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Self-destructing Golf Balls

For when you really, really wish you hadn't hit that car.
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Once or twice in my life, I have had the misfortune of teeing off so badly in golf that I wished the ball never made it back to the ground. Most of these instances involved a collision with either a house, a car, or another golfer.

The interesting thing about bad shots in any game (except perhaps skeet shooting and the like) is that time appears to slow down, allowing your stomach to take its sweet time in dropping to the level of your feet. Rather than spending this subjective eternity standing there feeling dumb, why not do something about it and play an active role in preventing a disaster?

The golf ball is filled with a very small quantity of impact-stable explosive, able to be triggered only by remote-control and only when the ball detects that it is in flight. (This will hopefully safeguard against practical jokers blowing each others' bollocks off by slipping one of these balls into another player's pocket, then detonating). Thus, a potentially dangerous wayward ball can be destroyed mid-flight, much like a cruise missile can be aborted before hitting its target.

As long as golfers' reflexes are fast enough, this device may save potentially embarrasing encounters between golf balls and, for example, the clubhouse windows, the boss's car, the boss's wife, a glass factory....

Needa Moeba, Aug 19 2003

Exploding Golf Balls http://www.walkingg...s.com/exgolbal.html
Yummy white powder [DeathNinja, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       The $1000 you spend on exploding golf balls and the remote control device could instead be spent on something called "golf lessons".

But I am compelled to + anything involving balls, and explosions.
DeathNinja, Aug 19 2003
  

       (1) buy golf insurance (2) stamp your enemy's name and phone number on the ball
FloridaManatee, Aug 19 2003
  

       [UnaBubba], perhaps in that case the remote control could be incorporated into the handle of the club. The detonation button might be located at the end of the grip, thus minimising the time between the unfortunate ball taking to the air and its destruction.
Needa Moeba, Aug 19 2003
  

       //The $1000 you spend on exploding golf balls and the remote control device could instead be spent on something called "golf lessons".

I've tried these things you call "golf lessons" and they don't seem to work.
custardlove, Aug 20 2003
  

       Someone nearby just suggested a mini patriot missile system (located in the golfbag, presumably, and with some kind of remote controller). This would avoid the risk and expense of stuffing every single golf ball with explosive. But might, I suppose, bring down the odd friendly sparrow.
peterd, Aug 20 2003
  

       Oh boy, missiles to destroy errant golf balls - what if you're as bad at aiming the missile as you are at aiming the golf ball?   

       I suggest that [UB] has stated the main flaws in this idea. The amount of time that you'd actually have to press the detonate button is quite small, especially after you have the "Oh my goodness, is it going to hit ... is it ... it may just miss" thought process directly before the "oops". And placing the detonator into the club handle isn't going to help much when you throw the club back into the bag in disgust at only chipping 30 yards instead of 85.   

       A positive side effect is "where the hell did that ball go", <click>, <boom>, "ah, there".
PeterSilly, Aug 20 2003
  

       Well maybe you could employ a caddy with quick reflexes and a military background?
peterd, Aug 20 2003
  

       1) How does the ball know it's in flight?
2) How about a ball that self destructs when it goes out of bounds? It doesn't stop you from hitting other golfers, but that's what "Fore!" is for.
phoenix, Aug 20 2003
  

       How;s about a tiny black hole in the center of any ball you might have second thoughts about? All you'd have to do is collapse the waveform. (This is a very silly place) But I love it.
Siward, Aug 20 2003
  
      
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