Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Like gliding backwards through porridge.

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Slap'n'Tickle Machine

Install in pubs and bars for a plentiful and consistent cash flow.
  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2)
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For those who aren't familiar with the phrase "slap'n'tickle", it means, to be blunt, sex.

The Slap'n'Tickle Machine resembles a bog standard vending machine, perhaps with some exiting-looking knobs on the side to look convincing. Large signs cover both the machine and the wall behind it, to attract the punters.

"SLAP'N'TICKLE MACHINE" "GET SOME SLAP'N'TICKLE HERE" "CHEAP, CLEAN AND HIGHLY PLEASURABLE"

When a coin is inserted into the slot by a desperate punter, lights flash and dramatic buzzing noises are made.

Then a mechanical hand appears from one side of the machine and slaps the customer lightly around the face; simultaneously a second hand appears from the other side and tickles the user in the chest/armpit area.

Mr Phase, Apr 20 2006

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       If someone was expecting /sex/, wouldn't they punch and kick the machine? bun anyway, I like it. +
xandram, Apr 20 2006
  

       [sp] exciting.   

       Also available - the rumpy-pumpy chair.
egbert, Apr 20 2006
  

       And the machine that asks you how your father is.
Mr Phase, Apr 21 2006
  

       Wha?! I ... understand, but ... I ... WHA?!
Letsbuildafort, Apr 21 2006
  

       I think someone's watched one too many Carry On movies.
neuro, Apr 21 2006
  

       Would this be the only Slap and Tickle machine in the village?
ConsulFlaminicus, Apr 21 2006
  

       Haven't seen a single Carry On movie (a bit before my time) and the only scene I can recall (from various clip shows) is with Barbara Windsor and some sequined nipple-tassles...
Mr Phase, Apr 21 2006
  

       "Right, mate, first time here, eh? Here, here's a coin, go have a go at that machine over there - we've all done it, it's great (snigger)..."
smendler, Nov 17 2015
  
      
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