Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Umbrella Man

Today our hero rescues a discreet Nudist
  [vote for,

Hovering high above a secluded beach on a tiny island in the Atlantic; Umbrella Man with his super-powered viewfinder spots a sunbathing damsel in distress. “Oh no!”, he exclaims. “She is naked, alone, and asleep... Umbrella Man to the rescue!”

Umbrella Man jumps feet first from his craft and deploys a small parachute that in turn pulls a metal framework from a telescopic tube extending from the top of his pack. Its individually framed semi-vertically positioned triangular reflective canvas panels are then set into action.

Quickly, Umbrella Man implements “Operation Stop Falling so Fast” using two controls at his disposal. He brings the angle of the frames to a horizontal position relative to the main framework. The umbrella rotates ferociously during this procedure, but by properly adjusting the angle of the tail fin protruding from the back of his pack, Umbrella Man is able to prevent himself from spinning, and utilize the rotation for compression of the springs housed within his pack.

Nearing the ground, a tad off target, and still plummeting at an unacceptable velocity; Umbrella Man pulls the ripcord. As the springs bring the rpm of the umbrella up to speed, all becomes angled appropriately. Umbrella Man slows to a near stop. Maneuvering the fin in conjunction with leg motion, he propels himself horizontally to rest in stealth mode aside the bathing beauty.

He detaches his umbrella from his pack. He plants it firmly in the ground, thus protecting the damsel from overexposure to the evil radiation, then pauses for a final glance as he blows her a kiss upon his reluctant departure.

She awakens to the soothing sound of waves, unharmed, not knowing why there is an umbrella sheltering her, or why the footprints only lead away from her, but she is thankful nonetheless.

Shz, Jun 12 2003


       And here comes his sidekick, Sunblock Boy!   

       (Form an orderly queue, there, no pushing at the back...)
egbert, Jun 12 2003

       I got caught in a deluge some time ago, wearing only a t-shirt and thin trousers. does UM *do* rain?
po, Jun 12 2003

       Sunblock Boy... Coming right up.   

       You look pretty when wet po.
Shz, Jun 12 2003

       Quite the romantic idea. Perhaps you could serialize it.   

       Umbrella Man Meets Frankenstein, Umbrella Man Goes West, Birth of UM, Son of Umbrella Man, Umbrella Man II: The Return, etc, etc, etc.   

       Add luminesence, custard, propellers, and let the fun begin.
thecat, Jun 13 2003

       "Discreet nudity" - how does that work?   

       As for sequels, I'm holding my breath for the untimate showdown - Umbrella Man versus the Penguin!
friendlyfire, Jun 14 2003

       Discreet nudity is for those who thoroughly enjoy the liberating experience of being naked in the great outdoors, but do so in isolated locale as they do not wish to be seen. Such is the case of the damsel, being nobility; she lives in constant fear of character assassination by the hand of the evil tabloids.
Shz, Jun 15 2003

       Okay, so UM is "hovering" above this island. Hovering in what? And if he jumps out, who flies the whatever? Remote control? (Yes, yes, I see Sunblock Boy, but he's already on the beach)
Why doesn't Umbrella Man simply launch his famous Auto-Brella, which precisely adjusts its laser-guided descent to implant itself into the sand adjacent to the damsel, deploying the triangular reflective canvas panels to shelter her from overexposure (redundant - how much more overexposed can you be than when you are naked? - but you get the idea). Not as romantic, perhaps, but ultimately more do-able than UM trying to slow his descent with an umbrella.
Canuck, Jun 15 2003

       Umbrella man was there in Dealey Plaza, trying to block the shots from the Glassy Troll.
mystic2311, Dec 07 2003


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