Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Shop Monster

Child scarer for supermarkets
  (+16, -6)(+16, -6)
(+16, -6)
  [vote for,

Of the many horrors which confront the supermarket shopper, surely the worst is the spectacle of little children screaming, shouting and rolling on the floor, because their parents refuse them some trinket or other. This is an embarrasment all round. The parents are unwilling to chastise the infant, for fear of attracting the attention of the Social Services, and bystanders are unwilling to intervene, risking the possible wrath of the parents.

We must look to the supermarket proprietors for a solution. I suggest they employ an official Child Frightener. This individual, of imposing stature and formidable attire, would patrol the aisles menacingly, and could be pointed to by parents, with a warning that he might `get' naughty children, and take them off to his den. Often, the mere presence of this beast will deter all but the vilest of tykes from error.

Should an actual tantrum incident occur, the Frightener would hasten to the scene, and administer a suitably terrifying verbal tirade against the offender, possibly adding dramatic effect by unlimbering a large canvas sack, and espousing his intention to `take the wretch away' and `have him in the pot'.

Mickey the Fish, Sep 25 2000

Struwellpeter http://www.debased.com/struwellpeter.html
For those who don't know. [DrBob, Sep 25 2000, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Struwwelpeter (I've got the spelling right now...) http://www.amazon.c...026-3121374-9746018
Buy it today! [hippo, Sep 25 2000, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Struwwelpeter http://www.vcu.edu/...uwwel/struwwel.html
Try before you buy. The entire book appears to be online here, with gory illutrations. I like "The Story Of Little Suck-A-Thumb". [hippo, Sep 25 2000, last modified Oct 17 2004]


       Could we get a monster for the Social Services (SS!) agents, too?
beauxeault, Sep 25 2000

       I just stare a little too long, look away for a flash then look back and twitch my nose a little. Shuts strangers kids up every time.
thumbwax, Sep 25 2000

       "Son, it's time I told you: the monster at the store isn't real. That's right, he's just a man in a costume. I... son, put down the carving knife."
centauri, Sep 25 2000

       "Supermarket Struwwelpeter" might be a catchier name.
hippo, Sep 26 2000

       Speaking from a child's point of view, I'd like to say that there's nothing worse than being dragged away from your friends and toys by a grumpy adult who want's to go shopping. And then, when you try to join in with the spirit of the thing by suggesting some more good things that they could buy, they get all stroppy and start shouting. If they don't want kids to enjoy the whole shopping experience why take them along? It's the adults that need sorting out if you ask me.
DrBob, Sep 26 2000

       Boy, you're not kidding.
thumbwax, Sep 26 2000

       How about you give the child it's own trolley and credit card and let it buy it's own stuff. The credit limit would be very low so to avoid having to call in 'Bermondsey Dave' but would be able to teach the youngster the delights of shopping in the real world! He/She will soon realise that one cannot simply buy what one likes, but what one needs - like rice, fags and cheddar!
ccaamgw, Sep 27 2000

       Hell on wheels - five kids in the car at the supermarket - and nowhere to park it ... unless they're Asian kids. What's the secret of raising well-behaved children who grow up to be problem-free and successful? My tribe specialise in stumbling from one major problem to another as a life-style, and then tell me that's normal. But this is not so among my Asian friends' families. Why not? They don't seem to know why, and just say to me, "You get bad luck."
rayfo, Nov 15 2000

       American kids get the world's worst jobs. We fear growing up due to the distorted ideas of responsibility we get from our folks. Eurasian kids might get, "Take the kercheif with the gold into the haunted street and over the fetid swamp to the house of the last of the damned and bring back enough of the worm food and salt for our meal." Beaten or worse if they fail. American kids get, "Don't take your eyes off your baby sister while mom's gone to pay the rent, and if dad wets his pants while he's sitting there you hide his cigarettes. Don't let him smoke!" Beaten or worse if they fail. No wonder Eurasian kids behave, they feel like their survival depends on doing exactly as they're told.
reensure, Nov 15 2000

       reensure: You should really do more research before you post your comments. Everyone knows that you go across the Troll Bridge and turn left at the end of Dragon Pass to get to the House of the Damned. It's nowhere near the fetid swamp.
DrBob, Nov 16 2000

       Oh, fen! DrBob, you're right. I should give up my aspirations of baby sitting for the new lords. Maybe I can still eck out life as a pet?
reensure, Nov 16 2000

       OK, but you'll have to empty the old one out of the glass jar first.
DrBob, Nov 17 2000

       As the troll who lives under the bridge, I'll have to side with DrBob on this one. I never leave the fetid swamp, and I've never seen any kids, Eurasian or otherwise, anywhere near it.   

       If I had, I'd have eaten them.
1percent, Apr 11 2001

       Go to a parenting course. Most of them definitely help.   

       About Struwwelpeter, some of the kids that read these stories in their original language, got into power in the 1930s and then reenacted the scenes in the real world in the 1940s... very educational.
pashute, Dec 18 2013


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