Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Exploding Robot Children

A solution to the paedophile crisis
  (+27, -17)(+27, -17)
(+27, -17)
  [vote for,

This is a method of culling paedophiles, and making the world safe for children.

Create robots which look and behave like real children, and release them in areas known to be frequented by child molesters. Paedophiles would descend upon the robot kiddies, unable to resist the temptation, and lead them away to a secluded place. The synthetic skin around the robot's genital regions, would be covered with sensors which, when activated, trigger a high explosive charge, instantly killing whoever was attempting to molest it.

If these things can be manufactured in sufficiently large quantities, economies of scale may make them cheaper than hiring FBI agents to impersonate children; additionally, they would be able to work outside of AOL chat rooms.

acb, Jun 29 2001

Possibly what [protean] read. http://www.wired.co...ffsupertoys_pr.html
[angel, Jun 29 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]


       Croissant! Not just b/c this is an outstanding use for technology but also for listing it under the heading of "Pest Control"..... <snicker>
Susen, Jun 29 2001

       Is there a "Best Title of the Week" award?
The Military, Jun 29 2001

       I swear I've seen this in an anime somewhere.
mrkillboy, Jun 30 2001

       Although silly, this does seem to have a practical side to it. Maybe the robots could arrest the perpetrators. Explosions are too dangerous, IMO.
VeXaR, Jun 30 2001

       We could also send the robot children into mined villages to pick up the exploding toys.
hello_c, Jul 01 2001

       Explosions AND robots. Sounds like I [acb] is going to be my new favorite halfbaker.
AfroAssault, Jul 01 2001

       AA, I ask you: Genre-wise, how could one *possibly* top this?
The Military, Jul 01 2001

       Maybe an automatic castration feature?
MrKangaroo, Jul 01 2001

       I'm sure someone will shortly drag in 'custard', 'nanites', 'bioengineering' and 'bluetooth'. <No, I didn't.>
StarChaser, Jul 01 2001

       [the military]-I don't know how, but I am well known here for all my old "Exploding ****" ideas. Check the profile.
AfroAssault, Jul 01 2001

       I don't like them any more than you, but are their numbers sufficient to justify walking landmines?
bookworm, Jul 02 2001

       That's a good point, Unabubba. I was about to complain that these Exploding Robot Children might exidentally exterminate kindly old ladies trying to help a lost child.
Robot Children with Exploding Genitalia would be much better.
Lemon, Jul 02 2001

       I don't think people have thought about the trauma faced by the poor robotic parents of the robot children ...
Aristotle, Jul 03 2001

       If I hadn't realised that this was slightly less than serious, I would have made some terribly earnest comments about how most of the traumatic effects of paedophiles come from a longer-term contact which ends up being very distressing for the kid but doesn't involve genitalia (exploding or otherwise) until late on. And frankly, every female should have the facility to automatically castrate men, so that none would try their luck until the answer *really* was yes. Don't tell me this spoils your romantic spontaneity. It only takes a minute for me to type in my code and the castration facility is switched off. Or is it?! Giving an added frisson of excitement to our encounter, tee hee.
lewisgirl, Jul 03 2001

       The incentives offered by the recruiters there must have been phenomenal.
The Military, Jul 04 2001

       There's a science fiction short story (name and author escape me) in which prospective parents must successfully raise a robotic child to the age of six, to demonstrate their suitability to be parents. If the robot child "survives" to age six, it explodes, and the parents have earned the right to have a real child. The story focuses on the last day of a robot child's "life" and the anguish the parents feel over losing what to them has long since seemed a real child. Anybody recall the name and author?
protean, Jul 09 2001

       Possibly 'Super-Toys Last All Summer Long', Brian Aldiss (link).
angel, Jul 09 2001

Almafeta, May 30 2003

       What if the robot children rise up and turn on their masters?
simonj, Jul 16 2003

       Super-glue would be very funny...
my-nep, Feb 25 2004

       I'm sorry to have this on my mind, but what if the robot starts having feelings, and builds up a relation with a real child ? Yuck !!
sweet, Feb 26 2004

       //What if the robot children rise up and turn on their masters?// [simonj]   

       Just get a long stick and touch the robot's genitals. BOOM! No more revolutionary robot.
GenYus, Feb 26 2004

       Could with do this with Sheep...?
Ossalisc, Feb 26 2004

       // I was about to complain that these Exploding Robot Children might exidentally exterminate kindly old ladies trying to help a lost child.//   

       I'm amazed nobody asked why this kindly old lady felt the need to touch the child's naughty bits.   

       This is ace by the way [+], both idea and annos.
theleopard, Aug 15 2007

       //Create robots which look and behave like real children//

The National Curriculum is an attempt by the UK government to implement this part of the idea. Having them explode once they've exceeded their useful productive life can't be far behind.
DrBob, Aug 15 2007

       "I'm going to have to spank you, but it will hurt me more than you"   

       Curious children and friendly sniffing dogs beware.   

       How about the Clenching Robottom, which can be fitted to the seat of your child and activates upon penetration.
marklar, Aug 15 2007

       I always feel uneasy about things that are obviously unethical yet obviously right.
wagster, Aug 15 2007

       //Clenching Robottom ... activates upon penetration//   

       [marklar] I hope you receive years of therapy on whatever planet your from. ;P   

       As to the idea:   

       "I'm Chris Hanson, would you like a crossiant and lemonade with your idea?"
evilpenguin, Aug 15 2007

       The genitalia should simply burst and stain the perpetrator with that blue dye they use for bank robber money bags.
globaltourniquet, Aug 15 2007

       There is no "paedophile crisis." I will not join any quest to Save The Children because I want my kids to grow up in a free world.   

       "What kind of parent would let a child run around alone? Here, little one, let me pick you up and find your mommy." *bang*   

       a two year old: "lets play doctor"...   

Voice, Oct 09 2007

       This would work really well against all those petter-ass priests and pastors who like to pose as being trustworthy baby sitters or whatever it is that they do to get access to other people's children.
quantum_flux, Feb 10 2008

       Yeah someone suggested super glue, I think that is better than death. A famous cancer researcher probably responsible for saving many lives was convicted last year of child molesting - I don't think he deserves to die. An extreme case, but you get the point. Super glue.
kerryoco, Feb 11 2008

       Are there any serious ideas here at all?
DanDaMan, Feb 11 2008

       Yup. Keep digging.
wagster, Feb 11 2008

       There was something about a PIN number, some sort of ATM security idea or something. Meh, can't remember.
theleopard, Feb 11 2008

       //Are there any serious ideas here at all?//   

       I saw a idea on here just the other day, it was actually quite good. I can't remember where it was though.   

       I've always read this idea as "Exploding Robot Chickens" I like that.
skinflaps, Feb 11 2008

       //Are there any serious ideas here at all?//
Well, there was the jam one from Down Under.
coprocephalous, Feb 11 2008

       I like the idea but instead of exploding when sensors are tripped...they extend something like the small teeth extending from "Predator" monsters mouth and firmly latch onto the offenders hand or arm...severly crushing bones but not separating the appendage....they simply latch onto the pedophile and will not release except by police department computer command. The offender would be forced to either cut off his own limb or struggly, ever so painfully, to the nearest police officer for help....good idea.
Blisterbob, Feb 11 2008

       //I've always read this idea as "Exploding Robot Chickens" I like that.//
Wuh- wah. Blimey. I have been reading this as "Exploding Robot Chicken" for years and it made perfect sense to me: like playing chicken, running across motorways, but instead it's with molestation of the chiddlers.
calum, Feb 11 2008

       What happens when the little robot boy has to pee?
shapu, Feb 11 2008

       I am surpried by our desire to fill our surroundings with hand grenades cleverly disguised as everyday objects. What about playing doctor? Pedofiles are not the only people who might touch between robot Sallie's legs. Especially if she was such a good imitation of a real girl. Would she have a "real" familty and do her homework and such? Why have any "real" people at all? (safety first!) {props to voice}
WcW, Feb 11 2008

       // I am surpried by our desire to fill our surroundings with hand grenades cleverly disguised as everyday objects //   


       You're not from round here, are you ?   

8th of 7, Feb 13 2008

       [marked-for-deletion]: cruelty
erlehmann, Feb 14 2008

       I wish I could bun this again
evilpenguin, Feb 14 2008

       Me too. I feel like setting up a protest group to ensure the idea's survival following that bogus MFD.
theleopard, Feb 14 2008

       A bit harsh ? Why couldn't said robot child just accompany the nasty person to their house and keep them happy forever, thus obviating the need for them to molest real kids ? Candy for everyone !
bumhat, Feb 14 2008

       I to cringe at the spate of recent agressive MFDs and did not hesitate to delete one that I felt was truely bogus just because I find it a high handed treatment by old timers against newbies.
WcW, Feb 16 2008

       Why not just equip it with a really, REALLY, large needle that painfully implants a police tracking device that activates on contact with blood. The short range of the needle would mean that poor old lady trying to help the child doesn't end up as soup. Also, they'd need defense against reprogramming, especially if they had exposlives in them. Because if a terrorist, or... well... me got their hands on one. *evil grin* (no naughty below the belt grin, world domination grin)

oh and... why use a robot child?
xxobot, Feb 16 2008

       Last i checked a lot of pedophilia was incestual or other relationship based, not rape in the 'pulled off the steet' sense. I suspect that strangers coercing sex is less than 1% of pedofilic incidents. I would think exploding alter boys or nieces would hit their mark more often than street wandering children.
WcW, Feb 16 2008


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