Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Theatre sniper

Locate noisy movie patrons and silence them...forever
  (+8, -3)
(+8, -3)
  [vote for,

After spending $__.00 to park, get__tickets, and __handful[s] of refreshments wouldn't it have been nice to have sat down and watched________at the movie theatre without __individual[s] babbling all the way through?
You could have if there had been a sniper.
thumbwax, Sep 24 2000

(???) BBC News Story http://news6.thdo.b...d_774000/774352.stm
No matter how slowly you unwrap noisy snack food packaing in the cinema, it'll always make the same amount of noise. [hippo, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Anti-phone shield http://www.halfbake...Anti-phone_20shield
Block signal so no phones can go off in public place... [goff, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) PA man shot for making noise during movie http://www.google.c...4ZIn6x6mJAD95BFA9O0
[thumbwax, Dec 28 2008]


       Babbling idiots and rug monkeys with laser pointers. I'm for it...
StarChaser, Sep 24 2000

       A less violent solution would probably stand a better chance... Maybe there could be a decibel meter on each seat, and when the noise level from that seat's occupant exceeds a certain level, their seat could automatically drop through the floor into a pit where they would wait out the rest of the movie.
PotatoStew, Sep 24 2000

       Replace the last word with 'eternity' and I'll like it even more.
StarChaser, Sep 24 2000

       Don't you love the way that the cinema kiosk's sell the crunchiest sweets that they can find and put them in wrappers designed for maximum crinklyness.
DrBob, Sep 25 2000

       Not to mention that you're also extremely likely to run into some white trash redneck with a herd of noisy, snot-nosed kids or a cranky baby, or some complete moron who neglected to turn his cell phone off.   

       Maybe Lincoln was babbling when John Wilkes Booth plugged him. US Presidents are known for running off at the mouth. Or maybe that big stovepipe hat was blocking everyone else's view of the show.
BigThor, Sep 26 2000

       Hey hey Thor! I think you've just given me a half-baked idea........see link to 'Anti-phone shield'
goff, Sep 27 2000

       Two words: Anger management.
HKUSP9, Oct 10 2000

       You've obviously seen "Scary Movie." For the uninitiated, there's one scene where a loud woman is stabbed to death repeatedly by movie goers who are screaming "You ruined 'Schindler's List'! And 'Big Momma's House'!" and countless other films she ruined in the past. A hilarious flick for the not-easily-offended, BTW. "Scary Movie," I mean.
BobStCul, Oct 13 2000

       reensure: "Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"
supercat, Oct 27 2000

       "Dammit, Abe, I told you before to take off your hat!" ***BLAM!***
deacon, May 15 2001

thumbwax, May 17 2001

       OR ... seats in the theater could be assigned. Then, when you went up to purchase your candy, a vacuum tube took the sweets to your seat and placed them -- open and sanitary -- in something like the cup holders that currently flank every seat. And you could have a button you press once you've returned to your seat to signal this (so your neighbor wouldn't take any). But frankly, movies cost enough as it is.
toomuchmike, May 17 2001

       But of course. Myself and other patrons will ask the 8 skinheads to shush thrice next time.
thumbwax, May 18 2001

       "Aw, crap. I got brain in my popcorn."
TickleMeElmo, May 18 2001

       Hurray for them! I wish some of the ones around here would do that...
StarChaser, May 19 2001

       Hollywood executive take notice...watch ratings shoot up...shot up...by introducing theatre snipers in your cinemas.
grackle, May 22 2001

       How do gunfire, flying blood-n-guts, screaming moviegoers and police sirens make the movie quieter?
arghblah, Jun 17 2001

       The point is, it shouldn't be -necessary- to ask. A movie theatre is a place to watch THE MOVIE talk, not to listen to other patrons. There are bars and things for that.
StarChaser, Jun 17 2001

       The theatre chains already have a solution in place. Simply get to your seat about 15 minutes before showtime and you will be temporarily deafened by the jet-engine volume previews.
snooks, Jun 27 2001

       If the sniper simply plugged the offender with a stun dart, there wouldn't be all the aforementioned blood spattering and screaming. The only potential downside would be if the stunned and sleeping patron starting snoring. To alleviate any such problems, naturally, a mobile three-pronged grabber hand would have to snatch them up and deposit them in the theatre ejection chute.   

       Using this method, a group of snipers could compete for prizes for effective snip-n-grabs of noisome movie attendees.
Whirligig, Apr 26 2006

       Bloodthirsty and beautiful in equal measure. I regret that I have but one croissant to give.
hidden truths, Apr 26 2006

       Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all - see link.
thumbwax, Dec 28 2008

       Excellent [+].
8th of 7, Aug 26 2010


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