Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This bar is a joke

A man walks into a bar...
  (+39, -7)(+39, -7)(+39, -7)
(+39, -7)
  [vote for,

As you walk up to the entrance of the bar, a chicken crosses the road in front of you. You enter, and the first thing you notice is a group of blonds screwing in a light bulb. You walk up to the bar where you notice a plank sitting on one of the bar stools. On the other side of you is a frayed knot. At one table you notice a nun and a priest chatting away. At another, there's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. You hear the door of the bar open and turn to see a horse walk into the bar.

The bar has a stage where comedians get up and do their thing. While they're not performing the comedians just hang out in the bar, dressed as a joke. The chicken and the horse are well-trained pets. It's always happy hour.

Inspired by a TV ad.

Flux, Feb 15 2005

12-inches of... http://www.apostrop...rchives/000387.html
[RayfordSteele, Feb 18 2005]

Bar none http://www.funny2.com/bar.htm
[normzone, Sep 29 2010]


       Where's the talking dog with $20.00?
thumbwax, Feb 15 2005

       Do you have to knock to get in?
skinflaps, Feb 15 2005

       And the duck with the construction hat and tools?
Detly, Feb 15 2005

       Never heard the one about the duck...
Flux, Feb 15 2005

       and a 12 inch pianist playing in the corner?
etherman, Feb 15 2005

       Are the peanuts complimentary?
lintkeeper2, Feb 15 2005

       do they let cycle paths in?
etherman, Feb 15 2005

       Which TV ad?
calum, Feb 15 2005

       South African Ad for a dry cider.
Flux, Feb 15 2005

       Then the internet was invented and bars returned to normal.
mensmaximus, Feb 15 2005

       bet they don't serve food.
jonthegeologist, Feb 15 2005

       Two blondes walked into a building. You'd think *one* of them would have seen it.
angel, Feb 15 2005

       Pool table and mandatory cup 'o urine jokes are prevalent as well I presume?   

       Urine jokes are a measure of humanity.
Blumster, Feb 15 2005

       What about the hardest sweet in the pub hiding in the corner when a Menthol Sweet walks in? Or the horse with the long face? Or the bear with the big pause? Sheesh!, I ain't drinking in here till the clientele improves. +
gnomethang, Feb 15 2005

       A guy walks into a bar and orders a molotov cocktail.
Aq_Bi, Feb 16 2005

       Angel, I am sorry, but I found myself smiling at your blonde joke.   

       The fact that the brightest woman I have ever had the pleasure to know, (bris), is blonde, I still had to laugh. (Please understand, being Native American, and Irish, I get my share as well.)
blissmiss, Feb 16 2005

       And the mushroom who's a fun-guy.
Flux, Feb 16 2005

       "Whiskey?" askes the Bartender "We've got one named after you!"   

       "Okay" says the White Horse "Give me a shot of Eric" </personal favourite>
kmlabs, Feb 16 2005

       <Tommy Cooper> ...and I went OOF! - It was an iron bar. </Tommy Cooper>
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 16 2005

       and a hamster dancing on a biscuit tin.
etherman, Feb 16 2005

       This bar is a list.
calum, Feb 16 2005

       A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       Lucky for him.
shapu, Feb 16 2005

       Where's the ostrich and a cat who won't buy a round?
scubadooper, Feb 16 2005

       There's some guy ordering a pint of guinness and a shit sandwich.
etherman, Feb 16 2005

       Why yes, I'm Hugh Jass.
phundug, Feb 16 2005

       > A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: > > > "A beer please, and one for the road."
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. > > One says, "I've lost my electron." > > The other says, "Are you sure?" > > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       > A sandwich walks into a bar. > > > The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       But hey,where's the farmer's daughter?
blissmiss, Feb 16 2005

       and where's the rabbi, the catholic priest and the protestant priest?
froglet, Feb 17 2005

       "Excuse me sir, but everyone in this bar just saw you get off your horse, go 'round to the back end, lift its tail and kiss its ass." "I've got to ask why?"
"Chapped lips."
"Chapped lips?" "Does that cure chapped lips?"
"Naw, but it sure keeps me from licking'em.

       Where's the guy with the 12 inch pianist?
iso400, Feb 17 2005

       iso, here you go... <link>
RayfordSteele, Feb 18 2005

       //I'm positive.//   

       I'll see your geeky science joke, and raise you:   

       Two stars walk into a bar. One says, "hey, I'm now the brightest object in the Earth's night sky!" The other asks, "are you sure?"   

       "Yes, I'm Sirius."
Detly, Feb 18 2005

       [I don't think this one will trigger the [aye/narr function]]   

       A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.   

       The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."   

       "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."   

       "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.   

       "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
normzone, Feb 18 2005

       Don't sit between the skeleton and the mop.
k_sra, Feb 19 2005

       You can't serve beer to a bear in a bar in Bariboo.
baconbrain, Feb 20 2005

       I know that, but I declined to post that joke. If you're brave enough, I'll ask.....   

       "Why not?"
normzone, Feb 20 2005

       I'll bite. Why not?
Flux, Feb 20 2005

       I went searching, and it turns out [Unabubba] already told this joke in another anno. See link.   

       (edit) With the mercurial exit of [UB] went the link.
normzone, Feb 20 2005

       // I'll bite. Why not? //   

       For the love of Peter, no!
RichieRich, Feb 21 2005

       Heh, nice one Detly.
RobertKidney, Feb 21 2005

       + I'll leave this croissant at the bar!
xandram, Sep 29 2010

       A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double Entendre. So the barman gives her one.
hippo, Sep 30 2010

       Have we heard anything from the talking frog?
Twizz, Sep 30 2010

       Argon floats in to a bar and the barman says "Hey! We don't serve noble gases in here", Argon doesn't react.
kaz, Sep 30 2010

       And then there is the oldest joke of them all....

Vincent Van Gogh walks into a bar. The barman asks him if he wants a drink. "No thanks, " says Van Gogh, "I've got one ear."
DrBob, Sep 30 2010

       Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar." The bacteria say "But we work here! We're staph."
hippo, Sep 30 2010

       A guy walks in to a bar and asks for a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps. The barman says, "Sorry mate. We've only got plane."
Wrongfellow, Sep 30 2010

       Careful now - most of these jokes are antiques.
Twizz, Sep 30 2010

       Two Tourette's sufferers walk into a fucking bar...
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 30 2010

       Do elephents hide upside down in the custard?
xxobot, Oct 01 2010


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