Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Spell "Hors d'Oeuvres" "Orderves"

It's time to knock off the fancy pants spelling with 80 additional vowels, each screaming "LOOK IT ME! I'M SPECIAL! I CAN SPELL FRENCH STUFF!"
  [vote for,

Know your place words, do your job and stop this ridiculous showmanship. We get it, you're French, but you're in America now so KNOCK IT OFF!!

If a word could ever be an arrogant jerk, it's horseo'duderv0'overes#ezez or however it's spelled. Time to bust it down a notch and tell it to get to work like the rest of the words in the ENGLISH dictionary.

Orderves: the F22 style modern upgrade of the word hors d'oeuvres whose aeronautical equivalent is the 1843 aerial carriage. (link)

And who's going to stop us? The French? Riiiight.

doctorremulac3, Feb 17 2020

Hors d'oeuvres https://images.app....l/ABeGvvHDje6Eiuhu5
[doctorremulac3, Feb 17 2020]

Orderves https://nationalint...f-35-dogfight-25868
[doctorremulac3, Feb 17 2020]

Trump learning how to read https://giphy.com/g...habet-RfZZhhE2v0H0A
.... and doing really well! [xenzag, Feb 18 2020]

How to pronounce hors d'oeuvres https://www.youtube...watch?v=o1-ndsRPxbM
Here you go voice. [doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020]

Adventures In English explained with non stop hand gestures. https://www.youtube...watch?v=K1XQx9pGGd0
His hands don't stop moving. He does this to signify that he's talking I think. [doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020]

But without rules in spelling you get this... https://www.youtube...watch?v=EShUeudtaFg
[doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020]


       I always thought it was "orderbs".
FlyingToaster, Feb 17 2020

       That would be preferable to horsydervio'ovresese.   

       And you know, it might piss people off even more which is the whole point of this exercise.   

       How about "derbs"? Sounds like "derp!" which is good. Fancy waiter comes up with his tray and good posture and fancy foreign accent and says "Derps?".
doctorremulac3, Feb 17 2020

       Why try to make it sound like it's still French? French being a synonym for "wrong", I would go with "snacks". Or "Derps" - yeah, that would work.
lurch, Feb 17 2020

       What [lurch] said.
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       If you're not in England you shouldn't be speaking English.
pocmloc, Feb 17 2020

       Quite the reverse. English should be spoken everywhere. This helps poor benighted foreigners, who were born to speak and understand English, but through jabbering in their funny foreign lingo have simply forgotten how.   

       A swift ding alongside the lughole and a few copper coins scattered in the dust for them to scrabble after usually does the trick. If that fails then recourse must be made to the English Language Training Club.
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       Ah, we spell it aps.
theircompetitor, Feb 17 2020

       But is that not a word that The Knights Who Say "Ni !" must never hear ?
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       This way madness lies. This is why you see American menus with "flaming yawn" listed.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 17 2020

       Phonetics have a lot to answer for.   

       Odd, really, they were doing so well in the Bronze Age, when they travelled all the way to Cornwall to buy tin... and then somehow they just lost it all.
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       You mean "faux n'est yques", shirley?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 17 2020

       English (the language) has absorbed so many words from so many other languages, sometimes I wonder how ANY of us manage to read/write it. Every "rule" has so many exceptions, that there are effectively no rules; it's pretty much completely context-dependent.
neutrinos_shadow, Feb 17 2020

       And the problem with that is what, exactly ?
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       //Quite the reverse. English should be spoken everywhere.//   

       Say what you will about the English, but as far as what language earthlings need to speak if they want to get anything done, that contest is over. If you're going to fly anything internationally you'll need to speak english, it's the language of high tech and international commerce and it's supposedly very hard to learn for which you get bonus points.   

       Hey Spain, France and even Germany and Russia, you had your chance. And before anybody points out that in sheer numbers Spanish and Mandarin Chinese wins out, I'll again point out, when those folks decide they want to fly the big birds, they'll need to learn the lingo. English.   

       And the first words from the Moon weren't "Base de tranquillité ici, l'aigle a atterri."
doctorremulac3, Feb 17 2020

       //very hard to learn // Actually, basic English is one of the easiest languages to learn, especially for speaking/writing. Learning to understand spoken/written English is harder, because there is such a large vocabulary and so many idiosyncratic phrases.   

       So, if you want to speak/write to an English speaker, it's fairly easy ("my house is big"). If you want to understand their reply, it's harder ("really? just how large would you say your pied-a-terre actually is old bean?").
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 17 2020

       If you were to make a reduction, slowly and in a copper pan, over medium heat, in some tile-walled bistro kitchen of the 18th arrondissement, the carbon that would be stuck to the pan after all the fluid turned into a pure French steam would be (a) inedible and (b) an idea that could be summed up as "Spell things easier" which was an old and weak-ass idea even when Noah Webster had it back in the day. If non-phonemic orthography is your beef, rejoice that you will all soon be speaking Spanish.
calum, Feb 17 2020

       Spanish? Either Hindi, based on population growth and immigration; or Mandarin, based on politics...
neutrinos_shadow, Feb 17 2020

       // If you want to understand their reply, it's harder //   

       But that's more because foreigners are inherently less intelligent ...   

       // you had your chance. //   

       Even major "national" languages are heading toward the "endangered" list. Not just obscure dialects of Bahasia Indonesia, or Hindi, or Nahuatl; Swedish (very difficult to learn), Bulgarian, Finnish (another tough one) even Italian are threatened, and it's not hard to see why.   

       It's because everyone, everywhere, under 20 tends to know some English and there are strong social pressures to improve. It's insidious. So you buy a phone with a Farsi language option ... but the "get you started" leaflet is in two dozen languages and one of them is English.   

       If Mandarin or Cantonese speakers travel overseas, they need English. If you're in a foreign country, the one language most young people will at least understand is English (If it's shouted, slowly).   

       In a century, after all the old people have died, even Spanish and Mandarin will be nothing more than cultural curiosities like Old English and Latin.   

       // Either Hindi, based on population growth and immigration; //   

       But those Hindi speakers want to assimilate (a very laudable ambition, and one of which we thoroughly approve) and a good way to do that is to be fluent in English, because then you can communicate with anyone ...   

       What are the chances that just about every Hindi-speaking immigrant speaks, and certainly understands, some English ? The common language of the Indian subcontinent is English.   

       // or Mandarin, based on politics //   

       Politics demonstrates remarkable solubility in liquid money ...   

       Even through the Great Firewall of China, it's possible to see enough of the world to realize that a lot of the nice, fun stuff is in Engish.   

       What ya gonna' learn ... ?
8th of 7, Feb 17 2020

       Language serves at least two distinct purposes, namely, communication ("look at that") and expression ("look at me"). The words used in exclusive restaurants tend to serve the latter purpose - but then, in a different way, so do the words used in rock'n'roll lyrics.   

       //And who's going to stop us?The French?// no, but rather, those of your fellow Americans who, for one reason or another, are keen to stand out* vividly against a background of you. Orthography alone will not compel them to get over themselves.   

       *and also, perhaps, a small number of people who are actually interested in how languages change, and how words (and therefore ideas) come to be the way they are. But those people can usually be shouted down unless they have outside support.
pertinax, Feb 18 2020

       <Adds [CH]'s name to the list of Clever Ones That Need To Be Watched Closely/>   

       So, you've noticed, eh ? Well, nothing to worry about ... nothing at all. Pure coincidence, of course. Keep calm and carry on.   

       // it has a long way to go. //   

       Not as far as you think ...
8th of 7, Feb 18 2020

       More a sort of shrubbery, so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle ...   

       And we have many lists. You just have to be careful not to end up like [xenzag], on a Special List all of your own with only you on it ...
8th of 7, Feb 18 2020

       By the way, my theory of why English won the language war is because the English were not only building empires, they were inventing stuff. This inventing stuff culture continued in America and thrived with the shackles of empire broken. This new world "incubator for innovation culture" attracted entrepreneurial types from all over Europe to this country where English was the official language.   

       Next thing you know, if it was being invented, it was being invented in English. When the Age Of Ascendance happened between 1884 and 1984, almost all those inventions that ushered in the modern age were theorized about, discussed, experimented with, developed and distributed throughout the world in English.   

       Anyway that's my "halfway through my first cup of coffee, just waking up" theory.   

       And so as not to re-ignite the "'Mercans avent evathang!" debate I'll point out that it's the culture of the free market and individual promise of success if deserved in a relatively non socially stratified culture that foments innovation.   

       Americans invented the atom bomb and the theory of relativity with a German immigrant, the hydrogen bomb with a Hungarian immigrant, the nuclear reactor with an Italian immigrant etc. and to get back to the language thing, they all did so after abandoning their native language and adopting English.   

       As far as why they came here, ask them. I know my relatives came here to escape Stalin on one side and to get rich in the new world on the other. (The side descendant from William Wallis)   

       And one last thing, (the coffee's kicking in) I make fun of the French because it's what our culture does, but I love the French. I love France and every French person I've ever met in my work and exploration travels has been amazingly cool to me.
doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020

       // I love the French. I love France //   

       Don't worry, [doc], researchers are working hard to develop a cure ...
8th of 7, Feb 18 2020

       For the first half of my life I pronounced that word wrong because no one taught me the right way to say it and I learned the word from reading.
Voice, Feb 18 2020

       (Voice) See link. You're welcome.
doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020

       Stable Genius shows he's finally learned how to write out the entire alphabet. The whole world is in total awe.(see link)
xenzag, Feb 18 2020

       Melvyn Bragg had a series - called "The Adventure it English" - which was a history of English, ostensibly with the through-line of explaining how it rose to dominance. I can't remember if it was any good. Probably not, though Melvyn's hair was luxurious as usual.
calum, Feb 18 2020

       //The Adventure it English// Was it his second language?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 18 2020

       Looks pretty interesting. I'll be checking it out. (link)
doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020

       // Was it his second language? //   

       Observational evidence indicates yes; he normally speaks Adenoidally ...
8th of 7, Feb 18 2020

       Don't get me wrong, I'm all for rules in spelling, otherwise you get anarchy. (link)
doctorremulac3, Feb 18 2020

       No, without rules in spelling you get annercky
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 18 2020

       It's anarkiy
Voice, Feb 19 2020

       I have read somewhere that the silent "e"s that Andrew Carnegie and others blu millions of dollars on, in one effort to eliminate them from English, are still wagging the doge because the Normans spoke French.
4and20, Feb 19 2020

       I worked in a place once that had a Singapore office. It was the fashion then for women who worked for western companies in Singapore to adopt a 'western' name to be known by. For some reason one of our employees chose the name Siobhan which was spelt (in, for example, her email address), 'Shvonne'.
hippo, Feb 19 2020

       // the Normans spoke French //   

       The Normans did not speak french; they spoke a bastard (tech.) dialect similar to french, but with elements of Scandinavian and Celtic lamguages.   

       The word "Normans" comes from the conjunction of North and Men; "men of the North", Scandiwegians, Vikings ... not french at all.
8th of 7, Feb 19 2020

       Not hedgehogs; etymological analysis would suggest that the Pirañha brothers were of South American extraction, Brazil being the most obvious origin.   

       As to the ancestry of Spiny Norman, he was most likely British, though there is a view that he was merely the product of Ian Tindale's deranged imagination.
8th of 7, Feb 20 2020

       I always thought you referred to your reproductive region as being your "Spiny Norman". ha
xenzag, Feb 20 2020


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