Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
No, not that kind of baked.

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Skillet Mangle

  [vote for,

... wrought-iron frame, 6" nitrided cast-iron cylinders adjustably counterweighted for variable pressure and fired up by small internal gas burner rails; operated by a long graceful crank-handle, pointed in oak.

Bread and bacon sold separately.

If your culinary tastes are more complex, the art-deco version is electric, including the roller feed which features an "autoreverse" function to keep the food moving between the rollers. You can make a decent grilled cheese sandwich by letting it process a raw cheese one on Low-Medium for a while, then coming back and switching the machine to High for the crispy outer layer once the cheese is melted. Done up in bakelite and white enamelled aluminium with a loading and serving tray.

The modern upscale model, plastic and titanium with a tiny LCD menu screen, operated completely by 4 tiny buttons to choose the cycle, can defrost, cook, then braise a porkchop all in one sequence, and put "grill lines" onto a steak after cooking it to the requested internal RGB value.

FlyingToaster, Oct 16 2012

Roller Grill http://www.kunzler.com/grill.asp
The reasons why you should not eat food cooked on one of these things are too numerous to list in full, but it begins with the fact that in a 24-hour convenience store they are rarely, if ever, turned off and cleaned. [Alterother, Oct 17 2012]


       This is extremely.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 16 2012

       It's the silent tense of the phrase "let me take you on a journey of culinary delight. Imagine if you will . . .", okay fine: now with more grammar.
FlyingToaster, Oct 16 2012

       <stomach growls> [+]
baconbrain, Oct 17 2012

       I keep reading this as Skittle Mangle.... a game of ultimate destruction.
xenzag, Oct 17 2012

       Mmmm, bacon … [+]
8th of 7, Oct 17 2012

       This is utterly pointless for cooking bacon, since it's already flat. What this would be useful for is the intersection of foods that can be cooked in a skillet and would be better flattened. Hmm, I dunno… Omelette crepes, maybe? Bun regardless.
ytk, Oct 17 2012

       ^Actually it's wonderful for cooking bacon: set the mangle pressure to High, crank the burners to between Medium-High and Crispy depending on your taste, rotate the handle a few times to distribute the heat, and start feeding in rashers 3-4 at a time. The bacon goes in one side raw and comes out the other how you like it; most of the excess grease will drip into the pan.   

       If you want some toast to go with that bacon then set the flame to Low, set the mangle pressure to very light, and start slowly feeding in bread slices.   

       Now technically it could probably make that vile substance known as "melba toast" by combining a high-pressure with a medium heat and a very slow crank, but that voids the warranty and our customer service people will not return your calls.
FlyingToaster, Oct 17 2012

       [+], although this partially already exists in accidental form: when I was the night manager of a college-town 7/11 (a period of my life that left me with a great wealth of amusing anecdotes), I learned to pay extra attention to the roller grill*, since in that era there existed a detestable comestible known as the Bacon Cheeseburger Dog, which was a sausage-shaped food product that resembled a meticulously produced dog turd. It consisted of guaranteed 80% named meat and various substances that tasted somewhat like cheese and bacon.   

       Since the Bacon Cheeseburger Dog had an irregular surface texture, every once in a while one would stop turning on the rollers and the underside would slowly cook down, shrinking as it lost moisture and fat, until it was skinny enough to slip between the rollers. There it would become lodged, since the top part, which wasn't fully cooked, was still too wide to fit through.   

       On a particularly busy Friday or Saturday night, a Bacon Cheeseburger Dog so entrapped might remain undiscovered for half an hour or longer, resulting in a mess that defies polite description but which, on the whole, was probably not much worse than the desired outcome.   

       *(for those who are blessed to have never eaten food cooked on one, see <link>)
Alterother, Oct 17 2012

       Ah, of course - one of the rollers can be set to run the other way for evenly cooked sausages: good one.   

       The rollers can be set for vertical feed as well as horizontal, to improve the grease runoff characteristcs from dripping bacon, as well as handle the aforementioned sausages.   

       And, of course, turning one burner rail off is the "bagel setting".
FlyingToaster, Oct 18 2012

       + A nice idea- like a panini press but with the roller grill aspect.
xandram, Oct 18 2012

       TIL dog turds have cheese and bacon flavor.
Voice, Oct 19 2012

       TIL what TIL means.
Alterother, Oct 19 2012


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