Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Window Trousers

avoids fraying and further decay
  [vote for,

Today, while walking, I saw someone wearing heavily distressed jeans - casually displaying both knees, along with a portion of thigh and shin.
And it occurred to me that this style has been prevalent for sufficient time to be considered a regular style as opposed to a fad.

It further occurred that patrons must consider the ability to display arbitrary fractions of their lower anatomy an advantage. However, they may may occasionally lament that their favoured attire is considered unsuitable for some venues due to its somewhat scruffy look.

Therefore I propose the window trousers. They are standard trousers or jeans, from which precise geometric areas are excised, with the surrounding borders neatly hemmed. Window shapes include, but are not limited to rectangular, circular, arched and the stereotypical arrangement of two-by-two squares.

The high-end version of these imagines trousers as analogous to a larger building such as a block of flats (many rectangular windows in a grid), a church (arched windows on both sides) or a castle tower (small vertical windows up the entire height of each leg in a spiral, as if there were a spiral staircase inside).

Loris, Apr 23 2024

Exhibitionist censoring windows Exhibitionist_20censoring_20windows
Just extend the definition of 'intimate parts' to cover the entire leg. [Loris, Apr 30 2024]

Cloned human skin handbags https://www.theguar...andbag-tina-gorjanc
[Voice, Apr 30 2024]


       Well I think most of you know my stance on this topic. Like they say in Les Miserables, look at my trousers to see where I stand.
Voice, Apr 23 2024

       You know how they have these leggings where patches of the leg are semitransparent showing human skin.   

       Currently they are 'discontinuing' human skin covered books at libraries. Now, this human skin could be repurposed in leggings, as a way to generate a more sophisticated peek-a-boo look for the modern generation.
mylodon, Apr 24 2024

       //Currently they are 'discontinuing' human skin covered books at libraries// Next they will be disposing of leather bindings and vellum manuscripts, because of animal rights. And shortly after, paper will also be removed from the premises because of deforestation and respect for plant life. Also, the anti-fossil fuel lobby will demand the disposal of any synthetic materials, and the global warming activists will demand that all electricity and energy supplies are disconnected. Meanwhile, the rewilders will demand removal of the roof and walls.
pocmloc, Apr 24 2024

       Great for showing off favourite scars/tattoos. Could be custom made to order with window locations specified by the client. And you could make some pairs with the 'panes' printed with a translucent stained glass effect, so that people can wear them to church without too obviously displaying any sacreligious looking tattoos, yet still demonstrating their creative fashion sense. Fabulous idea. I will give it a pastry when I find out how....
Edie, Apr 25 2024

       Rewilding pants will be the next fad. Just add a bit of soil in the right places.
mylodon, Apr 29 2024

       I hope that, for delicate social situations where greater modesty is required, these windows have curtains
hippo, Apr 30 2024

       Going on the title I was imagining something else entirely.   

       My first thought was windows with trousers painted on them.   

       My second thought was why? but it readily became apparent that this would be for nudists so they could stand in front of a window to admire the view without exciting the neighbours.   

       The problem then arose that the trousers (obviously) would be fixed in place and any small misstep would put them out of position and give the neighbours and any passing pedestrians more excitement than they might desire.   

       But this was easily solved, clearly the windows are using smart glass and augmented reality tech to project an image of trousers over the nudist that moves with them.   

       AI and a lot of cameras are going to be needed both inside and out to track your movements and those of anyone on the other side of the window looking in so the trouser image can be positioned appropriately.   

       It's not going to work well for anyone at range using a telescopic lens of course because your cameras won't know they're there but that's OK, after all if a nosey neighbour has to stand on a wobbly chair first to be able to see you sunbathing any excitement they experience they did to themselves and they have no cause for legal complaint, the same of course would apply to using a telescope when all the reasonable precautions to avoid neighbour excitement of installing window trouser tech had been taken.   


       But yet again I have been disappointed to find that an idea wasn't as forward thinking as I had first imagined from the title alone ;)
Skewed, Apr 30 2024

       //they may may occasionally lament that their favoured attire is considered unsuitable for some venues//   

       Do they come with curtains then so that their suitability can be modified to fit the venue? that seemed implied but I'm not seeing it explicated anywhere? maybe I missed it.
Skewed, Apr 30 2024

       //Do they come with curtains then so that their suitability can be modified to fit the venue? that seemed implied but I'm not seeing it explicated anywhere?//   

       No, sorry, no curtains as described. The thing is, distressed jeans (and similar) entail quite a lot of fraying, loose threads and similar. And the nature of the tear is somewhat irregular. Here, we do away with all that in favour of neatly lined hems.   

       Re: windows with trousers on, actually I kind of did that already. Link.
Loris, Apr 30 2024

       //did that already. Link//   

       Before my time, I arrived around nine months later.   

       Though I think (without being aware of the original) I may have improved on it a little here ;) were smart glasses and augmented reality not a glint in our eyes back then?   

       [Goes off to check]   


       Hmm, Steve Mann 1978, Thomas Caudel 1990.   

       So the idea of augmented reality was already about in one form or another then.   

       The processing constraints many mentioned in the originals annos still haven't entirely gone away though I suppose? .. so the just obscuring bits may have been a choice intended for reliability in avoiding potential frame freeze and lag putting jiggly bits on display in low end systems?
Skewed, Apr 30 2024

       //No, sorry, no curtains as described//   

       No biggy, just add female popper studs around your windows and provide appropriately sized patches with male popper studs on .. that way if present at a venue where holes in jeans (even ones with a nicely sewn hem) are frowned on you can just pop the patches on.   

       Maybe use zippers for some and the patches can dangle from their sewed corner when the window is open, could be a whole new fashion that one .. or should that be a new hole fashion?
Skewed, Apr 30 2024

       If you had two additional flaps of material attached on either side of a window, perhaps in a contrasting colour, and used two interchangeable zips, you could have external shutters which could be fixed either open or closed.
Which would be fun.
Loris, Apr 30 2024

       How about adding small plastic window boxes with tiny flowers in them, that could be attached beneath the windows with Velcro, so you can remove them for washing purposes? They could come with real tiny flower seeds, say oxalis daisies, and growing instructions...
Edie, May 01 2024

       Definitely not. Velcro is a deal breaker.
Use those little popper things and it would be fine... although maybe not everyone's taste.
Loris, May 01 2024

       "What's taking you so long to get ready this morning?!"   

       "Hold on a minute, I'm just popping on my window boxes. Once I've finished weeding them...be right there!"   

       You could also have an inline watering-system, where all the body's waste fluids could be filtered and converted into water and then channeled via micro-tubing to the various window boxes as they dry out....kind of like a Dune stillsuit.   

       Although that might rust the pop-studs...
Edie, May 01 2024

       ... and be a bit smelly.
Skewed, May 01 2024

       Do you pocket-mulch?
Loris, May 01 2024

Voice, May 01 2024

       + so glad I stopped in today. it used to be your eyes are the windows to your soul and now it will be your windows are the windows of your legs.
xandram, May 08 2024

       Yes, and all former upright window-lickers will have to crouch down
Edie, May 08 2024


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