Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Shark defence

Use mathematics to repel sharks
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(+7, -6)
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Much has been made recently of the apparent fact that more people are killed annually by coconuts falling on their heads than by shark attacks.

Let's encourage those who swim in shark-infested waters to carry a coconut with them. On being attacked by a shark, they could drop the coconut on the shark's head and even up the odds of survival instantly....

semi-panaderos, Jun 11 2002

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       Ha-Ha-X? Not really a taboo subject, but it is a joke. Admins, wish to clarify/confirm?
[ sctld ], Jun 11 2002
  

       It won't float any better than my Lightning Bioprotection (which used cougars to avoid lightning strikes).
phoenix, Jun 11 2002
  

       I have a rock that keeps tigers away.
[ sctld ], Jun 11 2002
  

       I've got one for elephants. (can't see one for miles, hoho)
yamahito, Jun 11 2002
  

       Does your one work in zoo's? Mine oone always breaks down whenever i get near the tiger cage, i might send it back to the manufacturer...
[ sctld ], Jun 11 2002
  

       //I have a rock that keeps tigers away//   

       starchasing tigers? I hope not <grin>   

       as sctld says, "ha-ha-x"....but it is a good take on the situation....
runforrestrun, Jun 11 2002
  

       sctld: I've never taken it to the zoo, because that's the only place I *want* to see elephants, so I don't want to risk it...   

       Mind you, it does say *wild* elephants on the packaging, I just don't want to jinx it..
yamahito, Jun 11 2002
  

       <grin> No, it doesn't work on me.   

       Everybody, note that the X in 'ha-ha-X' is a variable.
StarChaser, Jun 12 2002
  

       yeah, but ha-ha-x is still easier to write..
yamahito, Jun 12 2002
  

       It is even easier, and in this case, correct, to just shut up, leave the poor idea alone.   

       What I meant by "ha-ha X" (and absolutely _nobody_ gets this, so it's my fault for not explaining it well, not yours for not understanding it) is an invention that is a normal thing, but with one taboo aspect added to it or changed, and that additional aspect makes it funny to the poster, but there's no actual relationship between the gross-out part and the real thing.   

       Candy = not funny.
Candy that kills you = ha-ha death.
Candy that tastes like shit = ha-ha shit.
etc.
  

       (Why doesn't "Vagina Jam" belong there? It wasn't intended as a gross-out joke, and there is more than just an accidental relationship between the two combined pieces.)   

       _This_ idea is a joke based on bad statistics, as many are. (Even the thing with the cat and the peanut butter probably was funny the first time around.) If jokes based on bad statistics bore you, we can say that we don't want those, but it doesn't have anything to do with the "ha-ha" rule.
jutta, Aug 03 2002
  

       Surely a more effective shark defence would be to wipe out the coconut palm as a species.   

       If (coconut deaths) > (shark deaths)   

       and (coconut deaths) = 0   

       then (shark deaths) can never exceed 0.   

       Actually, on closer inspection, (shark deaths) < 0, which puts us in quite the metaphysical pickle.   

       Perhaps a single, heavily guarded coconut palm grove could be preserved, and one person (a condemned criminal, or a civic-minded terminally ill person) each year could be executed/euthanised with a coconut, thus protecting the rest of the world from the Killers of the Deep.   

       That's it for me, I'm off to splash about with the Makos.
friendlyfire, Dec 13 2002
  

       I don't know about you all but I'd rather die of the coconut then being killed by a shark. Also, the statistics could be skewed. How many people are completly devoured by sharks and never found?
jvanzand, Jun 17 2003
  

       I've only had one real shark encounter, and I was letting a shot fish flop on the line while I reloaded my spear gun, so it's not the shark's fault.   

       He was as big as I am, and I simply dove on him and chased him. He stayed just out of touch, of course, but I yelled "whoop, whoop, whoop" underwater and he was gone never to be seen again.   

       Fun......
normzone, Jan 09 2004
  

       Joke:   

       A probabilist told her friend the statistician that there was a 1 x 10^(-8) chance of there being a bomb on any given airplane flight, and an approximately 1 x 10^(-16) chance of there being two.   

       The statistician didn't like the first odds much. So now, whenever he flies, he brings his own bomb.
HP LoveJet, Mar 16 2004
  

       the only mathematical defence against sharks that I know is to ensure that there are less sharks than there are myselves.
goatfaceKilla, May 06 2005
  
      
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