Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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funeral attendance verification

funeral verification: prove you were there
  (+7, -16)(+7, -16)
(+7, -16)
  [vote for,

Many spurious half days are taken on the basis of alleged attendance at the funerals of recently departed aunts, uncles and grandparents etc.

I feel that national economics would be well served by employers being able to verify this, perhaps by the minister requiring attendees to swipe their appreciation of the dear departed.

There would probably have to be some form of policing to prevent fake funerals and bogus clergymen springing up all over the place. A new role of official funeral certifier would have to be created, probably operating in teams of two to avoid colossal absenteeism.

james_what, Apr 06 2008


       So, you are advocating a mandatory funeral guestbook?   

       So it's a death certificate.
xenzag, Apr 06 2008

       Perhaps it's antisocial of me to attempt to interfere with a useful method of work-shirking.
james_what, Apr 06 2008

       This is why I shudder everytime I read 1984.
MikeD, Apr 06 2008

       I always spray-paint "Kito Wuz Here" on the headstone.
Amos Kito, Apr 06 2008

       New department policy: if you go to a funeral, you must share 5% of your portion of the inheritance with the rest of the department.   

       "But grandma didn't leave me anything!" says you.   

       "So why are you bothering with the funeral?" says they.
lurch, Apr 06 2008

       [lurch] My grandfather kept bees.
james_what, Apr 06 2008

       A few years ago, a local funeral home put a drive-by widow on a four-lane highway, so you could glimpse the departed on your way to work. That was a dangerous idea, turned out, and besides, signing the guestbook on the Internet is even more convenient.
ldischler, Apr 06 2008

       [ldischler] Sell you an "n"?
james_what, Apr 06 2008

       // drive-by widow //   

       That wasn't just off U.S. 1 in South Miami, was it ? There used to be a drive-in chapel of rest somewhere around Cutler Ridge. Or was it someplace else ?   

       [+] for the idea. But there would still be potential for fraud. Fake step-grandparents could be invented in almost endless sucession, although it might become suspicious if one of them always snuffed it about a week before United were due to play at home, and even more suspicious if another one went every time there was a replay ....
8th of 7, Apr 06 2008

       //a local funeral home put a drive-by widow on a four-lane highway//   

       Seems a bit cold-hearted to take advantage of her grief for publicity purposes like that. Or sp. 'window'.
imaginality, Apr 06 2008

       Did they put her right at the spot where the drive-by occured?
globaltourniquet, Apr 07 2008

       I thought it was the widow doing the drive-bys as a kind of random vengeance against the world type of thing.
lostdog, Apr 07 2008

       I'll be watching to see who doesn't bother turning up to mine.
wagster, Apr 07 2008

       What if you miss the funeral, but fully intended to go to it?
phundug, Apr 07 2008

       // I'll be watching //   

       Will you still be alive at this point (having staged a fake funeral to see how people react), or do they have skylights in Hell now ?
8th of 7, Apr 07 2008

       Heaven has a glass floor.
wagster, Apr 07 2008

       i think that for those who are really attending the funeral of someone close that would just be one more grief... to have to verify for their work that yes their wife, child, aunt, whatever is dead.
twinkletoes1218, Apr 07 2008

       I am shocked at receiving negative feedback and this proposal will be removed from my World Presidential election manifesto. [twinkletoes1218] Do you live in Dibley by any chance?
james_what, Apr 08 2008

       Great idea, but not for the reason you think -- when I invite people for my funeral, I want to make damned sure they show up. Ungrateful bastards, the lot of them; if they can't be bothered to make an appearance, I demand to know as much, so I can avoid ever inviting them to subsequent funerals of mine...
fuzzybunny, Apr 08 2008

       All I keep seeing in my head is an 1800's train conductor, at the end of the family line, punching out a chit from the funeral card.
TSFarken, Apr 08 2008

       Next thing you know, everyone will have to have a bathroom guestbook to verify that they are, indeed, away from their desk using the restroom.
Iidhaegn, Apr 09 2008

       Very good Idea.   

       There needs to be a register of people who attended my funeral, so that it can be read by my soul, using binoculars if necessary, either through the glass bottom of heaven or the skylight of hell.
neelandan, Apr 09 2008

       Can't do it in the U.S. privacy issues.   

       Bone, baby bone.
nomocrow, Apr 09 2008

       Bees might be actually quite valuable here in a few years at the rate they're disappearing.   

       Bun from me just for the comedy value.
RayfordSteele, Apr 09 2008

       Colony Collapse Disorder is very alarming when bees are needed to pollinate so many food crops. It is possible to farm queens and split hives, but it loses honey and it's going to take a major effort to get the colony numbers in the US back up again. It's not so bad here (in Scotland at any rate) - my dad keeps the bees now and they're still OK.
james_what, Apr 09 2008

       // so that it can be read by my soul, using binoculars if necessary, either through the glass bottom of heaven or the skylight of hell. //   

8th of 7, Apr 10 2008

       [james_what] - I'm just curious - if a colony gets hit, how much time must pass before you can put another into the same area without it just being a throw-away?   

       //Colony Collapse Disorder// -- //glass bottom of heaven// oh, what a fun juxtaposition of images.
lurch, Apr 10 2008

       [lurch] Can't say I'm afraid. The cause of CCD is unknown, and may stay that way without much more research.   

       I don't know either if an affected breeder in the States could call on State or Federal laboratory help. If a lab. were to give a clean bill of health to the empty hive there's maybe no reason not to try again even using the same hive.   

       Probably the only way to find out what's causing it is to keep on trying somewhere CCD keeps happening.
james_what, Apr 10 2008

       The varroa bee mite seems to be the culprit around here. Are you losing bees for some other reason?
Texticle, Apr 10 2008

       Help! I'm no expert! Could be Varroa - it's certainly cited on Wikipedia as a possible cause. CCD is where a seemingly healthy hive just dwindles and the bees disappear. This also happens when the queen dies, so there may be a link there. Hard evidence is lacking, I think.   

       My completely unscientific intuition says that it's climate-change related and the bees are getting confused. Bees produce different honeys from different plants as the year progresses and it could be a subtle change in timing throwing the bees out of whack.   

       Also, in the US large-scale beekeepers are now trucking their beehives thousands of miles a year to pollinate flowering crops and to increase honey yield. When man interferes with Nature there's usually a backlash of some sort.
james_what, Apr 11 2008


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