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What The Burglar Sees

aka shock and gnaw
  (+10, -1)(+10, -1)
(+10, -1)
  [vote for,

What The Burglar Sees is an idea based on the infamous penny arcade machine called "what the butler saw".

What The Burglar Sees is a small device which comes in two parts, that you attach to the inside of your door over the keyhole (only works with keyholes that go all the way through to the other side).

The device projects a totally convincing replica image of the view on the other side of the door, except with a choice of some included intruder deterrents. "What The Burglar Sees" is installed by trained technicians who ensure that the view offered to anyone who activates the apparatus by peering through the keyhole is treated to an image so real that there is no telling it from actual reality.

Very popular this month is the "Barbiturate Baboon". Here we see an enraged baboon, that repeatedly runs up the hallway and flings itself against the door with gnashing teeth. A severed arm terminating in a gnawed stump completes the internal scene of fear and horror. The other part of the What The Burglar Sees device delivers the co-ordinated door thumping action via some spring loaded mallets.

Second on the popularity charts is the "Dark Figure Crocheting in a Corner with a Machette". In fact, What The Burglar Sees offers numerous scenes fully customised via CGM to deliver a scene so terrifying that no prospective burglar will make an attempt to break in.

Letterbox version under development!

xenzag, Feb 26 2015

Reverse peephole viewer https://www.google....i=2&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Feb 26 2015]

Similar Fake_20Guard_20Dog
[21 Quest, Feb 28 2015]


       Art project or have you been burgled recently?
normzone, Feb 26 2015

       Centipedes kept them away!
xenzag, Feb 26 2015

       Dorothy L Sayers wrote a Lord Peter Wimsey story using an identical plot device.   

       However, [+] for the idea of an offputting CGI trompe d'oeil.   

       A couple of blokes with beards and turbans fiddling with an oil drum, an alarm clock and a battery while a third onne oils a Kalashnikov should give most housebreakers pause for thought.
8th of 7, Feb 26 2015

       Would it not be simpler to install a proximity sensor near the keyhole, connected to a pepper spray?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 26 2015

       Ha - simpler? I don't do "simpler" AND you could be sued for damages.
xenzag, Feb 26 2015

       Not if the burglar can't see his way to a lawyer you can't.   

       Actually, Sturton tried the system you propose, at his cottage. A burglar looking through the keyhole would see a large naked man running frantically around, pursued by three irate French Mastiffs, and occasionally trying to deter them with over-the- shoulder shots from a Glock, all to the accompaniment of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". But then he had the system installed.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 26 2015

       I want to vote + for this. I really do but... who has keyholes you can see through? Now peepholes on the other hand let burglars see through your door just fine, [link], and this would sell like hot-cakes to apartment dwellers.   

       How about projecting the eye of a large, annoyed eagle pressed up against the other side of the keyhole, a la Dirk Gently?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 26 2015

       Red. Just red.
Voice, Feb 27 2015

       You could presumably do this now by sliding your HD TV up to the windows with the curtains slightly apart.
AusCan531, Feb 27 2015

       //Croutching// - it's spelled "Crocheting"
hippo, Feb 27 2015

       //who has keyholes you can see through?// My Chubb deadlock goes all the way through, and these are very common.
xenzag, Feb 27 2015

       //- it's spelled "Crocheting// but of course.... Corrected.
xenzag, Feb 27 2015

       //My Chubb deadlock goes all the way through, and these are very common//   

       Really? Well, (+) then.   

       Sturton favors a Glock? I expected something a little less pedestrian.
normzone, Feb 27 2015

       He certinly does, but the terms of the bet were very specific, limiting the weapon to small-calibre handguns.   

       On the plus side, he did actually win.
8th of 7, Feb 27 2015

       Why only burglars? It could be a peephole, without the hole.
4and20, Feb 27 2015

       //I expected something a little less pedestrian.// He always uses the Glock when the mastiffs are being frisky. Something about the noise of the action seems to throw them off their stride, for some reason.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 27 2015

       Eventually, he's going to realise that you've been swapping his ammunition for non-lethal marker rounds that just sting the mastiffs but don't hurt them.   

       If there is a repetition of the soda-syphon incident after he caught your Great-Aunt Plectravia watering down his morning glass of hydraulic fluid with her rubbing alcohol, you will only have yourself to blame. No doubt she meant well, and the surgeons did their best, but it's terribly embarrassing for an elderly lady, having to wheel it around everywhere on a trolley like that.
8th of 7, Feb 27 2015

       //he's going to realise that you've been swapping his ammunition for non-lethal marker rounds//   

       No no. We only did that with his AK47. And, in fairness, he had been told several times that it wasn't appropriate for a grouse shoot.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 27 2015


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