Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Number one on the no-fly list

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Slack Mail

Using what the post office does best
  [vote for,

Slack mail is like snail mail, but even slower.

And with Slack Mail, you have a choice. You’ve got standard delivery options—a year, twenty years, a century. Or you can set your own delivery date, as long as it’s slower than first class delivery.

Slack mail is forwarded to warehouses out west where it’s kept in giant holding bins labeled with delivery dates far into the future.

And when it finally arrives, it looks like regular snail mail.

* * * * *

Charlene peered down the aisle that disappeared into the misty distance.
“So, this is all Slack Mail?” she said.
“Yep, it was all my idea.”
She looked at the delivery date on the label, furrowing her brow.
“This one says 2503!”
“Yeah, 500 years is a popular option.”
“But all of these are 2503.”
“Sure, nuclear waste. Everybody sends it out Slack Mail nowadays. By the time it’s delivered, it’s cooled off enough to handle.”
“But 500 years! What if it...”
“Can’t be delivered? Then it goes to the dead letter box. Look out the window, Charlene,” I said, pointing to a nearby mountain.
“Yucca Flats!” she said.
I nodded, pleased with myself. Who would have guessed I’d turned the Post Office into the world’s largest nuclear depository. Too late, I noticed the hypo in her hand.
“This is for your own good, Plute,” she said as Charlie grabbed me from behind.

The next thing I knew I was trussed up, covered with stamps, loaded in a bin headed for 3003. With nothing but plutonium for company.

Was I mad!

But I had a plan. Once I got delivered into the technologically advanced third millennium, I’d buy a time machine and come back.

And then I’d give her a good what for. Charlie too.

Damn environmentalists.
pluterday, Sep 25 2003

future email address http://www.halfbake...e_20email_20address
Email version is one of the earliest ideas on the bakery [krelnik, Oct 04 2004]

Pluterday's story, the Devine Hahoo http://www.lulu.com/browse/search.php
I read this, very entertaining! good book Lou! [dentworth, Dec 13 2004]


       This would make for cheap storage. Instead of paying $49 a month to keep furniture in a storehouse, just mail it to yourself and choose the 1-year option.
phundug, Sep 25 2003

       Was you mad!
FarmerJohn, Sep 25 2003

       I thought Charlie was in Pakistan!
k_sra, Sep 25 2003

       I'd hate to mar any of plute's ideas with an annotation such as this, but I have to ask. Isn't this just a rant? Be patient, your HB pencil will get there when it gets there.
Worldgineer, Sep 25 2003

       Needs to be in a book... 'The improbable adventures of Pluterday.'
RayfordSteele, Sep 25 2003

       Royalties deferred until 3003.
FarmerJohn, Sep 25 2003

       How does [budhapest] know Charlie's schedule?
k_sra, Sep 25 2003

       Gives more (less?) meaning to "the check is in the mail."
oxen crossing, Sep 26 2003

       Whoa.....just got my pencil in today's mail. Three gifts in one---the pencil, the pencil-shaped package, and the bubble-wrap. All the way from California to Ontario!! I am one happy baker.
lintkeeper2, Sep 26 2003

       Kerrchingg!! (sound of penny dropping). So what date were Osama and Saddam posted to???
megauk, Nov 06 2003

       great story.
dentworth, Dec 13 2004


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle