Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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high diver bum plugs

  [vote for,

Ive heard the reason high divers strive to land head first is because landing feet first risks water flowing up ones rectum and doing internal damage.

I belive this can easily be rectified by making a a special plang for ones rectum tat with a a lip oh hilt that not only prevents water from rushing in but also prevents the device from being forced into onself.

bob, May 28 2017


       //a a special plang for ones rectum tat with a a lip oh hilt// That's exactly what I was thinking.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2017

       // rectified   

       <applause emoji>   

       I would suggest that such devices already exist, made for other purposes, but I'll leave it to others to search.
tatterdemalion, May 28 2017

       Don't look at us.   

       The problem of involuntary high-velocity enemas is a field in which we are thankfully entirely uninformed, and we choose to view our avowed ignorance in such matters as a benefit rather than a disadvantage.
8th of 7, May 28 2017

       //a a special plang for ones rectum tat with a a lip oh hilt//   

       This is some kind of old English no? Welsh perhaps? What a pretty language. Even makes a butt-plug sound elegant.
doctorremulac3, May 28 2017

       //plang// is a rice-ball in some dialects of Malay.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2017

       Incidentally, in Googling, I came across a page explaining the effects of underwater explosions on divers. The deeply-researched article gives the following advice on how to minimize the risk from underwater explosions: "Avoid diving in areas where explosions are possible." I think that was government research money well-spent.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2017

       Thank you ever so much [bob]. One had been wondering how to resolve this issue for some time. I will make an appointment at my nearest rectal plang centre forthwith. There is probably one at Tesco's Chester one imagines. But knowing one's luck they probably don't stock the flanged variety.
bhumphrys, May 29 2017

       Try Sainsburys off the A55, they have a very good selection, quite reasonably priced, including both the flanged ones and the ones with the rounded disc base, which are much more comfortable.   

8th of 7, May 29 2017

       This is also a problem for jetski riders. I was horrified to read in the owner's manual that Neoprene wetsuit pants are recommended for just this reason. Also, women would need a vagina plug.
farble, May 30 2017

       Too ... much ... information.   

       We consider it entirely possible that you are in some way anatomically anomalous, [IT].   

       In fact, that's by far the most likely explanation.
8th of 7, May 30 2017

       This is so far out there, I don't even know what to say, gives me the willies, it does. Hahahaha...just had to say that to Ian. Hahahaha.
blissmiss, May 30 2017

       I'm not going to make the joke about "why do women skydivers wear knickers?" (the answer to which is "so they don't whistle"), because that would be vulgar.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 30 2017

       I've analyzed this post several times, and I must say, reached the say bum conclusion each time.
theircompetitor, May 30 2017

       Makes me wonder about those trick skiiers who sit upon the water from time to time. Well, actually it makes me want to forget about them, but unable to.
RayfordSteele, May 30 2017

       I could have benefited from this when going down a certain waterslide several years ago.
notexactly, Jun 01 2017

       I would have thought you'd be keener that those who went down the waterslide immediately before you had benefited from this
hippo, Jun 02 2017

       Actually, no, because if you think carefully about what happens when ....   

       EEEeeeEeewwwww !   

       <retching noises>   

       <sound of running boots receding into distance>
8th of 7, Jun 02 2017

       [+] because it would finally give me a pseudo- legitimate reason to buy a butt plug even though I'm not a diver.
DIYMatt, Jun 03 2017

       Place the plug on the top shelf, attached to a short-delay timed tipping mechanism. Lay prone on the floor underneath.
pocmloc, Jun 03 2017


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