h a l f b a k e r y
Replace "light" with "sausages" and this may work...
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Normally you'd spend months, even years, burning away the residue of all those cases of beer and buckets of nachos; straining for hours on end to turn the spare tire into washboard abs you could bounce an anvil off of.
Not so, with the TDwaBP system.
It's a cardboard box. With a form-fitted hole
cut in back to plop the belly into.
A wide strap, wrapped tautly around the back and sides of the user's waist under the shirt, attaches to a hook within the box. As well as returning the ability to use both hands (when nobody's looking), it compresses the spare tire at back and sides in a cummerbundic fashion, and keeps the box snug against the body to avoid embarassing revelations.
The TDwaBP comes with 3 custom generic skins; sign up for our "skin of the month" club to avoid looking like you simply can't afford a briefcase.
Order now and receive at no charge The Dewattler, a smaller box that fits on top of the TDwaBP and under the chin; it grabs and tucks away excess neck skin.
With the TDwaBP system you can make weight loss look easy as pie. Speaking of which, since the belly won't take up all the box's volume, there's plenty of room left over for snacks.
Inspiration, not perspiration
Drew Carey - The Big Monty [FlyingToaster, Nov 06 2015]
||Clever. But after seeing you carrying around the same large
box for several days, wouldn't your friends begin to get
suspicious? - especially if your job was, say, a barman, or a
||That's why the custom skins. Different day, different box.
||// your friends begin to get suspicious? // // computer programmer. //
||Do we need to point out the bleedin' obvious contradiction there ?
||Really most optimally effective if, per Schrodinger, most people wear boxes but only some have a living belly inside.