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Shocking Shoe

Bring your partner back in line
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Many couples live happy, joyful lives together. However, beneath the shiny surface of other relationships, sadness lurks.

Look - watch that couple over there. Don't they seem like the perfect couple? Ah! You are mistaken - for, like millions of others, these two seemingly-blissful lovers are afflicted by a tragic condition, one all the crueller for the silence that surrounds it.

Some risk factors are known. A big difference in height is often a warning sign. But sometimes there are no clear warnings - and yet, unbeknownst to all but the closest observers, the joy is being slowly sapped from this unfortunate couple's life together.

Theirs is not a relationship of equality. An evil imbalance exists. For, in this couple, one person walks faster than the other.

Oh, they *try* to slow down. To stroll rather than stride. To dawdle rather than dash. To amble rather than advance. Alas, their best efforts and noblest intentions are in vain. Whether due to excessive leg length, forgetfulness, or sheer imbecilic inability to adapt, the faster walker continues to walk too fast. What should be happy, hand-in-hand strolls become Shakespearean tragedies, as one partner is left behind, seeing their lover disappear into the distance, their hearts being silently ripped apart by the growing metres between them.

Fortunately, a solution is at hand - or, rather, at foot, so to speak. For our Shocking Shoes can save your relationships; as we like to say, "We'll help your soles to save your souls."

Our shoes come in two pairs - his and hers. Both pairs are equipped with motion sensors.

When you are walking along, with your partner's shoes switched on to the 'Training' mode, and the sensors detect that, although the shoes are moving in the same direction, your partner's shoes are moving faster than yours, this is where our PiedoPain Technology(TM) comes into play - as the electrified soles are activated. A wire grid in the sole administers a short, sharp, effectively electric shock to the fleeter feet.

Our research has shown that even the dumbest of partners quickly learn to walk more slowly thanks to our PiedoPain Technology(TM). And once they learn, they're trained for life. Don't believe us? You can see for yourself - just slow down a touch as you stroll along, and watch your partner jump in fear, maybe even yelp slightly, when they realise they are moving ahead of you. They've discovered the power of PiedoPain... so should you.

Buy our shoes, and bring your partner to heel - today.

imaginality, Sep 19 2006

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       If your relationship is that far out of touch that you can't walk hand-in-hand, then giving your partner these shoes will be the last straw. So I guess they serve some purpose, just not the one you had in mind.   

       Heck, even the proto-humans in Lucy's time managed to walk hand-in-hand!
DrCurry, Sep 19 2006
  

       Perhaps PiedoPain production prescribes a purpose for piezoelectric power?
shapu, Sep 19 2006
  

       I find that a spanking session on the sofa is very effective, though it can serve to be counter productive in rectifying this sort of wayward behaviour.   

       (See my... Harmless Slapper Zapper sometime - Shocking Shoe will be joining it in the shoe cupboard ) +
xenzag, Sep 19 2006
  

       [If your relationship is that far out of touch that you can't walk hand-in-hand]   

       Obviously the line can be extended to a pair of his-and-hers matched gloves. Turned on, they are loaded with a charge of about 1.2GVolts that produces quite an effect if separated.   

       Plus, the shoes could recognize any change in pattern such as turning around to hug your partner -- and momentarily turn off the arcing part of the gloves...
d, Sep 21 2006
  

       Shocking Shoes Corporation is pleased to announce that its founder, imaginality, proposed to his girlfriend (now his fiancee!) on December 27th. The company plans to use imaginality's engagement for marketing purposes as proof of and testimony to the enduring efficacy of Shocking Shoes.   

       The fact that neither imaginality nor his fiancee have worn the shoes themselves is a minor detail, one that should in no way be considered to diminish the power and meaningfulness of this incredible Shocking Shoes Success Story.
imaginality, Dec 28 2008
  

       Well done! Congratulations. Maybe the shoes can be reconfigured for that first dance? One of Frank Zappa's tunes, I suggest.
4whom, Dec 30 2008
  
      
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