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Tennis Grunt-O-Meter

Guh! Hwak!
  (+6, -5)
(+6, -5)
  [vote for,

Most professional tennis venues have a speed gun that measures the speed of the last serve and displays it to the crowd. I propose adding a decibel meter that measures how loud the tennis players' grunts are, and shows them on a display as well.

"Wow! 145 decibels, a new world record!"

DrWorm, Dec 13 2009

Gruntvertising Tennis_20Gruntvertising
[bungston, Dec 14 2009]


       [+] might I also suggest an "oof" component if the incoming velocity is greater than the outgoing.
FlyingToaster, Dec 13 2009

       I don't like anything that might encourage tennis players to make even more of the ridiculous sounds that they already appear to deem necessary.
kaz, Dec 13 2009

       I'm generally in favor of meaningful measurements, so to get a +, I'll need to know distance from the player at which the dB (SPL?) measurement is taken. Usual standard is 1 meter.
csea, Dec 14 2009

       or the ball could scream
FlyingToaster, Dec 14 2009

       I propose classical music being played in time with the audience turning their heads back and forth, following the plays. This could drown out the grunts and inspire the players. Grunting is so..........gross.
outloud, Dec 14 2009

       [outloud] - yes, a much better idea - a classical orchestra or perhaps a jazz quartet, improvising music to accompany the play, and of course, amplified sufficiently to drown out the grunting.
hippo, Dec 14 2009

       Ultimately, the score of the tennis match being played would become of lesser importance than the critics' assessment of the quality of music the players were able to produce.
hippo, Dec 14 2009

       A parabolic microphone aimed at the players could broadcast all grunts at a uniformly loud level. Tennis is about hitting the ball and running back and forth, not gruntation ability. Such a system would level the playing field as regards grunts.
bungston, Dec 14 2009

       [bungston], if leveling the grunting field is the idea, the solution is to use professional off-court grunters who can provide synchronized grunting services for silent players.
tatterdemalion, Dec 14 2009

       [outloud] Classical music + grunting = Glen Gould,no?
mouseposture, Dec 15 2009

       //[outloud] Classical music + grunting = Glen Gould,no? — mouseposture, Dec 14 2009//   

       Too much into Bach,no? Maybe Victor Borge, just for the fun of it.
outloud, Dec 15 2009

       As in eating slighty off cabbage, ,<Ian>?
outloud, Dec 15 2009


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