You also get a set of Smart Food Containers from the random bag.   

       Vernon gets an extra large notepad to draft ideas on, and a few billion miles of superconducting material to aid in saving the sun.   

       Weezil gets a domestic robot, with or without spherical magnetic propulsion, and some more smart stuff to use in his brain.   

       benfrost can have any method of festive stomach emptying the bakery can provide, but I really hope he doesn't need to use it.   

       I know it's not much po, but I got you some mysterious carpet dye. I hope it will aid you in being a bit mysterious while on the bakery.   

       Detly gets some scones and tea. I'm afraid it's a one time thing though, I'm not up to producing a vending machine.   

       ernergy guy, you get a ludicrously hot car seat powered by a V8 engine on which to fry frozen flapjacks.   

       Hope everyone had a good christmas, or just a good weekend if you don't celebrate christmas.
RobertKidney, Dec 26 2004

       Very generous idea, Robert. I am sending you just the middles of an entire box of carved cheese bubbles.   

       Sounds like [wagster] could use a nudist cosy, or a very long-tentacled polar squid.
lintkeeper2, Dec 26 2004

       I'm taking the lazy way and giving HB gift certificates to my favorite bakers (too many to name). I know it's late but think of how much more you can get with the after-x-mas sale going on!   

       A special gift for my [spiritualized] friend, though--[UB]'s Exploding Alarm Clock, for those mornings when you just can't seem to pry your eyes open, even with a crowbar.
Machiavelli, Dec 27 2004

       I see no one was brave enough to gift a jar of [ben frosts] you know what.
rambling_sid, Dec 29 2004

       Thanks Rob. I hope you liked the fake death ray I sent you... If not, I could exchange it for a random alarm clock.   

       Oops - it was supposed to be secret
energy guy, Jan 03 2005

       I just worked out RK's mystery gift - hah!
po, Jan 03 2005

       Well, thank you Mister Kidney. It'll take me some time to brainwash [jutta] into being crazy, so in the meantime, here's one I prepared earlier.   

       Or you could have the 'C' pages from my dictionary.
Detly, Jan 03 2005


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