Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Never Lose Paperweight

For the executive that has everything but can't seem to hold on to it
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(+6, -4)
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Bob the Executive sat slumped at his desk with his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably. His usually well-coifed Dapper Dan comb-over was all amussed and his papers were strewn about the desk willy-nilly. Shelly, his receptionist/ administrator stuck her head around the doorway.
“Boss, are you okay? I thought a heard whimpering.”
“Shelly, oh Shelly, I’ve lost yet another paperweight! O woe! What am I going to do? This is the third one this week and my papers are a mess!” he cried, gesturing to the toppling towers of loose leaf.

“Well, I was going to wait but, here, I got this for you,” she replied, handing over a box with a big bow tied to the top. “Merry Christmas!”
“But…but it’s only May,” he barely had time to say while he tore the wrapping to shreds revealing the present. “It’s sheer beauty,” he said gazing at the object of what could only be described as sheer beauty.
“It’s the Never Lose Paperweight- a GPS-enabled paper holder-downer. It has a GPS sensor* built right into the ‘nature sculptured’ stone. It comes with an AC plug, battery back up, and with the additional solar panel you can be sure it will always have power. The brochure also said that they use a recently declassified military robust aerial antenna that can pick up a signal from within the deepest, darkest office known to man. It also comes with a RFID tag and built in scanner so it can tell itself when, where, and how it was made. Now you’ll be able to find it no matter where you lose it.”

Looking past Shelly’s head, almost unable to control his emotions Bob said in a gruff voice, “I hope you don’t think that you’re going to get a raise for this.”
“No, of course not. I did this because I care for you, Bob.”
“Right. Well then…(sniff) let’s get back to work then.”
A few minutes later Bob’s voice came over the intercom at Shelly’s desk. “Shelly, I taken care of the increase in your pay that we…um… talked about earlier. And why don’t you take the rest of the day off as well?”
“Thanks boss!” she replied to the intercom. “And thank you, NTSS Co.!” she muttered under her breath.

For picture, see link.

*Accurate +/- 1000 meters
*Also comes with Bluetooth and wi-fi for no apparent reason.

NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 26 2006

A "mad scientist comes up with genius idea in a bar and draws rudimentary plans on back of napkin" artistic style rendering of idea http://www.devianta...deviation/33496737/
[NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 26 2006, last modified May 27 2006]


       [tcarson], I think [NTSS] realises this, read the penultimate line.
neilp, May 26 2006

       Let's not get out of control here, [BrauBeaton]. I don't want to set my dreams so high that I just get disappointed. It is my density to be now and forevermore...
NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 26 2006

       It needs to have an RFID tag made from carbon nanotubes pooped out by recombinant-DNA cows.
HaltAndCatchFire, May 27 2006

       Nice illustration, I didn't get from the text quite how overcomplicated this thing actually is. Maybe it needs wi-fi.
wagster, May 27 2006

       It could just be a radio controlled rock, when you press a button it makes a noise and vibrates.
Germanicus, May 27 2006

       But what about when Bob the Accountant down on the third floor takes it? Or when Bob down in human resources 'borrows' it without asking? What then? This will allow you to track it down to whatever evil lair your precious paperweight has ended up in.*   

       +/- 1000 meters
NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 27 2006

       I always find the easiest way to hold onto things is to super glue them to a hubcap. I haven't lost my tv remote yet!
fridge duck, May 27 2006

       I take exception with your use of the word "artistic" in your link. I clicked on that thing and let me tell you, that drawing is not artistic. Informative? Yes. Effective? Certainly. Original? Absolutely. But artistic?   

       Here are some words that I think come closer to the truth: Amateurish, basic, cursory, rudimentary (I could go on, but why?)   

       Oh, yeah. I almost forgot your bun. And maybe you should put it in your desk drawer so Bob doesn't see it.
Canuck, May 27 2006

       [Canook], first- thank you for the bun.   

       Second- So you're saying you don't like my drawing? I was trying to go for the "mad scientist comes up with genius idea in a bar and draws rudimentary plans on back of napkin" style. Perhaps I was too good. I shall change the link name to better reflect that school of art for those that are ignorant to the style.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 27 2006

       By the way, I forgot to actually bun the idea. Here it is.
Germanicus, May 27 2006

       I never said I didn't like the drawing. As drawings go, it's very satisfactory. All I meant was, in my opinion, it was not *artistic* and therefore did not deserve that kind of reference, so I thank you for altering the title.   

       BTW, I really did "get" that the drawing was supposed to look that way. But in my mind, I had mentally inserted faint blue lines across the page with 3 evenly-spaced ripped holes along one side as if a piece of looseleaf paper had been eagerly torn from a binder, rather than the napkin theory.
Canuck, May 28 2006

       Sorry [NTSS], I have not read your idea and I have not read any of the annotations above. However, I did check the link somewhat modestly titled "A "mad scientist comes up with genius idea in a bar and draws rudimentary plans on back of napkin" artistic style rendering of idea" and I must tell you it is very artistic. You should get it to a gallery because it is very good.
methinksnot, May 28 2006

       I'm so confused. Should I have a gallery show or not? What will people think? Will my idea make millions? Will the guy who did the drawing be mad for taking all the credit or will he be happy that I protected him? Must think, hurts my head.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 28 2006

       Did you show the drawing to Bob?
Canuck, May 29 2006

       Poor Bob. If his new paper-weight should go AWOL, then he has no way to find it. The paper-weight, on the other hand, knows exactly where it is +/- 1000m.   

       Did Bob forget to retrieve the magic locator in the box?   

       Perhaps the weight should be really really heavy; made from some high density material. Gold for example. Then it would surely not go missing?
Ling, May 29 2006


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