Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Tongue Spa

whirlpool bath for mouth organ
  (+2, -1)
(+2, -1)
  [vote for,

Looking like a large teacup, this plug-in bubbler will gently massage and relax your tense tongue. Let it hang out in a warm brew of herbal teas, as the Jacuzzi jets unwind you, from the tip of your tongue to the floor of your mouth.

The health benefit claims of a balmy herbal soak are well known. By attending to the well-being of your papillae, you may ease furred tongue, burning tongue, halitosis and poor taste and speech, and we guarantee you'll avoid osteoporosis and arthritis in this area. After 3-5 minutes you may wish to drink the contents for increased vigor.

For an extra thrill, purchase a deluxe mini spa with a porcelain fe/male figurine lounging on the opposite side at eye level. Or why not choose the XL, multi-tongue whirlpool for lolling with a close friend. If aquatic French kissing is not your cup of tea, simply immerse your whole face using the enclosed mini snorkel, to later surface with a rested and tanned mug.

FarmerJohn, Jan 31 2003


       [IVnick8or], go and wash your mind out with soap and water. [Mind Spa whirlpool washer only $199.99 plus tax and shipping. Soap and water not included].   

       I guess that, if mounted on a bedside stand, this would be a rapid and excellent way of relieving the dreadful sensation of "Parrot Cage Tongue" as experienced after consuming eleventeen pints of Scruttock's Old Dirigible and then spending the next eight hours snoring with one's mouth wide open.
8th of 7, Jan 31 2003

       Darn, I was really hoping for a drawing of this one. (+) for the "lolling with a close friend" phrase.
waugsqueke, Jan 31 2003

       There actually was a drawing, [waugs], but it was rapidly removed on the grounds that it outraged public decency and morality. We understand that an unnamed Farmer is currently Helping Police With Their Enquiries.
8th of 7, Jan 31 2003

       I have a nightmare vision of it malfunctioning and force-feeding you gallons of fizzy herbal tea.
oneoffdave, Jan 31 2003

       This would be relaxing after a good workout.
waugsqueke, Jan 31 2003

       <8th of 7 contemplates highly disturbing metal image of the sort of workout which would require [waugsqueke] to relax in the way indicated>
8th of 7, Jan 31 2003

       You should try it sometime.
waugsqueke, Jan 31 2003

       Would there be a drool filter?
egbert, Jan 31 2003

       Yes, "metal image". Would you like to come upstairs and see my etchings, my dear ?
8th of 7, Jan 31 2003

       I was hoping for IVnick8or's interpretation of the title. Sigh.   

       I guess it's not too feasible.
mayan, Jan 31 2003

       Could you work up a special version for people with potty mouth?
dorayjo, Jan 31 2003

       Strangely, after reading this, my tongue feels like it needs this. The power of suggestion is amazing.
X2Entendre, Jan 31 2003

       Quite popular with auctioneers, I here.
RayfordSteele, Jan 31 2003

       Baked. We have a similar service on the Thai island of Pattaya.... no cancel that, I mis-read the description.... wait, on second thoughts we _do_ have a similar service on Pattaya!
FloridaManatee, Feb 01 2003


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