Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Assette

No longer a source of embarrasement and stink.
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Little Jimmy was tired of holding it in. His breakfast was a brim-filled bowl of beans, his dinner a can of chile. Needless to say, his abdomen screamed to release the presure.

Jimmy, with a skewed expression across his face, let loose a terrible expulsion of air and methane. With a sigh, he relaxed into his chair, as students in his vicinity plugged their noses, and fainted, in disgust. Sadly, Jimmy's girlfriend, Julia, was within the croud of gaping students, and Jimmy lost much ground in his relationship with her.


Ever wonder how to put that ass-air to good use ? Use the Assette !

A complex network of tubes are inserted into the aforemented gas-producer, effectively redirecting the cheese to an air canister elsewhere on the body (e.g. strapped to a leg, worn on backpack, ect.). The stored gas would then be put to use by chanelling it through a series of panpipes near the left leg (or lower back if left leg is unusable).

A small wristworn device keeps track of the expulsions, and when one is detected, begins a pre-programmed play of the pipes.

The upshot of this complicated system is a fart-powered musical system wired to your ass. Every time you let loose, the wristworn device allows you to select from multiple downloadable monophonic tunes.


This time Jimmy was prepared. With his Assette device reved up and ready, Jimmy let loose a cloud of gas. Strangely though, the class smiled instead of scoffed, as drifting over the air was not sulphur, but a simplified rendition of a classical Sonatina.

His gas expended, Jimmy's grin was met with many others, their good time temporarily overriding their sense of smell.

Raithah, Nov 23 2006

Gilles Barbier: L'orgue à pets (1996) http://www.document...bier/repro2-10.html
[jutta, Dec 24 2006]


       "SCHOOLS OUT FOR EVER ....SCHOOLS OUT... Give it a bun, or the chap will continue, I would venture to guess.   


       (Oops, remember the last time I called a grade school child a "bad name"? )
blissmiss, Nov 25 2006


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