Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Apply directly to forehead.

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Wife Trousers

  (+11, -3)(+11, -3)
(+11, -3)
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These trousers will give you the appearance of a wife - if you haven't one already. Simply enter your next work function, cinema, restaurant, bus station, park etc and at the moment that those who may be interested are looking in your direction, pull the string marked 'wife' on your trousers. Make sure to not pull the string marked 'shoe shine' or 'dog' as this may arouse suspicion.

Once the proper string is pulled, a life-sized, and life-like inflatable woman will appear from the side of your trousers. It is best to saunter around the function hall, attorney's office, prison ward etc at a distance with your inflatable leg/wife, as close proximity to your surrogate partner may give the game away.

Pretend to feed her apertifs/glasses of wine/cigars etc as you avoid anyone you know at the party/hearing/office picnic etc.

If caught out, simply explain that it is the latest fashion from Norway.

benfrost, Jul 08 2005

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       Nej tak.
wagster, Jul 08 2005
  

       or "ektefelle benklær" in Norwegian.
Minimal, Jul 08 2005
  

       ahh, you've been caught out i gather. next time try sauntering about the outskirts.
benfrost, Jul 08 2005
  

       "Another glass of cigars, darling?" +
moomintroll, Jul 08 2005
  

       Surprised at first by the large naked man standing beside him at the work picnic with his arm around his waist, Fred quickly realizes that the dry cleaners had given him the wrong pair of trousers.
Worldgineer, Jul 08 2005
  

       [World], if this wasn't such a bizarre idea, that anno would be perfect Far Side material.
david_scothern, Jul 08 2005
  

       And then from across the park, another man pointing at Fred's companion, shouting, "You cheating bastard!"
Detly, Jul 09 2005
  

       hahaha i can see the chase sequence now. two men dashing through city streets each with an inflatable wife attached to the leg.
benfrost, Jul 09 2005
  

       I see no simpler way to achieve this goal. [+]
hidden truths, Jul 09 2005
  

       Fred screams loudly "You've gone and killed my identical twin siamese brother Derf, you bastard!"   

       In a panic he vainly tries to re-inflate his now limp companion, tears streaming down his face.   

       Fred falls to his knees cradling the wrinkled remains and cries "Derf? Can you hear me? Derf! Oh, what a cruel, cruel world! Damn you benfrost and your evil trousers! Damn you to Hell!"
Canuck, Jul 09 2005
  

       //Damn you benfrost //   

       now that's the first sensible thing anyone has said all morning. : P
dentworth, Jul 09 2005
  

       Bumper sticker: "Damn you [benfrost]!"
elhigh, Jul 21 2005
  


 

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