drive by curtains

Moths eating curtains are an unfortunate part of low income existence. To avoid embarrassment when neighbours or parole officers drop by - the drive by curtain kit is a handy way to change the subject and move onto more serious matters in your neighbourhood. It contains a large drill bit (in a small plastic carry bag - with comprehensive instructions) - which can be drilled (or hammered if such appliances are absent) into your opposing window wall to give the feel of an actual bullet riddled surface. A pair of scissors or the same packaged drill bit can also be used to punch additional holes into the curtains to give a consistent machine gun aesthetic alongside the moth eaten sections.

For added sympathy, drill a hole into the forehead of a framed picture of Jesus or a family photo discreetly placed on the wall above one of your children's cots.