Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The "I Bet You Wish This Was A" Restaurant

Your Average Restaurant....Or Is It?
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(+9, -6)
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The seemingly innocuous and unobtrusive restaurant that is in fact a site of horrible torture and general mean-spiritedness.

As you enter, you see pictures on the walls of food of all descriptions. Cajun food, italian food, chinese food and almost any other type of food that you could imagine is sold here. (Oddly enough, no french food though).

You wait in line until the people in front of you have been taken to their tables. You notice that one of them is very thin and is being assisted by his two large friends who are well attired in black suits.

After a little while a cheerful, polite, and ever so slightly over-fed waiter arrives to take you to your booth. He leads you through a door into a small room with a glass door dominated by the small table and chairs, as well as the numberous images of food on the walls. Isn't this a good idea? I mean, who really wants to have other people staring at you while you eat? You read your menu and make your selection. You are assured that your food will arrive shortly.

As you wait, you notice that you can't hear any other people in the other booths. What a bonus! It's always annoying to hear other people arguing and yelling when you are trying to enjoy your meal. But if you listen carefully, you can hear something sizzling. Apparently you can hear the kitchen through the air vents. Sounds like something good is being cooked up. That hypothesis is made certain a moment later when a delicious scent starts wafting through to you. You can't ascertain exactly what it is, but it smells better than any food has right to smell.

After what seems like an eternity your waiter returns. By now you are ravenous and your heart is leaping, only to come crashing down when you are told that your food is still coming, but that you must be patient. You try to settle down to wait but, owing to all the images, sounds and smells of food, your stomach just won't let you.

It seems like forever until your waiter returns. Your shoulders slump when you see that he is not bringing anything. He informs you of an unfortunate delay and that you will get your food as soon as possible.

Alone with your food-senses not just tingling but jumping up and down, your will breaks. You can't stay in this room any longer. You turn the door handle and peer out into the corridor but can't see anyone. Next to the room you just fled from there is another room similar to yours, this one with an intricate looking lock. Inside is the emaciated man from by the entrance. He looks as though he is screaming, but you can't hear anything. There is an entire row of such rooms. As you back away from the room, you almost collide with your waiter. As you mumble feeble apologies, you can almost see the ghost of a smile on his face. You edge towards the exit until your frayed nerves snap entirely, and you turn and run out into the night.

The "I Bet You Wish This Was A" Restaurant is kept open by donations from shadowy government organisations and the fact that its employees work for very low wages, and mostly for entertainment value.

hidden truths, Sep 19 2005

The Fall of the House of Usher http://www.poedecoder.com/essays/usher/
I haven't read it yet, but it looks great. [zen_tom, Sep 19 2005, last modified May 04 2007]

The Curse of the WereRabbit. http://www.wandg.co...ge/trailerpage.html
I can hardly wait! [gnomethang, Sep 21 2005]


       Strikes at the heart of basic business relationships, as I suppose most charitable organizations wish they could.
reensure, Sep 19 2005

       I would have coerced the customers to wear oversized super-glue filled boxing gloves, or installed fake doorhandles, so that once in, they are never able to leave...
zen_tom, Sep 19 2005

       [zen_tom]: The Steakhouse of Usher?
Almafeta, Sep 19 2005

       I can see how super-glue filled boxing gloves reminded you of "The Fall of the House of Usher," [Alma].   

       Why do I like this idea? Am I really that sadistic?
Machiavelli, Sep 19 2005

       No, I'd never heard of The House of Usher before today - the boxing gloves were just kind of non-door-openy, hard-to-pick-up-spoony things to make you rely on the waiter being nice to you...
zen_tom, Sep 19 2005

       The International House of Ushercakes?
RayfordSteele, Sep 19 2005

       I swear I've been to this restaurant. Except they don't actually let you in, just tell you that you're next and there should be about a 20 minute wait. An hour and a half later, at your 10th request for an update, they tell you that you're next and there should be about a 20 minute wait...
Worldgineer, Sep 19 2005

       I think they have already developed this one...it's called "Dennys".
Blisterbob, Sep 20 2005

       I'd like it more if it had bullet points.
oniony, Sep 21 2005

       Or bullet holes. That would be so cool.
Machiavelli, Sep 21 2005

       Um, yes of course, Bubba. Whatever else could I possibly have meant? By the way, I didn't know you were back (yay!).
Machiavelli, Sep 21 2005

       Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit...
Machiavelli, Sep 21 2005

       //The Were-Rabbit // is coming to a cinema near you, SOON!.
gnomethang, Sep 21 2005

       I know and can't wait! I love Wallace and Gromit.
Machiavelli, Sep 21 2005

       Heh, the big men in black suits reminded me of "Triplettes of Belleville" where they haul off fatigued racers. [+]
Night, May 04 2007


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