Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Think of it as a spell checker that insults you, as well.

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Smart(ass) Phone

Call Center Training Tool
  [vote for,

The new Call Center employee would receive this special phone during their probationary period to test whether they had the skills to make it in this industry.

The special filter circuits in this phone could be flipped on at any time by Call Center Management. It instantly interprets what the incoming caller says and converts the signal to a withering and relentless string of expletives and invectives. A typical conversation might start out like this:

"Good afternoon, this is Bertram, how may I assist you today?"

The distraught little old lady caller says, "Well, Bertram, the drive door on my DVD drive doesn't open anymore..." But Bertram doesn't hear that.

Instead, Bertram is assailed with this abrasive diatribe, "Don't give me that drivel Bertie! Maybe if I shoved this piece-of-sh*t DVD drive up your arse..." and so on, in a downward spiral of abusive repartee.

All the while, Bertram must answer the caller as if it is a perfectly civil call (since he won't know if the filter has been turned on), making helpful suggestions delivered in a soothing tone... "Well, I understand you're having a problem with your DVD drive. Have you tried a little lubricant..."

If the phone detects the caller is actually being abusive, the circuits automatically switch off and allow nature to take its course.

Grogster, Mar 23 2012

A Car Phone for one of these? http://farm3.static...5172_0478b3640f.jpg
[Dub, Mar 25 2012]


       Instead of automating it, pay the customer. when they get through to the switchboard, "press 1 to speak with an operative as usual. Press 2 to take part in our abuse training programme. Your account will be credited 5p for each insult and swear word you use".
pocmloc, Mar 23 2012

       You could just have Marine Corps (Royal or US, dealer's choice) Drill Instructors stalk up and down between the cubicles: "You call that advice, you lily-livered trail of snake shit?! I've heard better IT solutions from my fucktarded four-year-old niece, you fermented heap of human compost!"
Alterother, Mar 23 2012


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