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Stairgate to Heaven

Needed oh so badly ...
  [vote for,

It's become clear that, despite the Pearly Gates and much more stringent border checks, far too many of the wrong sort of people are still getting into heaven.

This must be stopped. It seems that under the current regulations, all sorts of undesireables, including poor people, foreigners, and even Democratic voters can get in - just because they are, allegedly, "good".

The obvious answer is to build a wall - a good big high one, with razor wire and watchtowers and serchlights - with a gate in it, manned by volunteers from them tharr good ol' boys of the National Rifle Association.

Anyone will be allowed in, provided that they meet a few very simple conditions, such as being white, Protestant, having adequate medical insurance, a valuable skill, and a substantial personal income.

The policy will be in place until the Last Trump sounds.

8th of 7, Sep 26 2016

The Last Trump https://gracethrufa...-called-last-trump/
It really exists (apparently) [8th of 7, Sep 26 2016]


       I always assumed that the Last Trump was something that happened some time after death, due to relaxation of the sphincter.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016

       You are funny. The situation though, is not. If only we could build a cage, put him it, and keep him there for all of eternity. I have pity for the man, and I have much fear for this once great land.
blissmiss, Sep 26 2016

       Funny peculiar or funny ha ha? (Preferably both.)   

       Everybody here in the mother-country is aghast at Trump's popularity. Even if he doesn't get elected, his current popularity speaks volumes - and not good volumes. If he *does* get elected (and my guess is that he will), the US is going to be getting some very, very stern looks. In fact, I believe that COBRA has had several meetings recently, specifically to examine the readiness of our Stern Look policy.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016

       //those// sp.: "them there"
whatrock, Sep 26 2016

       Oops. Sp. fixed.   

       // Everybody here in the mother-country is aghast at Trump's popularity. //   

       No, they aren't. You actually prefer a woman who would stand by Bonking Bill out of blatant ambition ? Or is it a case of "none of the above" ?
8th of 7, Sep 26 2016

       One thing I've never understood - given the typical age of deceased people - is why there isn't a Stairlift to Heaven.   

       //You actually prefer a woman who would stand by Bonking Bill// The choice between Trump and Clinton is, to paraphrase Alan Bennett, a bit like asking a man dying of thirst in the desert whether he'd prefer Castrol or Pennzoil.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016

       "The lesser of two weevils", as the old Nautical joke goes ...   

       // why there isn't a Stairlift to Heaven. //   

       According to most Christian doctrines, after death the soul, being immortal (or possibly immorral) and a non-physical entity, takes the "optimum" form of the deceased as they would have been at their physical peak - which in the case of some people seems a bit harsh.
8th of 7, Sep 26 2016

       It does make you wonder why the handicapped were so discriminated against during the design of Jacob's Ladder.   

       Since we know that the soul weighs only about 21 grams, give or take one's accumulation of sins, surely more enjoyable means than a stairlift could be devised? How many souls could climb aboard a North Korean 'satellite' rocket I wonder? Packing space surely isn't a problem, and weight seems to be conquerable, even for them.   

       Or maybe a Hullaballoon Ride to Heaven would fit the bill.   

       I wonder which Trump grandson will be the last one to sound? And does that mean he'll be first in the notorious first/last reshuffling?
RayfordSteele, Sep 26 2016

       // Everybody here in the mother-country is aghast at Trump's popularity. //   

       It's simple: he seems to be the only candidate NOT chosen by the oligarchs. This covers a multitude of sins. Americans are well and truly sick of having our president chosen for us behind the scenes in the form of manipulated primaries.   

       Don't get me wrong, I would vote for just about anyone before Trump. I'm just saying there's a lot of pent-up anger behind his campaign and a lot of it is justified.
Voice, Sep 27 2016

       Um, Jill Stein or Gary Johnson?
RayfordSteele, Sep 27 2016


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