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Sovereign Leader Of Planet Earth

Sort of a cross between the royal family and Boaty Mc Boatface. Plus they wear a bag on their head.
  [vote for,

The people have spoken!

"This year's Sovereign Leader Of Planet Earth is... envelope please.... Jack Bigsby of Ontario Canada! (applause)

Jack is a medical products engineer who started his business after growing up in a poor neighborhood and putting himself through college. When he graduated, he developed several devices that have helped save countless lives. He donates regularly to scholarship programs for the underprivileged and says people should try to get along despite their differences.

Here's your scepter, robe and very tall hat.

It must be pointed out that the Sovereign Leader Of Planet Earth is a ceremonial position whose decrees may or may not be followed but his dictates will be discussed, debated and shared by whoever is interested. Whatever power he or she has comes from the fact that they were chosen by millions of people all over the world as being somebody who should run things if there were such a position."

doctorremulac3, Oct 16 2018


       This is the guy that gets shoved out front when Earth is the victim of First Contact?   

       <near star wars quote>Are you brain dead? I'm not going out there... send - er, Jack Bigsby</nswq>
lurch, Oct 17 2018

       Lol. Yes.   

       Not being able to opt out would make this an interesting post. Technically it’s involuntary servitude but you get the hat ‘n stuff.
doctorremulac3, Oct 17 2018

       // guy that gets shoved out front when Earth is the victim of First Contact? //   

       "Victim"'s a harsh word ... although historically, after announcing "Mankind welcomes you, in peace and friendship" the First Contactee is either instantly vapourized by a directed-energy weapon, or subjected to a vigorous anal probing sufficient to cause their earwax to melt and trickle down the sides of their head.   

       So we suggest a U.N. "Cultural Ambassador", like ... Justin Bieber ?   

       When you get round to Second Contact, we suggest Patrick Stewart, because the worst that can happen to him is being mobbed by autograph hunters.
8th of 7, Oct 17 2018


       Popularity contests suck, that's how you lot wound up with Trump in the first place.
What you want to do is ask potential Sovereigns the same series of questions and people only get to vote on responses to those questions without knowing which candidate is answering. This would eliminate Gerrymandering and other such political shenanigans.

       The candidate who runs the entire gauntlet with the highest rating is in.   


       My hat size is really small.   

       You'd just end up putting the winners of Eurovision in charge of running Earth.
Cuit_au_Four, Oct 18 2018

       Would that be worse than the human-rights fiasco we have now? Maybe the only way to kill a hydra is to squish all of its heads together into one head that can't pretend to argue with itself...   

       I mean, this couldn't hurt right? Might be fun to watch on TV. Dial in for your vote. "I like the guy who doesn't talk much and looks pissed off." This segment brought to you by Listerine. "You can't exactly command respect as leader of planet Earth if your breath stinks. Listerine."   

       For you Englands that might not get that, it's a mouthwash presumably named after Joseph Lister, a guy who studied bad breath. If you have that over there might want to ask why you're not selling your own brand of peppermint flavored alcohol, especially since Lister was an English guy.   

       If it's actually an English brand that we're importing over here, never mind.
doctorremulac3, Oct 18 2018

       You talk about it like a joke but it is what the planet needs.   

       We're all one race on a very badly run ship which is currently being torn open by icebergs and the band just keeps on playing while the working class gets locked below decks.   

       We need a planetary government.
That planetary government needs more than a popularity contest to determine the person accountable for the direction our course as a single species takes.

       It can't be a popularity contest. All candidates must run the same gauntlet of questions and be ultimately chosen on merit alone.
Any human should be able to cast their hat in the ring, and the field would quickly whittle out the no-nothings, sell-outs, and pension-hoarding-mo-fo's we are now subjected to.

       We would just need a secure enough tamper-proof system to guard against fraud and a way to ensure that voters could see to it that their "one vote" went where they actually put it...   

       Maybe it's not a job for humans.   

       I've been saying automate the law and education for a long time. Maybe it's time to automate government.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2018

       //no-nothings// Sp. "know-nothings", shirley?   

       //a way to ensure that voters could see to it that their "one vote" went where they actually put it// That's been tried. You elected Donald Trump.   

       //It can't be a popularity contest.// OK, so you will be content if the person governing you is the person none of you actually wants to govern you? I think that has also been tried, though possibly a few thousand miles east of where you are.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2018

////Sp. "know-nothings", shirley?////

       If they knew how to spell correctly they wouldn't be "no-nothings"   

       ////a way to ensure that voters could see to it that their "one vote" went where they actually put it// That's been tried. You elected Donald Trump.////   

       No. People have no way to check where exactly their vote ended up. They chose anonymity instead to avoid peer retribution. Not my monkey. not my circus. North of the border isn't much better... just a bit more socialist.   

       // OK, so you will be content if the person governing you is the person none of you actually wants to govern you? I think that has also been tried, though possibly a few thousand miles east of where you are//   

I would be content if the person running the show was the most qualified to lead my species even if I don't like them. If their thoughts have run the gauntlet of all of humanity's scrutiny and been chosen based on that alone with no media hype or foreknowledge of who was being voted on until after the vote had been tallied...

       Then yes. That person will then have earned my respect.
The dog and pony show glamour we are currently being force-fed doesn't even gain my confidence let alone my respect.

       Even you dude... if you fit the bill.   

       Frankly, I wouldn't want the job. And anyone who would want the job would not be the right person to have it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 19 2018


       Why do we need this position when we already have Zaphod as President of the Galaxy?
RayfordSteele, Oct 19 2018

       He's definitely the example for others to emulate.
doctorremulac3, Oct 20 2018

       I think that the problem with this is people. An Englishman will never think that a Frenchman is the best person to rule the world; a German will never think that a... well, any non-German is the best person to rule the world, etc.   

       Therefore, whoever is elected will be rejected by at least 90% of the world's population. Therefore, any nations making up that 90% will simply say "Pah!" or "Hien" or "Nein danke" or somesuch, and carry on with their own business. Of course, if the elected person were American, Chinese or possibly Russian, then the respective country could have a jolly good go at pacifying all the others.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 20 2018

       Russia's a third world country with nukes. They're not pacifying anybody.   

       The U.S. is engaged in "Civil War 2: The Democrats (who lost the first Civil War) Strike Back!" so we've got our hands full.   

       Now China on the other hand... let's hope they don't decide to bring the whole world together in the spirit of brotherhood, togetherness and peace (once a little housecleaning is done) like the Germans did in the 40s. Then we may have a problem.   

       But yes, doubtful any of the people of Earth would vote for some foreigner, just on principal. Make 'em wear a bag on their head and keep where they're from a secret?   

       I like that. "Here's your scepter, robe and bag." See edit to idea description.
doctorremulac3, Oct 20 2018

       "Klaatu barada nikto" ?
8th of 7, Oct 20 2018

       //the stupid one with Keanu Reeves//   

       Which, by the way, could apply to all his movies as well.   

       Except Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.   

       Which was stupid too.
doctorremulac3, Oct 20 2018

       Just because the guy has "Keanu" for a first name doesn't make him stupid. It's just coincidence.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 22 2018

       Unless it turns out his name was Kevin and that's just the way he pronounces it.
doctorremulac3, Oct 22 2018


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