Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Socializer

Sharp spikes facing the inside of the wearer's cheeks encourage a pleasant smile at all times.
  [vote for,

The device would clip onto the user's upper teeth like those clear braces. On the sides would be two spikes aimed outward and upward facing the upper inside of the cheeks where the smile muscles are located.

These would work by encouraging the person to smile since while smiling, the interior of the mouth is pulled up and away from the spikes. If the Gloomy Gus or Debby Downer forgets to turn that frown upside down, the upper interior of the cheeks would lower onto the spikes causing pain and therefore encouraging a pleasant, happy smile at all times.

A must for salesmen, new job applicants or any guy forced to go to weddings, class re-unions or other horrible events that require a phony smile at all times.

A lower tech version of my first idea which was to have muscle stimulating electric shocks provided via electrodes attached to the person's smile muscles. Although that would have the advantage of being able to be activated via remote control. "Honey, have you met Thelma from my high school glee club?" (click)

doctorremulac3, May 03 2012

"Let her go, Let her go man. Let her go..." http://www.youtube....watch?v=SGzSNeq79U0
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 04 2012]

Plastic surgery for kids http://www.youtube....watch?v=_m-sCr1hWRM
[oscil8, Jun 02 2012]

Even lower-tech version. http://img.moonbugg.../the-smile-machine/
[Phrontistery, Jun 02 2012]


       Painful, pointless (apart from the two spikes), humiliating, potentially dangerous.   

8th of 7, May 03 2012

       //Painful, pointless, humiliating, potentially dangerous.//   

       Like most weddings I've been forced to attend.
doctorremulac3, May 03 2012

       "most" ?   

       You mean there was one that wasn't ?
8th of 7, May 03 2012

       I'm gonna leave my own wedding off the list for strategic purposes.
doctorremulac3, May 03 2012

       I kept reading this as The Sodomizer, which would probably be preferable, on balance.
UnaBubba, May 04 2012

       Different number of spikes I think.
AusCan531, May 04 2012

       The device would have as many pain inflicting spikes as necessary to insure a broad smile at all times.
doctorremulac3, May 04 2012

       I need motivation to wear this device. Like a whole lot of money maybe?
blissmiss, May 04 2012

       I thought this was going to be an elimination reality show based on Klout scores - "Jim........you are The Socializer!!!"
oscil8, May 05 2012

       A radical socialist republic would probably jump on this idea. If you condition everyone to look happy, everyone will be happy, right?   

       They'd make me wear one for sure. Apparently, the natural set of my face (my 'screen-saver') looks like I'm scowling. Every once in a while somebody asks me what's wrong, and I have to explain that nothing is wrong, I'm simply not doing anything with my face at the moment.
Alterother, Jun 02 2012

       I've got the exact same problem. My wife tells me I "intimidate people" by not smiling enough. What, I'm supposed to go around smiling like the village idiot all the time?   

       Besides, when I try to force a smile it just makes me look sinister so why stress about it? My job is to pay the bills and take care of the family, not to walk around smiling like a clown 24/7.
doctorremulac3, Jun 02 2012

       Your wife, forgive me in advance, sounds like a realtor.
Phrontistery, Jun 02 2012

       My wife finds it funny that I sometimes intimidate people. She says it's because I'm taller than most folks, I don't blink very often, and I habitually look everyone in the eye. I guess that makes me seem predatory or dangerous. Jenny, however, knows that I'm harmless unless provoked, and it takes a lot to provoke me. She's always been amused by the occasional person that takes a nervous step back when my head swings around to regard them like, as she once put it, "a velociraptor considering lunch." I honestly don't mean to do it; maybe if I smiled all the time it wouldn't happen.
Alterother, Jun 02 2012


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