Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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The LORD will be with you.

  (+8, -5)
(+8, -5)
  [vote for,

I overheard a man on a cell phone call exclaim "Jesus Christ What type of shit is that!"

I assumed that he was not in fact on the phone with Jesus, However it did seem as though he expected Jesus to show up and have an explanation for whatever the nature of the situation was, and it seemed based on the mans tone that he would not be too pleased with Jesus if he showed up Sounded like the almighty had something to answer for.

I thought how nice it would be to have an actual Jesus a Jesus Christ proctor if you will, to follow me around and provide immediate answers and explanations in all of those moments when I call on him.

So this is a Jesus rental service for people that find themselves calling on him frequently when they are having trouble dealing with reality.

As a Jesus renter you pay money and a person named Jesus pals around with you and is there to help make things roll more smoothly.

As a customer you would pay extra for period Jesus wardrobe, or you could save money and just have the street clothes Jesus on your side.

Each Jesus would have to prove via birth certificate that their first or middle name was Jesus, only this would make them official.

I also see room for the Jesus rental service to kick back a portion of proceeds to important charities.

vfrackis, Jul 26 2010

Your Own Personal Jesus Your_20Own_20Personal_20Jesus
[xaviergisz, Jul 26 2010]

Westwind http://books.google...%20westwind&f=false
For [Tulaine] [mouseposture, Jul 29 2010]


       half a bun... a wafer if you will.
FlyingToaster, Jul 26 2010

       Your own, personal Jesus? Someone to hear your prayers? Someone who cares?   

       I could reach out and touch faith.
Cedar Park, Jul 26 2010

normzone, Jul 26 2010

       We all have our whimsical service based ideas. Mine are catalogued for no one's pleasure, and now this will be added to the pile.   

       Anything can be turned halfbakededly into a service: A personal Mary Magdalene wipes your face in the morning, a personal Judas lies to you constantly, a personal ..... pfft. You get it. Not to discredit the idea but [].
daseva, Jul 26 2010

       Wouldn't it be nice if, for the low low cost of $29.95 you too could have your own personal connection to the devine,
BUT WAIT, there's more!
You also receive this commemorative plaque entiteling you to belittling, scorn and un-ending tests of character for absolutely no aditional charge,
and if you act RIGHT NOW, we will also include a free pair of holy socks.

       {prices subject to change without notice, all sales final}   

       ...and then Jesus said "I am sorry - I would love to carry on talking to you like this, but senor, I have to carry on cutting your grass".
coprocephalous, Jul 26 2010

       Gordon Bennet Inc.
zen_tom, Jul 26 2010

       Beats having Death following you around.
ldischler, Jul 26 2010

       or that bloody albatross.
FlyingToaster, Jul 26 2010

       //BODOM, BODOM, BODOM, BODOM....//
gnomethang, Jul 26 2010

       Personal Jesus is an alarm clock this is Jesus = Copilot Actual.   

       Its a good thing i did not include a Muslim version of this concept I might have Jihadists after me.   

       also this is not a "whimsical" service idea this is serious, you pay money to have Jesus on your crew that's special.
vfrackis, Jul 26 2010

       any time now.... wait for it ......wait for it.......
WcW, Jul 27 2010

       So, at least in this instance, LORD might be an acronym for Liaison Of Religious Doctrine. This might bring additional credence to the assertion so often seen, "Jesus is LORD".
jurist, Jul 27 2010

       //wait for it.......//   

       {checks watch}   


pertinax, Jul 27 2010

       Baked, surely. Apart from the physical manifestation part. Untold millions of 'Christians' would have us believe that Jesus (by one name or another) is constantly _with_ each of us, ready to hear whatever we have to say and provide the answer we need. Pity it's all so virtual though, and all so dependent upon imagination.
Tulaine, Jul 28 2010

       //Its a good thing i did not include a Muslim version of this concept I might have Jihadists after me. //   

       Woops. Too late.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 28 2010

       (pardon my nerdiness) a bun simply for the lolz   

       //is constantly _with_ each of us//   

       thats totally not weird in any way shape or form
xxobot, Jul 30 2010

       Oh. I would hope for Traci Lords.
normzone, May 23 2015

       But isn't she old and all wrinkles now?
vfrackis, Jun 01 2015


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