Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Orreracle of Halfbakers

Know Thy Elf
  (+8, -5)
(+8, -5)
  [vote for,

Carved into a cave, at the zenith of a mountain stands The Orreracle of Halfbakers: A gargantuan clockwork representation of the solar system. Each planet is a hemisphere, delicately hewn from stone, which contains a Halfbaker whose wisdom and council may be beseeched. Anyone seeking wisdom may enter the Orreracle, and pass through each orbit receiving knowledge from each Halfbaker, in kind.

First, the knowledge thirsty adventurer will enter Pluto’s orbit. Here, he will pose his quandary to [2 fries shy of a happy meal] who, like Pluto, is small, skewed and farthest from illumination.

Next, our wisdom seeker will enter the orbit of Neptune, and beseech [21 Quest], the vengeful lord of fish, for his guidance.

After Neptune, our intrepid traveler will enter into the orbit of Uranus. There, [zen_tom], whose circular logic runs orthogonal to the norm, will provide if not insight, a least an utterly different point of view.

Next is the jewel of our solar system: Saturn. And just as Saturn sits, resplendent at the center of its rings, so [MaxwellBuchanan] sits, in the center of his enviable possessions, bestowing his Marie Antoinette-like wisdom on those who would ask.

Then it’s on to Jupiter, where our humble voyager will ask council from [8th of 7], who is also bloated and comprised entirely of hot gas.

Now the young pupil must navigate his way through the broken shards of what once was the great [UnaBubba], to make his way to the orbit of Mars.

Once there, [DrBob] whose ancient visage has been marred with time and tinged with oxidation, will illuminate the traveler with rant-like wisdom, trailing off into a well-rehearsed and half-hearted general disapproval for today’s youth.

After Mars, our seeker of truth will beseech [BenFrost] for wisdom. Like our mother Earth, so to is [BenFrost]. For the exteriors of both are covered in fluids and crawling with parasites.

Next, upon entering the orbit of Venus, [blissmiss]: The goddess of love and beauty will burry the traveler under a barrage of cheer and trite clichés. What wholesomeness and general well-being has been created within the heart of our intrepid traveler however will be lost, once he has entered the orbit of Mercury.

Here, [Daseva]’s swift wit and mercurial nature will disorientate the pioneer as he receives [Daseva]’s nihilistic advice.

If our, now thoroughly humbled, voyager has yet to gain the wisdom he has sought; He may approach the great Sol. [jutta] will grant his quandary a response and his ignorance will be illuminated, for her opinion, (however incongruent with reality), shines true and unquestioned in the universe of the Halfbakery.

As the entire ordeal would be most unsettling, the traveler may ask the Halfbakers to repeat their advice again, on the way out … however, to do so would be purely masochistic.

MikeD, Apr 07 2010

Planets_20_26_20Asteroids [FlyingToaster, Apr 07 2010]

The Sleepwalkers https://archive.org...ChangingVisionOfThe
[pertinax, Sep 27 2015]

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       Uh, it's an Orerry... So... I like that.  Don't tell Jutta, but, some day I may attempt to launch all the Orrery ideas at once with 'Launch' annos to create a Halfbakery Orrery of Orrery ideas in Recent.   

       MikeD, very nicely thought out.  Can we have a little twinke star for po in there somewhere?
Mustardface, Apr 07 2010

       Aries alpha, maybe? She was going to be Earth until the BenFrost comparision struck me.
MikeD, Apr 07 2010

       [-] <harrumph> and <link>
FlyingToaster, Apr 07 2010

       I remember Ornerorrery. I voted for it. Not the same as this one. What?   

       MikeD, but, then, with Jutta only the Sun, who is God?
Mustardface, Apr 07 2010

       hmmm, must be time to titan the old Kuiper belt again.   

       <Obligatory 2001 quote>   

       "My God ! He's full of ... hot gas !"   

8th of 7, Apr 07 2010

       I don't think I've ever made it into a Pantheon before - I quite like it, orthagonal or no, we just need to work on the name of my orbit - as for circular logic - consider a line of logic, carving out a straight and true path on the ground - now zoom out, and as you go higher, the line starts to curve, zoom further still until you are in orbit and the line becomes circular - it's only a matter of scale.   

       Otherwise, I think I quite like the dark-roast humour on this - the idea of anyone coming here for wisdom and being "touched" by the experience in a potentially unwelcome way is a fun one.
zen_tom, Apr 07 2010

       I'm deeply insulted by this, MikeD. "trailing off into a well-rehearsed and half-hearted general disapproval for today’s youth"? How dare you, sir! I hate them with a passion! And probably their parents as well. And any texting that they might do. And some other stuff that I can''t remember just for the moment...has anyone seen my slippers?
DrBob, Apr 07 2010

       <Tucks tartan blanket around [DrBob]'s knees>   

       "Your slippers are on your feet, dear. Look, there, at the end of your legs ... your Legs ... YOUR LEGS ... yes, those things ... yes, they're yours... here, a nice cup of tea ... CUP OF TEA ... "   

       It's so sad when they end up like that.
8th of 7, Apr 07 2010

       Acolyte moons?
pocmloc, Apr 07 2010

       Is that some sort of College Fraternity initiation ritual ?
8th of 7, Apr 07 2010

       //who is God?//   

       Chuck Norris, obviously.   

       //This idea promotes me to Lordship//   

       You'd better watch out [21Quest], me thinks [FT] is vying for your throne!
MikeD, Apr 07 2010

       ...sigh. Not even a moon. I'm gonna cry...
RayfordSteele, Apr 07 2010

       //BenFrost comparision struck me// what's that again?
po, Apr 07 2010

       Well, [Rayford], I suppose the rest of us are either brilliant comets with eccentric orbits, or just dim Kuyper Belt objects. Perhaps it's better for us not to know which.
pertinax, Apr 07 2010

       [po], I think BenFrost's "comparision" is the name of an installation piece from which the artist might leap out unexpectedly and slap the viewer with a wet fish.
pertinax, Apr 07 2010

       oh excellent.
po, Apr 08 2010

       er... comparison.   

       I guess *I'm the dim object.
MikeD, Apr 08 2010

       Brown Dwarf. 'nuff said ...
8th of 7, Apr 08 2010

       We won't mention the few black holes...
RayfordSteele, Apr 08 2010

       Ewww... there's some dark matter there...
RayfordSteele, Apr 08 2010

       //I guess *I'm the dim object.//   

       Not at all. Congratulations on appealing to the narcissist in all of us. :)
pertinax, Apr 10 2010

       [Pertinax], thanks. I was a little worried that the subjects of the idea might not take the comparisons as light hearted as they were meant to be, but the annotations have proved otherwise. And I am releived. I guess I have been around here long enough to half-pull this off.   

       //either brilliant comets with eccentric orbits, or just dim Kuyper Belt objects.//   

       Deep down inside, they know which category best fits.
MikeD, Apr 10 2010

       Ignorance is bliss. And bliss is ignorant, mostly. What goes over my head usually doesn't upset me a bit. And most things do. But honored for inclusion with the infamous BenFrost, the world famous arteest.
blissmiss, Apr 10 2010

       I'm just staying quiet, lest I reveal... aw dammit. Too late.
Jinbish, Apr 10 2010

       I've been reading Koestler's "The Sleepwalkers", which documents a lot of beautifully half-baked thinking from the past, and I now think it might make more sense to map half-bakers to astronomers than to ... astronomees.   

       In the style of a trailer for a blockbuster, then,
Tycho Brahe IS [MaxwellBuchanan]
Nicolas Copernicus IS [nineteenthly]
Galileo has the honour of playing [21 Quest]
and Kepler ... a chippy, self-deprecating obsessive, with a love-hate working relationship with Brahe. Hmm ...
pertinax, Sep 22 2015

       I am flattered. Do I get to wear the brass nose?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 22 2015

       I thought it was silver - but yes.   

       Other perquisites include an entire, dedicated mad-science island off Copenhagen, a dwarf jester and the job title "Imperial Mathematicus". I must admit to a bit of envy for the job title.
pertinax, Sep 26 2015

       //an entire, dedicated mad-science island off Copenhagen,//
// a dwarf jester//
Got two.
// and the job title "Imperial Mathematicus". //
What's a "job title"?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2015

       I'm happy to be totally extraterrestrial to this domestic arrangement.
xenzag, Sep 26 2015

       I'll be the person, under this eddifice to knowledge, trying to work his camera in panoramic mode.
wjt, Sep 27 2015

       "You're gonna need a bigger lens."
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 27 2015

       Probably not bigger, just with exceptional curves and clever interpolation finesse.
wjt, Sep 30 2015


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