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Thermite Termites

Gone in moments
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(+3, -4)
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For those times when you have to demolish your home (maybe after a flood or an earthquake) UBCo bring you Thermite Termites.

First, we set loose in the soon-to-be-demolished home a thriving colony of carefully bred hyper- aggressive termites, following our selective breeding program for Mastotermes darwiniensis. These little buggers could destroy an entire home in just weeks, before we got to them.

Once they've hollowed out every available piece of wood in your home we give them a big feed of thermite, laced with termite attractant, then add a bit more succulent, tasty wood to your now ruined home.

Then, when they're all inside the structural timbers, we detonate them simultaneously.

UnaBubba, Feb 01 2013


       //give them a big feed of thermite, laced with termite attractant,// Ah yes, that's bound to work.   

       Incidentally, over here we came up with these cuboids of fired clay called 'bricks'. They're really jolly good, but they could cause a problem for your system.   

       Moreovermore, how do you propose to detonate several thousand very small charges of thermite?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 01 2013

       There-might be trouble if you do this.
xenzag, Feb 01 2013

       [MB], Mastotermes will eat just about anything, including the insulation off electrical wiring. If it's remotely food-like, they'll consume it.   

       There's usually a wooden frame inside the brick cladding, [MB]. It's one of the major things that burn when your house catches fire.   

       Hit a few of them with a hammer. They'll set off the rest of them.   

       Yes, [xenzag], I'm pretty sure there would be trouble. Your house would fall down, for instance.
UnaBubba, Feb 01 2013

       //Hit a few of them with a hammer. They'll set off the rest of them. // I am pretty sure that hitting a termite full of thermite with a hammer will only result in disappointment. Have you actually tried setting off thermite? I have, and it is not easy, even when it is outside a termite.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 01 2013

       I have. I've seen it used to weld railway line sections together. Fill the gap with thermite and a little fulminate of mercury, wallop with a large hammer, stand back... well back.
UnaBubba, Feb 01 2013

       Wow. Most guys just get toy trains.
normzone, Feb 01 2013

       We lived next to the railway station in a small town. I used to watch the fettlers fixing the lines after they were damaged by expansion on hot days and after a couple of derailments in the marshalling yard.
UnaBubba, Feb 01 2013

       //thermite and a little fulminate of mercury//   

       Yes, and the fulminate of mercury is quite important.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 01 2013

       sorry UB, won't fly for about a million reasons.   

       a) Termites won't eat thermite
b) even if they would, thermite isn't an explosive
c) even if it was it requires a high temperature to set it off
d) even if you managed that, the thermite would mostly just boil the termite from the inside
e) even if it managed to escape, the worst that could happen is the inside of the termite tunnel wall burns, using up the tiny bit of oxygen in the tunnel.

       The other 999,995 are pretty obvious.
FlyingToaster, Feb 01 2013

       Nonetheless, having started to list them you are now required to elucidate and ennumerate each one.
UnaBubba, Feb 01 2013

       Not a problem: let me know when you've refuted the first 5 so I can get started.
FlyingToaster, Feb 01 2013

       This is my termite. There are many like it, but this one is mine...
Grogster, Feb 02 2013

       Protip: Don't eat C4 and then get struck by lightning.   

       Just selective-breed the termites to explode.
sninctown, Feb 02 2013

       I think this is an excellent plan, particularly since since it's otherwise so hard to set fire to houses in Australia.   

       Whoops, there goes another 'Bubba street plan.
Loris, Feb 02 2013

       This is very complicated and hard to imagine being something folks would buy. But a bun, because there wasn't one a' top the page.
blissmiss, Feb 02 2013

       Ah, the infamous "sympathy bun".
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 02 2013

       May I suggest Kermite the frog for a spokesman? No?
Alright then, forget I mentioned it.

       You're supposed to be forgetting that I mentioned it, remember?
I mean forget?
I mean... you know what I mean

       "The first rule of Thermite Club..."
UnaBubba, Feb 02 2013

       Marked for tagline...   

       "This is my termite. There are many like it, but this one is mine..."
normzone, Feb 03 2013

       I see a movie in the making: The Terminiter.
xenzag, Feb 03 2013

       1. Get the termites to riddle the wood with burrows.   

       2. Spray the outside of the wood with fast-drying sealant to block any external holes.   

       3. Pump in liquid oxygen.   

       4. Get someone else to apply a match to the structure..   

       Please take photos & video too.
8th of 7, Feb 03 2013

       potentially hazardous to numbats [-]
pertinax, Feb 03 2013

       Numbats live a bloody long way from the towns and cities where this would be used. In fact, I've never seen a numbat, because they live so far inland and in remote areas.
UnaBubba, Feb 03 2013

       // I've never seen a numbat, because they live so far inland and in remote areas.//   

       Reading this idea, do you blame them?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 03 2013

       I'm sorry to have to inform you [Max] that numbats don't read.
UnaBubba, Feb 03 2013

       Well, there you go. I knew you had an advantage over a numbat.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 03 2013

       That's where the advantage ends.   

       You may be interested to know that, in common with most scientists in need of research grants, it has a tongue that is almost one-third of the length of its body.
UnaBubba, Feb 03 2013

       Is that before or after the SUV?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 03 2013

       Does UBCo have a covert method to shield service payments from nosy home insurance companies?
RayfordSteele, Feb 04 2013


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