h a l f b a k e r y
"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Now I know la chambre is not the
preferred place to keep a bakery, but
the hardiest bakers must occasionally
Perhaps, next time he trudges up the
stairs after a hard day's kneading, Mr
Baker will open the door to his room and
with the beautiful
curves of Mrs Baker,
draped alluringly with a fresh millefeuille,
a steaming brioche demurely covering
feet. Although he's tired, Mr Baker cannot
resist the temptation, and slowly lifts the
layers of pastry until Mrs Baker's lovely
form is revealed beneath.
And when he reaches her final
undergarment, he's surprised to see a
pair of pants he's never seen before. He
pulls them off and... Just imagine! Real
fireworks! Sparkles and whizzes and
and whooshes come forth from Mrs
Summers, one-use-only bedroom-
playtime Undercrackers! Hear (using tiny
built in speakers) the accompaniment of
orchestras as the happy couple make
music! Watch (set off by small battery-
powered incendiaries) as the sparks
And as Mr and Mrs Baker collapse
exhausted into bed, the Undercrackers
themselves explode in a finale of gold
pink, showering the pair with soft warm
||//draped alluringly with a fresh millefeuille... brioche...// - That's some superb work, [cheesecake].
||Whatever next? Croissant hand-grenades?
||I like to generate my own fireworks...
||Call me a wuss, but how would this not hurt? I'm imagining blisters and singed pubic hairs galore.
||Yes I think these would be available from S&M
||Hmm. Perhaps some clever proximity-
to-skin sensor could be built in.
Perhaps as Mr Baker sensuously draws
the Undercrackers away from Mrs B's
aforementioned curves, Mrs B could
'secretly' hold on to a special thread
protruding from the 'Crackers. The
thread will only unravel, say, two
metres, before setting off a minor
firework - call it a prelude to the main
event - which would warn our amorous
couple of impending accompaniment.
Unless Mrs B's legs were actually two
metres long, this should give the
Undercrackers ample distance from said