Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The first-date restaurant

A restaurant that only caters for people in the early stages of dating
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Taking your date to a restaurant that only caters for first dates has many obvious advantages – you won’t end up at a table next to a family with a screaming toddler or nosey five year old, for example. Nor will you have to suffer through badly-sung choruses of “happy birthday dear Gran”. But this restaurant goes far beyond a romantic mood with soft music and secluded tables.

To help your date go better:

Every table has been especially lit so that there is no unflattering harsh light that will show up those little wrinkles or bad skin.

Each table setting has a strategically placed mirror that can be used to check for spinach between the teeth.

Strong breath mints can be found just about everywhere – on your table, by the bar, in the bathroom – so that you’re always ready for a kiss.

You can request the ‘special’ menu with unobtrusive cue cards that will suggest interesting questions to ask.

And, if your date really isn’t going well:

Both the men and women’s bathrooms have an exit that leads to the street (and preferably a taxi stand). If you desperately need to escape the date, it’s as easy as saying “I’m off to powder my nose”.

If you don’t think this is a very classy move, you can simply give a secret signal to your waiter who will immediately appear at your table and proclaim that there’s an ‘emergency call’ for you at the bar, giving you the perfect excuse to cut the date short.

Then there’s the complementary glass of red wine that can be thrown at the offending date if he says something really inappropriate.

Flux, Oct 14 2005

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       Went to a restaurant not long ago and my "blind date" received a phone call and had to leave immediately.   

       Does this sort of thing go on?+
cromagnon, Oct 14 2005

       Uuumm, no, never...
Flux, Oct 14 2005

       Scenario: Waiter arrives with covered dish. The couple sipping wine at their corner table pauses their repartee as the waiter places the dish between them and lifts the cover to reveal -- a single cream cheese stuffed Medjool date.   

reensure, Oct 14 2005

       Cellphone jammers?
-----, Oct 16 2005

       Complimentary condoms in the mens room for when things unexpectedly go right.
wagster, Oct 16 2005

       Tar har! Great Idear. Plus de croissants.
Chickenbreadthe1st, Oct 16 2005

       Sounds great! I would add that the bar could become a 'second chance' area - for those that have been stood up or were left behind by a toilet-escapee. The hope is that the alcohol would eventually compensate for the quality of these 'seconds'.
LostBrit, Oct 16 2005

       Does the fact that I feel like taking people I don't like here, and leaving through the toilet exit just before the cheque arrives make me a bad person?
hidden truths, Oct 16 2005

       Did you tip out like a champion, or stiff the staff like a bitch?
reensure, Oct 16 2005

       I really like your addition, LostBrit.
contracts, Oct 17 2005

       I bun it.   

       But, is there -besides the regular menu and the wine list- a third menu with dates (not the kind from palmtrees)? (Only available for conoisseurs, opulent tippers and close friends of the maitre- D)   

       "Aah, the third list... (nudge-nudge, wink-wink) Certainly, sir"   

       "Eehhm, yes, garçon. I'll have the Saltimbocca for starters and the Pollo al Forno with lemon, a bottle of 1999 Valpolicella and the 1973 red-head from Bastogne. Thank you."
Ehrm, Oct 17 2005

       great idea, now please post 'divorce restaurant'. thankyou.
benfrost, Oct 17 2005

       The Second Chance bar is a must.   

       Divorce restaurant - now that could be interesting in a sadistic kind of way (if that's the place you take your wife/ husband to let them know you're getting a divorce).
Flux, Oct 17 2005

       I think they call that bar the 'Meat Market.'
RayfordSteele, Oct 17 2005

       To exit through the restroom would require a "checkout" with the staff, to pay the cheque, and to let the staff then discretely notify the person waiting that they are now "leftovers"... perhaps by draping them in a little white shawl as if to comfort them, and then quietly placing a card on the table for them to discover (with a personalized msg from the dumper)...   

       This restaurant would have to charge 3x-5x the usual prices, as it's very tough to stay afloat as a restaurant, and they wouldn't get much business except Fri/Sat. That may be good, as your date would know you're not cheap.   

       Oh, and there would be too many guys coming in solo to hang out at that bar. Forget that.
sophocles, Oct 18 2005

       One of the services they would have to provide is a disreet notification to the woman (or whoever isn't paying the bill) that the bill is just about to come out, so that she can go to the ladies room and not be involved. Then again, this may not be necessary. So many of the women I dated could smell the check coming and made themselves scarce.
noglider, Oct 18 2005

       Sophocles, I think the checkout is exactly what the restaurant needs.   

       But I don't see why dates are limited to Friday and Saturday. Weekdays are so much better because you can use the old "oh, gosh, look at the time - I've got to be up early for work tommorow" line.   

       Weeknights say: this is a date, but not something so serious that I have to miss out a good weekend with friends.
Flux, Oct 18 2005


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