Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Unfair Trade scheme

An equal-opportunity oppressor
  [vote for,

After an entertaining afternoon evicting widows and orphans into the driving snow, it's sadly sometimes the case that some item of clothing is stained or damaged beyond repair, and has to be replaced.

Now, the greedy, the callous and the just plan old evil can make use of the BorgCo Unfair Trade labelling scheme when selecting goods and services.

Just look for the logo (a small chiid, brush in hand, being forced up a chimney) and be assured that whatever you're buying was manufactured under appalling conditions, by underfed victimised workers, so as to produce the best possibe item at the lowest possible price.

So instead of mourning the loss of your spats, sit back in front of a roaring fire, look out at the dark, freezing snowy world beyond the treble glazing, sip your port and gloat over the fact that your new spats will have been made by uneducated and starving workers with no prospects of improvement for pitifully little reward.

8th of 7, Apr 22 2016

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       If the set is goods and fair trade goods are a subset of goods, then unfair trade goods is the subset of goods that are not fair trade goods. Therefore the innovation here is to add a logo to packaging.
calum, Apr 22 2016

       I fail to see any originality in this Idea.
Vernon, Apr 22 2016

       The originality is that the scheme sets out to make sure the workers are treated badly, rather than just letting it happen by default.
8th of 7, Apr 22 2016

       Pah. Where I live, spats have been out of fashion for nearly four years.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 22 2016

       Indeed. But we note that you still favour the stovepipe top hat, striped waistcoat, bootlace tie, frock coat and silver-topped ebony cane when supervising evictions. Presumably you object to the way your spats used to show the blood spatter after you had employed your "kicking boots" on those to whom you felt especial ire; presumably they didn't grovel sufficiently while thanking you for being such a good, kind, sympathetic landlord.   

       We know you enjoy it, but demanding that elderly and infirm former tenants prostrate themselves in the freezing slush is probably not good public relations. Then again, it's extremely unlikely the public would ever find out.
8th of 7, Apr 22 2016

       I thought this was designated by that little Apple logo?
RayfordSteele, Apr 22 2016

       //But we note...// Dear me, no. The stovepipe hat is, of course, a practical and necessary piece of itemage, and a frock coat is a magnificently wonderful garment.   

       But no gentleman carries a silver-topped cane these days, especially now that it is possible to simulate a plastic handle using ivory.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 22 2016

       hmm.. but surely, every fashion conscious slum lord favours silver-topped canes over ivory these days, precisely because it is so easy to simulate ivory with plastic (I know I do), after all, how else would you reliably display your true quality.. other than using a gold-topped one of course, but gold would be a little gauche don't you think, I mean, it's so "obvious" isn't it, no subtlety at all :P
Skewed, Apr 22 2016

       gold also has a tendency to dent far too easily when used to club recalcitrant tenants from their hovels, so it tends to be contraindicated on grounds of economy.. if only to keep cane head repair costs within reasonable parameters.   

       though it must be admitted that the additional heft a gold cane head affords, when clubbing is required, is very, umm.. "pleasing"
Skewed, Apr 22 2016

       sp. oppressor   

       Note "chiid": a little known Linnaean family, "children of the chi", including only X-shaped species.
pertinax, Apr 23 2016


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