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Train Your Dog To Talk

Set up Alexa or other voice operated device to feed the dog when he growls at it correctly.
  [vote for,

Water is dispensed with another growl, the doggie door opened with another. The dog gets to figure out which growl gets which job done which may take some time, but dogs have all day.

The initial training would be the hardest, gettng a certain growl to despense a small doggie treat, but once the little guy got that figured out adding to his vocabulary might be easier as you go along.

I think this is something you'd try to get going right after birth while the brain is just kickstarting its development.

Set up an array of back scratching machines, fetch toys etc. You may come home to see your dog having long involved conversations with the home computer system.

Plus (per Sgt Teacup) add/upgrade facial recognition API muzzle recognition software to Alexa, as most dogs tend to use a combination of long stares, pointed looks, and rolling eyes to communicate their needs, in addition to using barks, whines, growls, whinnies, murmurs, and on one memorable occasion, purring.

doctorremulac3, Mar 24 2017

Evolutionary path to humanization? https://i.imgflip.com/kf5fx.jpg
Or just photoshop? [doctorremulac3, Mar 24 2017]

Just coincidence? http://www.themonol...uploads/Sad-Dog.jpg
This definately says "I'm sorry, sad, depressed" etc. Do wild dogs to this? [doctorremulac3, Mar 24 2017]

Ask them http://www.clicksui...k/doggle-translate/
Dog command software [wjt, Mar 25 2017]


       You'll need to add/upgrade facial recognition API muzzle recognition software to Alexa, as most dogs tend to use a combination of long stares, pointed looks, and rolling eyes to communicate their needs, in addition to using barks, whines, growls, whinnies, murmurs, and on one memorable occasion, purring.
Sgt Teacup, Mar 24 2017

       Hmm. Good idea. Facial recognition software is getting pretty sophisticated and a dog's face is pretty animated. You don't see that particular face and say "What does that mean?" They get that furrowed brow, that dumb look that means "Why no throw ball?" or 'Food you eat to me now?".
doctorremulac3, Mar 24 2017

       This should work for other animals too. Squirrels, for example, will learn to navigate complex obstacle courses to reach peanuts; perhaps a couple of squeek-detectors could be incorporated: I'm sure they'd eventually figure them out.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 24 2017

       This Idea may go against the Evolutionary grain, because noisy animals tend to become targets of predators. However, since dogs are somewhat in the "predator" category, this argument is less applicable for them than it might be for, say, squirrels.
Vernon, Mar 24 2017

       I think maybe dogs have been moving towards us evolutionarily for a long time. I would be interested to see if non humanized dogs, namely wolves, have all those facial expressions that domesticated dogs have. I'm sure they have the basics, the snarl, tail up dominance mode, tail down submissive indicator etc, but as far as smiling dogs, not sure if that's only house pets that do that.   

       Any info on that?   

       The furrowed brow is also a very human facial signal. The frown is another.
doctorremulac3, Mar 24 2017

       The recent attack on the people visiting Westminster the day before yesterday was, according to the news at the time, the work of 'a lone wolf', and the mayor said we should 'not be cowed' by this. Consequently, we're not being cowed by a lone wolf.
Ian Tindale, Mar 24 2017

       "200 kg of doggy treats. Bark twice to increase quantity."

       "What's that Lassie ? Proceed to checkout ?"

bigsleep, Mar 24 2017

       //we're not being cowed by a lone wolf// Yes, but I wonder if the security services are feeling sheepish for not having dogged the terrorist more closely?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 24 2017

       Our dog has 9 distinct facial expressions, and they all mean "feed me",
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 24 2017

       Someone should have ratted out the terriorist.
Ian Tindale, Mar 24 2017

       They really should have had a mole. That, shirley, is the elephant in the room.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 24 2017

       As the old song goes "when your dog runs off with your copy of The Sun, and comes back with the crossword done...".
not_morrison_rm, Mar 24 2017

       Now you mention it, I reckon they had squirrelled away a mole to fish out the info. Yep, they mastodon.
Ian Tindale, Mar 24 2017

       A NZ team are going the other way with software-to-barks to give farm working dogs freedom to work the command how they see fit. I don't see, as the database is increased, that the dogs can't talk back and start to unionize.
wjt, Mar 25 2017

       Did they ever ionise?
Ian Tindale, Mar 25 2017

       Going on vacation with a dog living in a house that feed, waters and looks after him will be fun. The hotel doors won't open when barked at, nor the water bowl reveal itself.   

       According to Gary Larsen dogs are just saying "hey" when they bark. Hey, hey, hey!
popbottle, Mar 25 2017

       Utter, utter madness. Have you any idea of how much harm this could cause ? Reckless, irresponsible, inconsiderate... why, you'll be suggesting teaching women to read next ....
8th of 7, Mar 25 2017

       We refuse be cowed by packs of lone wolves now.
Ian Tindale, Jun 04 2017

       // packs of lone wolves //   

       Yes, but lone wolves, by definition, don't form packs ...   

       Besides, what if you were wolfed by packs of lone cows ? Would that be better, worse, or merely an oxymoron ? Or rather, a cowsymoron ?
8th of 7, Jun 04 2017

       Lone wolves howl in unison. Cows, being herd animals, are heard to moo in bison.
Ian Tindale, Jun 04 2017

       Cows may moo, but if there's nobody around to listen they won't be herd animals.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 04 2017

       If a cow sounds its horn in a forest after lighting-up time, is it a mis-steak ?   

       "Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy ..."
8th of 7, Jun 04 2017

       I see we may have a case for cows being related to fridges.
Ian Tindale, Jun 04 2017

       I doubt it, though an amusing anecdote was once related to Sturton.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 04 2017

       Only once.
pocmloc, Jun 05 2017

       ... and you still are, aren't you?
pertinax, Jun 05 2017


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