h a l f b a k e r y
Crust or bust.
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I think this invention is pretty self-explaintory. If you ever fall you can act like it never happened and if you get into a fight and you're losing you will be known as the guy who couldn't help but get right back up.
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||Get a tape recording of your own voice saying "come on you bastard! Throw a decent one! Come ON, TINKERBELL!" etc. so that if you are bashed into unconsciousness or pass out in a drunken stupor, you can still be annoying. (yeah, and it could also result in your death. shut up wimp... come on then!)
||"Okay, so a man walks into a bar..."
Oh, the comic possibilities....
||These would have to be enormously heavy in order to lower your center of gravity enough.