Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Ghoul with the Dagon tattoo

Stieg Larsen meets H. P. Lovecraft ...
  [vote for,

Set in unfashionable Norway rather than fashionable Sweden, the film tells the story of a crusading marine agri-industrialist who falls foul of an evil media baron. To help him clear his name, he enlists the assistance of a young female IT expert, who has had a somewhat difficult life as she has already killed and eaten most of her immediate family (all of whom were followers of the Cult of Cthulhu) many of her neighbours, and quite a few mere passers-by, tending to look on other people as little more than a mobile food source. She herself is in fact an acolyte of the piscine Elder God, Dagon, and has a number of tattoos depicting her deity.

Alternately aided and hindered by his somewhat unconventional assistant - who, when peckish, tends to bypass McDonalds in favour of the nearest graveyard - the hero eventually discovers the horrible truth about his adversary; at the start of his quest, he assumes that the media mogul is a mortal human, but he progressively discovers more and more incontrovertible and terrifying evidence that this is not so, and that what he is up against is a malevolent power of pure evil walking the earth in human shape, possibly even one of the Great Old Ones in person.

In the denouement, he is held prisoner is a cellar by his adversary, who finally lets slip the terrible truth, worse than even an Entity from Beyond the Outer darkness - he's Australian. The hero is saved from the usual terrible fate inflicted by the monster on his opponents (A reasonable opening pairing on a fast, bumpy wicket but soon leading to a rapid middle-order collapse and all out for less than a hundred before tea) by the timely intervention of his assistant, who runs into the room, screams, and runs out again, tripping and falling photogenically in the best Dr Who tradition. When the beast leaps at her, she snaps his neck like a twig, tears his abdomen open and eats his liver (but with a side order of blood and kidneys, fava beans and a nice Chianti not being her thing at all).

The hero then decides to get out of fish farming altogether, and start a new career as an alpine mountain guide under an assumed name, so he can stay as far away from the sea as possible. His assistant, having hacked the monster's electronic accounts, transfers all his billions to her own name, and re-locates to Japan where as a hobby she starts raising "Kobe" Americans (kept indoors constantly, and systematically overfed until they become immensely fat - not as difficult as you might think... ), subsequently opening an immensely successful chain of bizarre restaurants under the name of "Yo ! Human !"

8th of 7, Apr 28 2012

Captain Birds Eye http://thesupplante...gp7naxcbh4jxtx_.jpg
..weird name when you think about it.. [not_morrison_rm, Apr 29 2012]

A colder war... http://www.infinity...ories/colderwar.htm
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 30 2012]



       something to do with bad fish and tasers.
FlyingToaster, Apr 28 2012

       Would you prefer bad taste and phasers? We can do that, too.
8th of 7, Apr 28 2012

       I just get the feeling that while the femme fatale is svelte (as all Nordic carnivorous assistants should be), her being an "IT expert" would imply a diet of readily available web developers... the nightstalking equivalent of salt'n'vinegar potato chips.
FlyingToaster, Apr 28 2012

       If you really want to encourage humans to eat each other, perhaps you should start out in a more ethical way. Yes, there actually is one. See, there is significant (and starting to succeed) research ongoing, regarding growing meat in the lab. JUST meat, muscle tissue cells, no bones or other organs.   

       Naturally most people will think about obtaining nice big beefsteaks this way. But you could just as easily grow fish flesh, and/or pork, and/or lamb, and/or deer, and/or chicken, ..., and/or human.
Vernon, Apr 28 2012

       Hopefully this author will have the common decency to suffer a Borg equivalent of a myocardial infarction after the third installment.
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       // Borg equivalent of a myocardial infarction //   

       What, Windows 8 ? That's pretty harsh…
8th of 7, Apr 28 2012

       Windows 8 is SADS-equivalent, as far as I'm aware. No rhyme nor reason, just death. No, just a small blip in LUB XOR DUB, is all that requires a triple bypass, bypass the bad fiction.
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       It is somewhat of a pity that Stieg died before he could pen "The girl who couldn't lace up her doc martin knee high's because the laces always break halfway down".
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       There's a restaurant in one of my villages that does vegetarian dishes and hosts a transsexual cabaret. It's called The Grill With The Drag And Ratatouille.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 28 2012

       That can't be far away from my local. It's being dismantled piece by piece by a catastrophic termite infestation. Run by a lady seriously afflicted with Sydenham's Chorea. "The Girl who Kicked, the horn Ant's Nest".
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       The Girl You Flayed With Wire.
UnaBubba, Apr 28 2012

       I'm a frayed knot.
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       Oh, you're talking of Natalie Portman in "Black Swan". "The Girl who plies with wire."
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       The Girl You Tried to Squire?
UnaBubba, Apr 28 2012

       Ah, I see where we are getting mixed up. You're thinking of Mary Chappell, coincidentally from White Chapel. "The Girl that's clocked the whore that's next."
4whom, Apr 28 2012

       <having lured them all into the spotlight on stage, prepares to pull lever, releasing trapdoor>
8th of 7, Apr 28 2012

       <having lured them all into the spotlight on stage, prepares to pull lever, releasing trapdoor> Oh well, it's just a stage they are going through...   

       >hero then decides to get out of fish farming so that's why Captain Bird's Eye keeps such a low profile these days...   

       Strangely the Brain's Faggots office (factory?) used to be across the road from the morgue in Bristol...but I'm sure there is absolutely no connection...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 29 2012

       An interesting plot, 8th, but mere childs play compared to the mind-numbing horror of the story about the woman who goes everywhere accompanied by a cohort of bagpipe playing Scots Guardsmen...The Girl with the Edinburgh Tattoo.
DrBob, Apr 29 2012

       Bravo, [DrBob]!
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 29 2012

       I always thought of it as "The Girl with the Poorly Thought-Out Agenda", adding insult to injury to genuine nerds everywhere.
pertinax, Apr 29 2012

       [+] for [DrBob]'s anno.
UnaBubba, Apr 29 2012

       Wasn't it Clarence Birdseye, snap-freezer of fresh vegetables?
UnaBubba, Apr 29 2012

       Hmm, thinking this it reminds me of "A colder war" see link and I can't remember right now. It's me age y'now...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 30 2012

       Aha, The "Bob Howard — Laundry" series - Charles Stross..I remember..
not_morrison_rm, May 01 2012

       [+] there's not nearly enough Ogdru-J'had in modern cinema.   

       Cthulu for President!
Alterother, May 01 2012

       //Cthulu for President!   

       Like Romney, but with more tentacles?   

       Saying, that Clinton did seem to have wandering tentacle issue, so probably best vote for the tentacle-lite candidate.
not_morrison_rm, May 03 2012

       Touched by his noodly appendage.
UnaBubba, May 03 2012


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