Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Like gliding backwards through porridge.

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Explosive bedroom antics
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Now I know la chambre is not the preferred place to keep a bakery, but even the hardiest bakers must occasionally enter its realm, surely?

Perhaps, next time he trudges up the stairs after a hard day's kneading, Mr Baker will open the door to his room and be met with the beautiful curves of Mrs Baker, draped alluringly with a fresh millefeuille, a steaming brioche demurely covering her feet. Although he's tired, Mr Baker cannot resist the temptation, and slowly lifts the layers of pastry until Mrs Baker's lovely form is revealed beneath.

And when he reaches her final undergarment, he's surprised to see a new pair of pants he's never seen before. He pulls them off and... Just imagine! Real fireworks! Sparkles and whizzes and pops and whooshes come forth from Mrs Baker's specially-bought-at-Ann- Summers, one-use-only bedroom- playtime Undercrackers! Hear (using tiny built in speakers) the accompaniment of orchestras as the happy couple make their music! Watch (set off by small battery- powered incendiaries) as the sparks literally fly! And as Mr and Mrs Baker collapse exhausted into bed, the Undercrackers themselves explode in a finale of gold and pink, showering the pair with soft warm rosepetals.


cheesecake, Apr 30 2007


       //draped alluringly with a fresh millefeuille... brioche...// - That's some superb work, [cheesecake].   

       Whatever next? Croissant hand-grenades?
Jinbish, May 01 2007

       I like to generate my own fireworks...
DrCurry, May 01 2007

       Call me a wuss, but how would this not hurt? I'm imagining blisters and singed pubic hairs galore.
pertinax, May 02 2007

       Yes I think these would be available from S&M
marklar, May 02 2007

       Hmm. Perhaps some clever proximity- to-skin sensor could be built in. Perhaps as Mr Baker sensuously draws the Undercrackers away from Mrs B's aforementioned curves, Mrs B could 'secretly' hold on to a special thread protruding from the 'Crackers. The thread will only unravel, say, two metres, before setting off a minor firework - call it a prelude to the main event - which would warn our amorous couple of impending accompaniment. Unless Mrs B's legs were actually two metres long, this should give the Undercrackers ample distance from said singeing opportunities...
cheesecake, May 03 2007


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