Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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baby-talk Decoder

a handheld device to interpret what Jr. is trying to say
  [vote for,

Body language serves as an interpreter up to a certain point. Beyond that, a device that could translate what babies are saying could potentially change the way we parent. We may learn that babies have been dying to tell you that those diapers are too tight, Rock-a-bye baby sounds better in the key of "C" and that peas and carrots are not a winning combination. Babies may even cry less when given the opportunity to fully express their wants and needs. Frustration leads to tears many times, you know.
julien, Sep 20 2000

Baby Sign Lanugage http://www.focusites.com/babysigns/
Babies as young as eight months have been taught simple non-verbal gestures and are *using them*. [koz, Sep 20 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       Friends and acquaintances of new couples could also benefit from the use of this device. Some couples in the early, overly-loving, courting stage of a relationship don't seem to speak english to each other. At least not using an adult vocabulary. Every noun is a pet name. yadda yadda, you know what I mean. Disgusting, right? We're all guilty of it. pathetic.
julien, Sep 20 2000

       On The Simpsons, Homer's brother (played by Danny Devito) invented one of these.
mrthingy, Sep 20 2000

       Rock-a-bye baby in the key of A and it's relative minor F# are the cause of Societies Ills. Could this device be shaped like a Silver Spoon?
thumbwax, Sep 20 2000

       I have a feeling that such a device would merely reveal that babies are just saying "Hey!" all the time.
centauri, Sep 20 2000

       Looks like I'm not the only AFar side fan here. Thanks, centauri.
BigThor, Sep 27 2000

       Waah, eeeeh, aaahh oh oh oh ,waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh. Ugh ugh urrrrrghhh.   

       Translation: I hate to tell you this Dad, but if you check those disposables you put on me not 5 minutes ago, you will be both annoyed at what you find and relieved that they are disposables.
Alcin, Sep 27 2000

       I agree with you Centauri. Maybe it's just me but I'm somehow reminded of Mr Cheepers on Saturday Night Live. Bah! Bah! Bah! No, Mr Cheepers, No!   

       Maybe instead of a vocalised translator, a colour code system could be used: red = I'm angry and in need of something yellow = everything is a-ok blue = I'm just pulling your strings and having a cry for the sake of it
Amoir, Feb 07 2002

       I think the question we really need to ask is: Do we really want to know?
kaz, Feb 07 2002

       if it is stopping you from sleeping, yes of course you need to know. You have obviously never been deprived of sleep by a baby. kaz, they do not come with an off switch - ask your mother
po, Feb 07 2002

       "Mother, I am in love with you and wish to kill my father. I am also concerned by the fact that whilst I have a penis, you do not, and this creates considerable anxiety in me. Furthermore, I have a heap of separation anxiety, and mirrors really freak me out."   

       I think that's what kaz is thinking of. Either that, or the Ray Bradbury story ("The Small Assassin", I think) which suggests that all babies want to kill their mothers for removing them from the nice hot womb, but only a few are born sufficiently developed to actually do it.
pottedstu, Feb 08 2002

       Waaaah = "I won't have my first beer for at least 15 years!"   

       girmbulfuhyggymph = "these morons are my parents?"   

       oooh eee googaa = "Nifty, I can aim this thing wherever I want."   

       you know? I think God made baby language unintelligible for a reason.   

       I think blue should be reserved for "I'm rather running out of air. Do you think you could adjust my head position so I could breathe again?"
RayfordSteele, Feb 08 2002


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