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Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.

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dial-a-comeback

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someone insults you and you can't think of something to say back. SMS dial-a-comeback. They're professional comedians or something and within 30 seconds they'll call or SMS you with the perfect comeback.
brandboy, Jun 21 2007

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       30 seconds is a bit long for a come back.   

       also, do you have to send the comedians the conversation/ insult you are coming back to, or do they just send you a stock comeback?
bleh, Jun 21 2007
  

       Sorry, great idea but too long for a comeback. Maybe considder some panic button triggered time dialation device to make this feasible.
colinwheeler, Jun 21 2007
  

       yeah, what I had in mind was you SMS the insult and they send you a custom comeback.. perhaps the idea could still be salvaged if they actually called you up? You could pretend to be distracted by the call you had to take and then just incidentally fire off the comeback... but I guess doing this more than once with the same person would probably give the game away..
brandboy, Jun 21 2007
  

       30 secs might be long enough if the original insult was also sent by SMS.
imaginality, Jun 22 2007
  

       Or you could grow up and take in some life experience, takes more than 30 seconds but well worth the effort.
zeno, Jun 22 2007
  

       $4.99 per call, includes one comeback. $1.99 each additional comeback. If you are too dim to think of your own ...
nuclear hobo, Jun 22 2007
  

       This would work better if the comedian you dial stays on the line and feeds you comebacks into a hidden earpiece as you need them for as long as they are on the line.
Hmmmm... for dating, dial-a-wingman seems like the next logical step.
Serino Debergerac for the modern wallflower.
  

       Sp. Cyrano De Bergerac.
nuclear hobo, Jun 22 2007
  

       Dail-an-excuse Late for work - no problem - Our service calls your work pretending to have found your mobile phone on wallet on a platform bus etc. The caller poses as cleaner/traqin guard etc This buys you time and allows to think up an acceptable excuse that is already verified by Dial-an-excuse Such as - sorry im late, some nutter stole my briefcase, luckily a guard stopped him and got it back! Boss" yes we had a call from the guard saying he had found it - must be your lucky day......"
S-note, Jun 22 2007
  

       Thanks nuclear hobo. It's funny that the way I spelled it didn't set off any flags when I typed it into Google.   
      
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