h a l f b a k e r y
Number one on the no-fly list
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Slack mail is like snail mail, but even slower.
And with Slack Mail, you have a choice. Youve got standard delivery optionsa year, twenty years, a century. Or you can set your own delivery date, as long as its slower than first class delivery.
Slack mail is forwarded to warehouses
out west where its kept in giant holding bins labeled with delivery dates far into the future.
And when it finally arrives, it looks like regular snail mail.
* * * * *
Charlene peered down the aisle that disappeared into the misty distance.
So, this is all Slack Mail? she said.
Yep, it was all my idea.
She looked at the delivery date on the label, furrowing her brow.
This one says 2503!
Yeah, 500 years is a popular option.
But all of these are 2503.
Sure, nuclear waste. Everybody sends it out Slack Mail nowadays. By the time its delivered, its cooled off enough to handle.
But 500 years! What if it...
Cant be delivered? Then it goes to the dead letter box. Look out the window, Charlene, I said, pointing to a nearby mountain.
Yucca Flats! she said.
I nodded, pleased with myself. Who would have guessed Id turned the Post Office into the worlds largest nuclear depository. Too late, I noticed the hypo in her hand.
This is for your own good, Plute, she said as Charlie grabbed me from behind.
The next thing I knew I was trussed up, covered with stamps, loaded in a bin headed for 3003. With nothing but plutonium for company.
Was I mad!
But I had a plan. Once I got delivered into the technologically advanced third millennium, Id buy a time machine and come back.
And then Id give her a good what for. Charlie too.
future email address
Email version is one of the earliest ideas on the bakery [krelnik, Oct 04 2004]
Pluterday's story, the Devine Hahoo
I read this, very entertaining! good book Lou! [dentworth, Dec 13 2004]
||This would make for cheap storage. Instead of paying $49 a month to keep furniture in a storehouse, just mail it to yourself and choose the 1-year option.
||I thought Charlie was in Pakistan!
||I'd hate to mar any of plute's ideas with an annotation such as this, but I have to ask. Isn't this just a rant? Be patient, your HB pencil will get there when it gets there.
||Needs to be in a book... 'The improbable adventures of Pluterday.'
||Royalties deferred until 3003.
||How does [budhapest] know Charlie's schedule?
||Gives more (less?) meaning to "the check is in the mail."
||Whoa.....just got my pencil in today's mail. Three gifts in one---the pencil, the pencil-shaped package, and the bubble-wrap. All the way from California to Ontario!! I am one happy baker.
||Kerrchingg!! (sound of penny dropping).
So what date were Osama and Saddam posted to???