Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Supersonic Penguins

Courageous birds launched at Mach 2 to intercept evil terrorist aircraft
  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2)
  [vote for,

The US anti-missile shield will guard against intercontinental ballistic missiles launched by evil rogue nations or terrorists, but does nothing to protect the world (well, just the US, really) against sneak attacks by evil terrorists using homebuilt jet aircraft. Even President Bush, whom as everyone knows is not the brightest glow-worm in the trash pile, realizes how easy it is to build nuclear warheads, missiles, and ballistic guidance systems from parts readily available in most mud huts and refugee camps. Well, supersonic jet aircraft are a logical fallback when the evil terrorists realize that their missiles are of no use. A Hillman Minx retrofitted with wings and powered by a pair of Pratt and Whitney turbojets would be easy to build, and could slide in under US radar and wreak havoc upon crucial strip malls and fast-food outlets in any coastal state.

Let us meet this threat with trained penguins! These hardy birds with their bullet-shaped bodies and muscular swept-back flipper-wings seem perfect for supersonic flight. They are superbly insulated against cold, can hold their breath for several minutes, and tolerate changes in pressure (as when diving deep in the sea) quite well. Like many birds they regurgitate food for their young; with a bit of conditioning they could hurl whole fish into the air intakes of evil jet aircraft. I envision penguins armed with .50-caliber mullets, SQUIDOes, and TROBBs as a vital link in our plan for defense of the world (well, just the US, really). And this plan may well have as much chance of succeeding as the current administration's missile defense program.

See link for my concept imagery and proposals for development.

Dog Ed, Jul 10 2001

Supersonic penguins http://frogshop.hyp...ofter/spoofter.html
;-) [Dog Ed, Jul 10 2001]

Supersonic penguins http://web.archive....ofter/spoofter.html
;-) [Dog Ed, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       I may be wrong but I seem to remember reading somewhere that penguins *can't fly*!
angel, Jul 10 2001

       If you read DogEd's proposals pointed to by his link you will see they will be projected into the air by a slingshot mechanism.
Aristotle, Jul 10 2001

       The slingshot covers launching, but not manoevring whilst in flight. Although the link mentions 'self-guided ballistic flight', this is an oxymoron - 'ballistic' implies no variance from initial trajectory. If the flight is, indeed, to be self-guided (because otherwise non-intelligent life forms such as pigeon-vomiting sheep could be used), some measure of control is needed, and the control surfaces of a penguin are simply not sufficiently large or orientable to function well in air.
A bold suggestion, nonetheless.
angel, Jul 10 2001

       Although Tim Burton did use penguins with jet-packs as an attack force in Batman Returns.
Guy Fox, Jul 10 2001

       Last weekend we visited Phillip Island (Victoria Australia) to see the fairy penguins. It was freezing as you can imagine being very close to the most southern tip of the country. There were stadiums constructed to see these little things come in from the ocean to feed their young. It was all good, but we were all shocked when we entered the cafeteria, to find that that they didn't serve any kind of penguin. Driving out there I imagined all manner of penguin delicacies, but no. . . we ate chips.   

       I did see however several conspicuous looking military persons and a rather large cannon-like object aimed at the middle east. . ..
benfrost, Jul 10 2001

       One of these days, I'm gonna add a web page to my site for my collection of great band names that I'm continually stumbling across - add another one to he list... Ladies and Gentlemen, The Supersonic Penguins! Good Night Chicago!
thedevilwiththegreeneyes, Jul 10 2001

       Although this seems a rather improbable proposal, billions of US dollars are thrown away--er, invested--on military projects that are perhaps only a teensy bit more practical. If one could go back and recoup the monies spent on aircraft and other weapons that never worked and now gather dust in permanent storage, one could certainly benefit a great number of AIDs victims. For instance. Or are my pinko liberal pantywaists showing?
Dog Ed, Jul 10 2001

       US navy did try to train sea lions and dolphins to perform various missions including a mouth-mounted compressed air injector for dolphins on guard duty(anti-swimmer)   

       this is true and rather pathetic, sad and blatantly not an actual operation since they were trained in the top secret military installation that is the middle of San-Fransico harbour
chud, Sep 16 2001

       Glad you didn't put this idea up when the Argentinians were occupying the Falklands. But I am imaging a penguin going in for the krill - with UNITED STATES OF AMERICA down the white bit.
snagger, Sep 21 2001

       Who could argue with this? I was just a little disappointed to see you mention .50 calibre mullets, and then check your drawings to see you meant the fish, not the hairstyle. Some of the wacky coiffs penguins have could inflict real damage, I think, although wouldn't all of this kill the penguins?
pottedstu, Sep 25 2001

       So we mount jet packs on the penguins and train them to use their flippers as air-brakes!
Crazy Bastard, Apr 25 2002

       But what is the penguin with the $10,000 jet-pack gets sucked int the jet its self not to mention the cost of training the bird. . .
cowseatgrass, Feb 27 2004

       Here's a bun JUST for the aergasm logo/patch. I'd give another one if I could.
MuddyBuddy, Feb 28 2004

       I tell you what. I happen to like penguins a little bit. how about using badgers with jet pack? Just try it and I tell you it will work...
Spider7, Apr 29 2004


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