Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)

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Witty Retort Armband

"Well, that's just the kind of thing a complete jackass would say, isn't it?"
  (+1, -3)
(+1, -3)
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For when you are at a lack of what to say in response to a particularly scathing insult. The armband appears to be a standard sweatband for the wrist, but has a plastic strip inside with several general responses written along the length of it, to be viewed from an opening on the inside of the wrist. The plastic band can be rotated to prevent the wearer from using the same comeback too often. When confronted, simply make a subtle flourish to read the text and subsequently deflate any egos that present themselves.

To make this even more covert, the deluxe version would have a screen over the opening that can only be looked through while wearing the corresponding polarized aviator sunglasses, making the user both debonair and chic. Tres bien, mon chet!

notmarkflynn, Dec 10 2006


       I'm wondering whether I should order or scathe.
jurist, Dec 10 2006

       <nemesis>Fie! notmarkflynn has returned! May the misfortunes detailed above occur to you, o nemesis, before you are defenestrated into a plethora of coprolites! This is a bad, bad, idea.</nemesis>
dbmag9, Dec 10 2006

       "You are!!"
Custardguts, Dec 11 2006

       I used to wear a sweatband on one wrist while contra dancing, partly to mop up sweat, partly to remind me which hand was my left. So I can tell you that the question most asked of a sweatband wearer is going to be, "Did you hurt your wrist?"   

       If you come up with a witty response to that, let me know, eh?
baconbrain, Dec 11 2006

       "Your Mum."   

       Gets 'em every time...
theleopard, Dec 11 2006

       bb, I can and I'm ashamed of myself for it.
po, Dec 11 2006

       I'm ashamed too - do you think it might work in nightclubs?
zen_tom, Dec 11 2006

       //If you come up with a witty response to that, let me know, eh?//   

       "Nice of you to point out other people's disabilities, you pompous a**hole!!" ? Makes them turn a nice shade of turquoise.   

       The armband should have a microphone, connected via Bluetooth with your GSM, which is connected to an online voice recognition/context recognition server, that analises the insult, and sends several appropriate retorts to a tiny flexible e-paper screen on the wristband. You then choose the most scathing one.
Veho, Dec 11 2006

       //do you think it might work in nightclubs?//   

       Your Mumma works in nightclubs.   

       Ooooh, that sh*t is cold!
theleopard, Dec 11 2006

       Your mom shits cold... (keeping in proper with the rest)   

       So this is just like the armband worn by NFL QB's for when they FKUK everything up and need a quick comeback.
Chefboyrbored, Dec 11 2006

       My mommy says "If you can't say something nice, say something funny."
snap'n'whipher, Dec 13 2006

       //"Yeah - I lost a bet with your mom that I could get both hands in *and* clap."// I just hurt myself laughing.
baconbrain, Dec 13 2006


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